I'm actually ahead in my word count for probably the first time ever. And the little stats window on the NaNoWriMo page tells me I now need 1600 words per day to finish on time instead of the traditional 1667. Very gratifying.
It was actually an extremely productive day all around. I'm always uber-productive when I'm procrastinating.
We got a ton of schoolwork done, I actually prepared good food, had a beautiful walk and visit with a friend, spent three hours at the dojang, took a trip to the grocery store with Middle on the way home, and then sat down and wrote 4 pages. Which is pretty much what I need to stay ahead.
Four pages isn't so bad. Although my back aches from sitting at the desk - or maybe it was the emphasis on falls tonight during class.
I have no fear of falling, I just hate hitting the mat.
You were warned, remember?
And while I did procrastinate, fully enjoying all the uber-productivity that happened as a result, I didn't stress over the writing itself. I just did it. Didn't worry about whether it was good or bad, whether I chose the right word here or there, whether I'd ever be able to show it to anyone... I just wrote it and enjoyed the process.
It's okay if it sucks. It's a first draft of a first novel. I have realistic expectations of it, and of myself.
If I can teach my kids to be this loving and accepting of themselves in life, they may not be fantabulous, but they'll probably be happy.
Maybe even both.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
Literary Abandon
And how sometimes less is more.
Something in the article I read yesterday reminded me of something I hear all too often from my karate instructors. Don't think.
In martial arts, we call it mushin.
FightingArts.com describes it like this:
"A Zen term referring to that state of mental clarity and enhanced perception (sensory and intuitive) known as pure mind, produced by the absence of conscious thought, ideas, judgments, emotion (fear and anxiety), pre-conception, or self-consciousness. A product of Zen meditative training. For the warrior, meditation (towards mushin) was an important compliment to technical training. Through mushin the mind is not absent, but instead is freed. No longer inhibited, slowed, distracted, or clogged the mind was free to fully perceive, respond and commit to action. The mind is not fixed on anything and is open to everything; a mind expanded through the whole body with total awareness of and focus on everything."
One instructor in particular has been working with me on this when we're sparring. She'll start out nice and slow, and I'll be thinking about strategy, analyzing what she's doing, looking for patterns, remembering new techniques I want to try... and getting my butt kicked.
"You're thinking too much. Cut it out."
She picks up the pace. Suddenly I'm overwhelmed. Kicks and punches are coming too fast for me to do anything but block and counter, block and counter. I want it to stop, but I have no choice but to keep fighting.
And then something happens. Maybe the adrenaline kicks in, maybe one part of my brain shuts off while another part clicks on, maybe I just reach the point at which I give up control and just surrender to instinct. But I start to fight, and I start to fight well.
According to her, that is.
I have no idea of how I'm doing because I'm no longer thinking, not assessing or planning. I'm in The Zone and some part of my awareness is hearing her saying, "Now you're fighting! Much better. Keep it up. Don't think."
Much like the surrender and relaxation techniques I teach my childbirth students, it seems counterintuitive. But the more you feel it working, the more you want to do it, and the easier it comes.
The question is, can I take that same state of mushin and apply it to my writing?
I wonder if there's a program out there which could force me to type faster than I think...
Monday, October 31, 2011
Halloween 2011
The phone / internet came back on today.
Spooky. It was a Halloween Miracle.
Today was indeed Halloween, but in our part of the world, we Trick-or-Treat the Thursday before, just to be weird.
Anyway, I saved the picture for the actual holiday:
It was really hard getting this picture - the rest were blurry streaks of excited children running from house to house. Thankfully, the man with the bowl of candy at this particular house (perhaps taking pity on the flustered parents with cameras) required them all to line up in an orderly fashion, so I seized the moment.
They had quite the wacky fun time. Of course, the best part was sitting around the living room trading the candy with each other afterwards. Which I missed because I was teaching my childbirth class, but I heard it was fun.
Good, sugary fun.
And now that October is drawing to a close, I'm gearing up for NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo. Hoping to keep my fingers extra busy this month, especially since I finally fired the Inner Editor and Other Critical Voices with the tail end of this fall's Life Purge. There could be oodles of crappy writing, especially with no one doing quality control, so if you don't enjoy crappy writing, (or reading about my life in general), I advise you to STAY AWAY because the innmates are now running the asylum.
Consider yourselves warned.
WhoooHaaaaHaaaaHaaaaHaaaaHaaa!
>:-)
Spooky. It was a Halloween Miracle.
Today was indeed Halloween, but in our part of the world, we Trick-or-Treat the Thursday before, just to be weird.
Anyway, I saved the picture for the actual holiday:
 |
| Middle, Little, and their Ninja Buddies |
They had quite the wacky fun time. Of course, the best part was sitting around the living room trading the candy with each other afterwards. Which I missed because I was teaching my childbirth class, but I heard it was fun.
Good, sugary fun.
And now that October is drawing to a close, I'm gearing up for NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo. Hoping to keep my fingers extra busy this month, especially since I finally fired the Inner Editor and Other Critical Voices with the tail end of this fall's Life Purge. There could be oodles of crappy writing, especially with no one doing quality control, so if you don't enjoy crappy writing, (or reading about my life in general), I advise you to STAY AWAY because the innmates are now running the asylum.
Consider yourselves warned.
WhoooHaaaaHaaaaHaaaaHaaaaHaaa!
>:-)
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Halloween Snow Weekend Continued
So last night our phone went out.
And of course, with the phone went the DSL.
Verizon tells us they will be happy to send a service tech out November 9th.
*!*
So here I am, at my parents' house, checking my email and taking care of all my other online business. We lost phone service for a week during the last big storm, and I didn't have a smart phone then, so this time should be a bit easier.
But still.
NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo start in 2 days. Granted, I don't need internet to work on NaNoWriMo. As a matter of fact, the distraction might be a hinderance. NaBloPoMo is another story, but there are opportunities to sign up for that every month now, so it's not as big a deal. I guess I can blog about how badly NaNoWriMo is going from my phone or my parents' for the first part of November if I really want to do that.
Which begs the question, "Why am I doing this again?" Every year I try, and every year I crash and burn at the Write-A-Novel-In-A-Month challenge.
It's probably something to do with the mentality I learned doing martial arts: as long as I keep showing up and doing my best, whatever my best might look like on that particular day, I'm going to improve more than if I had just stayed at home. You can apply that same philosophy to pretty much everything - maybe it goes for writing too. God knows I spend enough time writing every day, whether the end result is something I publish or something I leave as a draft. Being comfortable with the fact that first drafts, especially ones thrown down in 30 days, are supposed to suck, is part of the challenge, part of the fun.
It's an exercise in muzzling my Inner Editor and other Critical Voices and just running around barefoot in my imagination, allowing myself to totally suck - and still feeling good about who I am and the fact that I keep showing up to give it my best shot.
It's therapy for a brain that spent decades being paralyzed by perfectionism, being far too self-critical and sensitive to the disapproval of others.
Screw it all, I say.
I love my sucky writing, and I love that once a year I can attempt to churn out vast quantities of it for an entire month.
Curling up tonight with my copy of No Plot? No Problem! and a big goofy grin on my face.
:-)
And of course, with the phone went the DSL.
Verizon tells us they will be happy to send a service tech out November 9th.
*!*
So here I am, at my parents' house, checking my email and taking care of all my other online business. We lost phone service for a week during the last big storm, and I didn't have a smart phone then, so this time should be a bit easier.
But still.
NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo start in 2 days. Granted, I don't need internet to work on NaNoWriMo. As a matter of fact, the distraction might be a hinderance. NaBloPoMo is another story, but there are opportunities to sign up for that every month now, so it's not as big a deal. I guess I can blog about how badly NaNoWriMo is going from my phone or my parents' for the first part of November if I really want to do that.
Which begs the question, "Why am I doing this again?" Every year I try, and every year I crash and burn at the Write-A-Novel-In-A-Month challenge.
It's probably something to do with the mentality I learned doing martial arts: as long as I keep showing up and doing my best, whatever my best might look like on that particular day, I'm going to improve more than if I had just stayed at home. You can apply that same philosophy to pretty much everything - maybe it goes for writing too. God knows I spend enough time writing every day, whether the end result is something I publish or something I leave as a draft. Being comfortable with the fact that first drafts, especially ones thrown down in 30 days, are supposed to suck, is part of the challenge, part of the fun.
It's an exercise in muzzling my Inner Editor and other Critical Voices and just running around barefoot in my imagination, allowing myself to totally suck - and still feeling good about who I am and the fact that I keep showing up to give it my best shot.
It's therapy for a brain that spent decades being paralyzed by perfectionism, being far too self-critical and sensitive to the disapproval of others.
Screw it all, I say.
I love my sucky writing, and I love that once a year I can attempt to churn out vast quantities of it for an entire month.
Curling up tonight with my copy of No Plot? No Problem! and a big goofy grin on my face.
:-)
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Halloween Snow Weekend
Okay, this is just weird.
A few days ago, it was about 70 and beautiful. Now it's snowing. It's been snowing all day and there's probably 6 inches piled up out there.
It was actually nice to have a snow day. I made Italian Fall Soup with Collards from the CSA newsletter, and Little and I made butter & maple syrup snow candy.
Little built us a fire and spent much of the day outside in the snow with his buddies, and Savageman and I got some house projects done. The Teen was at work for a large part of the day, and Middle spent the day at an indoor skate park riding his rip stick.
So far, we still have power, although I understand several thousand people in our county do not. Heavy snow falling on trees that still have leaves is supposedly a big problem for power lines. Keeping our fingers crossed and our candles handy.
After we get Middle from the skate park, the plan is to hunker down and watch a movie. But if we lose power, at least we have this nice fire and several organized, decluttered shelves of board games we can play together.
Snow in October.
Weird, yes. But not too awful.
 |
| Back porch. Taken earlier today. |
A few days ago, it was about 70 and beautiful. Now it's snowing. It's been snowing all day and there's probably 6 inches piled up out there.
 |
| "ROBUSTO!" says Savageman. |
 |
| Maple snow taffy |
 |
| Little's Fire |
So far, we still have power, although I understand several thousand people in our county do not. Heavy snow falling on trees that still have leaves is supposedly a big problem for power lines. Keeping our fingers crossed and our candles handy.
After we get Middle from the skate park, the plan is to hunker down and watch a movie. But if we lose power, at least we have this nice fire and several organized, decluttered shelves of board games we can play together.
Snow in October.
Weird, yes. But not too awful.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Friday Night Mixing Bowl
Friday night is sparring night at our karate school.
The kids have the first hour, taking turns sparring in a ring with judges, going for points like they would in a tournament. They wear protective gear and there are very specific rules regarding where and how hard they can hit.
The second hour + is for the adults and teens, who pair up and spar continuously, without judges, wearing minimal gear and switching partners every 15-20 minutes or so until we've had at least 4 fights each. Courtesy rules apply as always, but beyond that, anything goes. "Kick and punch him and try not to let him kick and punch you," were my instructions when I began. Depending on who you pair with, you could be in for a gentle talk-and-tap with a friend, or an adrenaline-spiking, sweat-drenching, "holy-crap-I'm-dead-meat" serious fight with an adversary who will hit you hard if you don't protect yourself.
A good night for me has some of each.
Afterward, we shake hands, hug, pat each other on the back...
and go out for pizza.
Our school almost completely takes over the pizza joint every Friday. People of all different ages, fitness levels, socioeconomic statuses, educational backgrounds, belief systems, employment histories, cultural backgrounds, political persuasions, etc. sit down and eat and talk and have a great time. In most cases, the only thing they have in common is the karate school. They are either karate people or are parents, siblings, or spouses of karate people.
It's like a big family dinner every week, with the adults at one big table and the kids piling into several booths, playing silly word games, sitting on each other, looking at each other's electronic devices, and eventually heading outside to skateboard or ripstick, loiter at the Big Lots, or walk to the Cinema Center for a movie.
Tonight, the teens and tweens saw a movie, so it was calmer than usual - until they got back.
Friday night facebook will often feature silly pictures they took at the restaurant or in the movie theater with their phones. They're already starting to trickle into my news feed.
The adult table is quite lively as well. Conversational topics vary widely and wildly. There's a lot of laughter. Everyone is kind and relaxed, open and friendly.
Even the normally reclusive Savageman will come out for Friday night pizza, and he'll do it even on nights when I have another commitment and can't be there myself. Which says a lot. It used to be weird, knowing he was there hanging out with my friends while I was at book club or away camping or whatever, but now they're just as much his friends as they are mine. Which makes me very happy.
When I think about the fact that family dinner at our house happens in shifts, that we stand in the kitchen and munch, sometimes together, sometimes not, I realize how far we've drifted from the evening ritual I had wanted for us. Karate and our other sports have made sit-down family meals all but impossible for years now.
But we always have Sunday dinners at my parents' house, and we have Friday dinners with the karate family. Rituals we can count on, that we look forward to, that make us feel warm and happy and connected.
It's not a bad trade-off.
The kids have the first hour, taking turns sparring in a ring with judges, going for points like they would in a tournament. They wear protective gear and there are very specific rules regarding where and how hard they can hit.
The second hour + is for the adults and teens, who pair up and spar continuously, without judges, wearing minimal gear and switching partners every 15-20 minutes or so until we've had at least 4 fights each. Courtesy rules apply as always, but beyond that, anything goes. "Kick and punch him and try not to let him kick and punch you," were my instructions when I began. Depending on who you pair with, you could be in for a gentle talk-and-tap with a friend, or an adrenaline-spiking, sweat-drenching, "holy-crap-I'm-dead-meat" serious fight with an adversary who will hit you hard if you don't protect yourself.
A good night for me has some of each.
Afterward, we shake hands, hug, pat each other on the back...
and go out for pizza.
Our school almost completely takes over the pizza joint every Friday. People of all different ages, fitness levels, socioeconomic statuses, educational backgrounds, belief systems, employment histories, cultural backgrounds, political persuasions, etc. sit down and eat and talk and have a great time. In most cases, the only thing they have in common is the karate school. They are either karate people or are parents, siblings, or spouses of karate people.
It's like a big family dinner every week, with the adults at one big table and the kids piling into several booths, playing silly word games, sitting on each other, looking at each other's electronic devices, and eventually heading outside to skateboard or ripstick, loiter at the Big Lots, or walk to the Cinema Center for a movie.
Tonight, the teens and tweens saw a movie, so it was calmer than usual - until they got back.
Friday night facebook will often feature silly pictures they took at the restaurant or in the movie theater with their phones. They're already starting to trickle into my news feed.
The adult table is quite lively as well. Conversational topics vary widely and wildly. There's a lot of laughter. Everyone is kind and relaxed, open and friendly.
Even the normally reclusive Savageman will come out for Friday night pizza, and he'll do it even on nights when I have another commitment and can't be there myself. Which says a lot. It used to be weird, knowing he was there hanging out with my friends while I was at book club or away camping or whatever, but now they're just as much his friends as they are mine. Which makes me very happy.
When I think about the fact that family dinner at our house happens in shifts, that we stand in the kitchen and munch, sometimes together, sometimes not, I realize how far we've drifted from the evening ritual I had wanted for us. Karate and our other sports have made sit-down family meals all but impossible for years now.
But we always have Sunday dinners at my parents' house, and we have Friday dinners with the karate family. Rituals we can count on, that we look forward to, that make us feel warm and happy and connected.
 |
| Celebrating a birthday with one of Little's homemade cakes. |
Thursday, October 27, 2011
42
I had a really good birthday.
The day started with coffee and a treat with a homeschooling friend, followed by morning martial arts class. Middle and I had a good workout and also learned something called a 15 Lock Drill where we used pressure points and joint manipulation on the arms, wrists and fingers in 15 different ways, some more creative (and more painful) than others. I'm happy to report that he's been gung-ho to practice this new skill every chance he gets. "Grab my arm, mom." Sigh. The good news is that when you don't push these techniques all the way to the point of real pain, it gives everything a great stretch.
As we crossed the creek on the way home, it hit me that it was a beautiful day and I had really wanted to spend it on the water. My Craigslist kayak deal had fallen through, and I felt a pang of sadness that today would not be the day to put my new kayak in the water as I had originally planned.
I remembered that a good homeschooling / martial arts friend who lives across the creek from me had offered the use of her 3 kayaks whenever we wanted to use them. I called her.
Not only was she willing to loan them, she drove us up the road a ways to a good put-in and we spent the next 90 minutes or so exploring the Conodoguinet as we traveled back to her house.
Awesome time. Beautiful day.
I came home On Top Of the World. Did some tidying up, flushed the toilet in the boys' bathroom (because they're always forgetting) and took a minute to check some stuff on the computer. Took an online punch to the chest* and watched as yucky water poured out of the light fixture above the kitchen sink at the exact same moment. Scrambled to deal with both. Shit happens.
Regrouped and headed back to the dojang for two more hours of class and kickboxing.
Came home feeling pleasantly exhausted, changed and headed out for dinner and beers with part of the dojang crowd who will be out of town the night we had actually planned to celebrate and go dancing. Savageman got the kids settled in and came out too, which was great.
Collapsed into bed after midnight, having truly experienced a full day.
*As for the online punch: It was brought to my attention in a rather painful way that my last post, in which I mentioned a past relationship, was viewed by that person and it upset her. Seeing it through her eyes, I understood why, and I was sorry to have hurt her. It wasn't intended to do that, merely to remind myself of some conclusions I'd reached after a great deal of processing. All I can say is that when a relationship ends, you can dwell on the things you miss, or you can focus on reasons it worked out for the best. I've spent plenty of time doing the former, and now I've moved on to the latter.
I'm sure she could think of similar things about me that she has missed and things she's glad to be done with. For her, the cons outweighed the pros of continuing our friendship.
Sometimes, the best way to love someone is to let her go when she asks you to.
The day started with coffee and a treat with a homeschooling friend, followed by morning martial arts class. Middle and I had a good workout and also learned something called a 15 Lock Drill where we used pressure points and joint manipulation on the arms, wrists and fingers in 15 different ways, some more creative (and more painful) than others. I'm happy to report that he's been gung-ho to practice this new skill every chance he gets. "Grab my arm, mom." Sigh. The good news is that when you don't push these techniques all the way to the point of real pain, it gives everything a great stretch.
As we crossed the creek on the way home, it hit me that it was a beautiful day and I had really wanted to spend it on the water. My Craigslist kayak deal had fallen through, and I felt a pang of sadness that today would not be the day to put my new kayak in the water as I had originally planned.
I remembered that a good homeschooling / martial arts friend who lives across the creek from me had offered the use of her 3 kayaks whenever we wanted to use them. I called her.
Not only was she willing to loan them, she drove us up the road a ways to a good put-in and we spent the next 90 minutes or so exploring the Conodoguinet as we traveled back to her house.
I came home On Top Of the World. Did some tidying up, flushed the toilet in the boys' bathroom (because they're always forgetting) and took a minute to check some stuff on the computer. Took an online punch to the chest* and watched as yucky water poured out of the light fixture above the kitchen sink at the exact same moment. Scrambled to deal with both. Shit happens.
Regrouped and headed back to the dojang for two more hours of class and kickboxing.
Came home feeling pleasantly exhausted, changed and headed out for dinner and beers with part of the dojang crowd who will be out of town the night we had actually planned to celebrate and go dancing. Savageman got the kids settled in and came out too, which was great.
Collapsed into bed after midnight, having truly experienced a full day.
*As for the online punch: It was brought to my attention in a rather painful way that my last post, in which I mentioned a past relationship, was viewed by that person and it upset her. Seeing it through her eyes, I understood why, and I was sorry to have hurt her. It wasn't intended to do that, merely to remind myself of some conclusions I'd reached after a great deal of processing. All I can say is that when a relationship ends, you can dwell on the things you miss, or you can focus on reasons it worked out for the best. I've spent plenty of time doing the former, and now I've moved on to the latter.
I'm sure she could think of similar things about me that she has missed and things she's glad to be done with. For her, the cons outweighed the pros of continuing our friendship.
Sometimes, the best way to love someone is to let her go when she asks you to.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Birthday Thoughts
A good friend cornered me at the dojang last week and reminded me that my birthday is coming up and we need to pick a night to celebrate.
It's true. I'm turning 42 in a few days.
42 isn't a bad number. The shock of "Omigod I'm turning 40 and my life is almost half over and what have I really got to show for it" has worn off. As has the accompanying mid-life crisis.
To some extent, anyway.
If there's one thing I've learned in the last two or three years of rediscovering myself, it's that your true friends stand by you and encourage you, no matter what. They love you, support you, cheer for you and celebrate with you. They take pleasure in seeing you happy and fulfilled and you do the same for them, regardless of where you are in your own journey in that particular area of life, whether it be career, parenting, marriage, fitness, household management... whatever.
I've been fortunate enough this last year or so to be surrounded by people who are as comfortable with their own strengths and weaknesses as I am with mine. We all want to see each other succeed in our endeavors, and if one of us makes a forward leap, it's inspiration and encouragement for the others, not a cause for hurt or envy. Such a contrast from the days when I could expect anger and resentment for taking positive steps in my marriage, continuing to homeschool my kids, working at getting physically fit, enjoying time with my other friends, or even investing money in fixing up my home.
I've also learned that believing you can love and nurture someone out of her anger and defensiveness is naive. The energy spent managing such a relationship while still attempting forward progress of your own makes for a very difficult and conflict-ridden time. Just because you believe in and encourage the dreams and goals of another person doesn't mean she will do the same for you. A heartbreaking lesson to learn, but a valuable one all the same.
And I'm writing this down because it's important for me to remember as I move forward post-purge with a deeper appreciation of the friends I've reconnected with. So grateful for people who cheer each other on, rejoice in each other's successes, and support and encourage each other through life's challenges. My life would be so different without them.
Looking forward to celebrating another birthday with my newly refinished, uncluttered home - and heart.
Another year older = another year wiser.
It's true. I'm turning 42 in a few days.
42 isn't a bad number. The shock of "Omigod I'm turning 40 and my life is almost half over and what have I really got to show for it" has worn off. As has the accompanying mid-life crisis.
To some extent, anyway.
If there's one thing I've learned in the last two or three years of rediscovering myself, it's that your true friends stand by you and encourage you, no matter what. They love you, support you, cheer for you and celebrate with you. They take pleasure in seeing you happy and fulfilled and you do the same for them, regardless of where you are in your own journey in that particular area of life, whether it be career, parenting, marriage, fitness, household management... whatever.
I've been fortunate enough this last year or so to be surrounded by people who are as comfortable with their own strengths and weaknesses as I am with mine. We all want to see each other succeed in our endeavors, and if one of us makes a forward leap, it's inspiration and encouragement for the others, not a cause for hurt or envy. Such a contrast from the days when I could expect anger and resentment for taking positive steps in my marriage, continuing to homeschool my kids, working at getting physically fit, enjoying time with my other friends, or even investing money in fixing up my home.
I've also learned that believing you can love and nurture someone out of her anger and defensiveness is naive. The energy spent managing such a relationship while still attempting forward progress of your own makes for a very difficult and conflict-ridden time. Just because you believe in and encourage the dreams and goals of another person doesn't mean she will do the same for you. A heartbreaking lesson to learn, but a valuable one all the same.
And I'm writing this down because it's important for me to remember as I move forward post-purge with a deeper appreciation of the friends I've reconnected with. So grateful for people who cheer each other on, rejoice in each other's successes, and support and encourage each other through life's challenges. My life would be so different without them.
Looking forward to celebrating another birthday with my newly refinished, uncluttered home - and heart.
Another year older = another year wiser.
One Week
It's been a week since the floor project ended.
For me, anyway. Savageman continued dealing with it, and the designer, etc. over the weekend, but I was doing martial arts stuff - including a national tournament in Baltimore where Middle took 2nd in Weapons Forms and 1st in Fighting. His whole team did great - 6 competitors, 7 firsts in their various events and levels. A great day overall.
Great for me to get away too. After weeks and weeks of having the house torn up, working morning until night on the cleaning and decluttering effort, having people in the house, not being free to come and go as needed, sending the kids to my parents' house to get their schoolwork done, missing martial arts classes - I feel like I'm coming out of a fog and seeing my life again. When I walked into the dojang on Monday, one of my friends commented right away, "You are absolutely glowing. Everything about you looks different. It's like a huge weight has been lifted."
How right she was.
There's more to be done, of course - there always will be. But I've been doing it on my own, a little at a time. Hanging curtains, replacing cabinet hinges, shopping for appliances and furniture, caulking and painting, looking at staircase ideas, cleaning and decluttering. I've managed to keep the main floor clean this week, thanks to all the storage that we've freed up in the basement. Two new storage pieces in the dining room and a wall of shelves in the living room will help even more.
But we're taking our time with all that.
In addition to reclaiming the house, I've also made an effort to reconnect with the other people in my life this week. Lots of time with the karate friends, a long walk with my very good non-karate friend, book club tonight to kick off my birthday weekend.
It's important to me, this social time. Going too long without it makes me wiggy. I'm blessed with some very special friends, who took up a kayak collection for my birthday and put it in a homemade paper kayak.
So now I have no excuse.
After the month I've had, some sanity time paddling around on the creek sounds pretty darn good.
For me, anyway. Savageman continued dealing with it, and the designer, etc. over the weekend, but I was doing martial arts stuff - including a national tournament in Baltimore where Middle took 2nd in Weapons Forms and 1st in Fighting. His whole team did great - 6 competitors, 7 firsts in their various events and levels. A great day overall.
Great for me to get away too. After weeks and weeks of having the house torn up, working morning until night on the cleaning and decluttering effort, having people in the house, not being free to come and go as needed, sending the kids to my parents' house to get their schoolwork done, missing martial arts classes - I feel like I'm coming out of a fog and seeing my life again. When I walked into the dojang on Monday, one of my friends commented right away, "You are absolutely glowing. Everything about you looks different. It's like a huge weight has been lifted."
How right she was.
There's more to be done, of course - there always will be. But I've been doing it on my own, a little at a time. Hanging curtains, replacing cabinet hinges, shopping for appliances and furniture, caulking and painting, looking at staircase ideas, cleaning and decluttering. I've managed to keep the main floor clean this week, thanks to all the storage that we've freed up in the basement. Two new storage pieces in the dining room and a wall of shelves in the living room will help even more.
But we're taking our time with all that.
In addition to reclaiming the house, I've also made an effort to reconnect with the other people in my life this week. Lots of time with the karate friends, a long walk with my very good non-karate friend, book club tonight to kick off my birthday weekend.
It's important to me, this social time. Going too long without it makes me wiggy. I'm blessed with some very special friends, who took up a kayak collection for my birthday and put it in a homemade paper kayak.
So now I have no excuse.
After the month I've had, some sanity time paddling around on the creek sounds pretty darn good.
Friday, October 07, 2011
Progress:
 |
| Before |
 |
| Little removing tack strips and staples from the subfloor |
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Saturday, October 01, 2011
Brutal
No regrets, no looking back.
In the areas where we've worked this week, there is nothing left except those few things I could strongly justify keeping. What I've saved for pure sentimental value is boxed up properly. My storage areas are 3/4 empty.
And we're still not done.
As for the rest of the stuff that was cluttering up my house and constantly draining my energy?
I'm sitting here in my garage staring at it, hoping that people will give me money for it. Half of my driveway is covered.
And right behind me is the trash. Bags and bags and bags of it.
I'm drained.
Part of what makes this process so brutal - and it really has been brutal - isn't so much parting with the stuff. It's stuff I wasn't using, wasn't missing, and in many cases didn't even know I had. It's dealing with the fact that I ever let it get to this point in the first place.
Never. Again.
Ditto for the other things, people, thoughts and behaviors that distract me from the important things in my life, drain my tank, cause more hurt than happiness, lead to more frustration than enjoyment.
I'm purging it all. And this time, I'm being brutal about it.
Remembering how lovely my garden looked once I had yanked all the weeds.
In the areas where we've worked this week, there is nothing left except those few things I could strongly justify keeping. What I've saved for pure sentimental value is boxed up properly. My storage areas are 3/4 empty.
And we're still not done.
As for the rest of the stuff that was cluttering up my house and constantly draining my energy?
I'm sitting here in my garage staring at it, hoping that people will give me money for it. Half of my driveway is covered.
And right behind me is the trash. Bags and bags and bags of it.
I'm drained.
Part of what makes this process so brutal - and it really has been brutal - isn't so much parting with the stuff. It's stuff I wasn't using, wasn't missing, and in many cases didn't even know I had. It's dealing with the fact that I ever let it get to this point in the first place.
Never. Again.
Ditto for the other things, people, thoughts and behaviors that distract me from the important things in my life, drain my tank, cause more hurt than happiness, lead to more frustration than enjoyment.
I'm purging it all. And this time, I'm being brutal about it.
Remembering how lovely my garden looked once I had yanked all the weeds.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Purging Purging Purging
I'm purging my life.
Purging my closets, purging my bookshelves, purging my basement, my kitchen, my bathrooms, my bedroom, my kids' toys, my storage areas, my old rugs and furniture.
Stuff I've held on to because I believed I still needed it - gone.
Stuff I've held on to because it was once precious to me - gone.
Stuff I've held on to because I hoped I might enjoy it again someday in the future - gone.
It's something I've needed to do for a long time, but I've been putting it off because I was afraid of making a mistake.
Now I realize that the real mistake was cluttering up my space, my attention, my life - with stuff that I don't need or want anymore.
It feels a little bit scary, all this purging, but it also feels
Positively
Exhilarating.
It's like weeding the garden but much more brutal. And, as with the garden, I know that after this initial investment of effort, future purges will be much, much easier. Once you clear out the weeds, it's easier to see the plants. And once the plants are allowed to grow and thrive, the weeds are easy to recognize for what they are and clear as they pop up.
Good things are coming, starting this week. I am preparing to receive them with an uncluttered home and an open heart.
Purging my closets, purging my bookshelves, purging my basement, my kitchen, my bathrooms, my bedroom, my kids' toys, my storage areas, my old rugs and furniture.
Stuff I've held on to because I believed I still needed it - gone.
Stuff I've held on to because it was once precious to me - gone.
Stuff I've held on to because I hoped I might enjoy it again someday in the future - gone.
It's something I've needed to do for a long time, but I've been putting it off because I was afraid of making a mistake.
Now I realize that the real mistake was cluttering up my space, my attention, my life - with stuff that I don't need or want anymore.
It feels a little bit scary, all this purging, but it also feels
Positively
Exhilarating.
It's like weeding the garden but much more brutal. And, as with the garden, I know that after this initial investment of effort, future purges will be much, much easier. Once you clear out the weeds, it's easier to see the plants. And once the plants are allowed to grow and thrive, the weeds are easy to recognize for what they are and clear as they pop up.
Good things are coming, starting this week. I am preparing to receive them with an uncluttered home and an open heart.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Quiet Morning, Quiet Fingers
It's a quiet morning.
Little is on the family room floor, enveloped in the blanket from his bed, playing with his Duplos and listening to the computer lessons on ancient Greece and Rome. That Dog is outside enjoying the sunshine and My Cat is sleeping on her back in a sunbeam, looking kind of silly with her paw covering her eyes. Middle is beginning to stir upstairs, and the Teen is halfway through his morning classes at school.
Plans are in the works for a Girls' Lunch Out with two of my favorite people at one of my favorite restaurants, so I'm happy to be getting the majority of Little's schoolwork out of the way this morning. Middle will work independently and review his work with me at the end of the day. Tonight he and I will do Kickboxing class together and then I will take Jung Sim Do class while he has Demo Team practice. He wants to compete at a NASKA tournament in NY this weekend, so he's been working especially hard.
Life is good. Things are calm and peaceful, both inside and out.
So I'm taking a few minutes to record it here because it's such a nice feeling.
My fingers have been quiet lately, not because I haven't had anything going on, but because much of my attention has been on the kids and their academic and social lives - not much that I would consider Blogworthy without violating their privacy.
As for me, the new routine of getting up at 6:40 a.m. to see the Teen off to school has knocked me off the coffee wagon. C'est la vie. Lovin' my morning coffee again. And my afternoon coffee, for that matter.
I didn't test for my green belt last weekend, choosing instead to take my time and make sure my yellow / stripe and green belt forms and techniques are more solid before moving ahead. At this point, there is a lot to memorize and keep track of, and my 41 year old brain needs frequent review and practice or the material quickly disappears, especially under pressure. Nothing challenges me physically and intellectually like this does, and for that I am grateful, despite the frustration I feel when I forget something or can't do it as well as I would like.
On the topic of physical challenges, I've been running more since the topic of the Philly Half Marathon came up. Monday I ran with a marathon-survivor friend and we did almost 4 miles - a new record for me. I find it a lot easier to run while conversing. Not sure if I will get anywhere close to 13 miles by the end of November, but it feels good to be building my endurance.
And it feels good to be moving my fingers again. I'll try to get back in the habit as time allows.
Little is on the family room floor, enveloped in the blanket from his bed, playing with his Duplos and listening to the computer lessons on ancient Greece and Rome. That Dog is outside enjoying the sunshine and My Cat is sleeping on her back in a sunbeam, looking kind of silly with her paw covering her eyes. Middle is beginning to stir upstairs, and the Teen is halfway through his morning classes at school.
Plans are in the works for a Girls' Lunch Out with two of my favorite people at one of my favorite restaurants, so I'm happy to be getting the majority of Little's schoolwork out of the way this morning. Middle will work independently and review his work with me at the end of the day. Tonight he and I will do Kickboxing class together and then I will take Jung Sim Do class while he has Demo Team practice. He wants to compete at a NASKA tournament in NY this weekend, so he's been working especially hard.
Life is good. Things are calm and peaceful, both inside and out.
So I'm taking a few minutes to record it here because it's such a nice feeling.
My fingers have been quiet lately, not because I haven't had anything going on, but because much of my attention has been on the kids and their academic and social lives - not much that I would consider Blogworthy without violating their privacy.
As for me, the new routine of getting up at 6:40 a.m. to see the Teen off to school has knocked me off the coffee wagon. C'est la vie. Lovin' my morning coffee again. And my afternoon coffee, for that matter.
I didn't test for my green belt last weekend, choosing instead to take my time and make sure my yellow / stripe and green belt forms and techniques are more solid before moving ahead. At this point, there is a lot to memorize and keep track of, and my 41 year old brain needs frequent review and practice or the material quickly disappears, especially under pressure. Nothing challenges me physically and intellectually like this does, and for that I am grateful, despite the frustration I feel when I forget something or can't do it as well as I would like.
On the topic of physical challenges, I've been running more since the topic of the Philly Half Marathon came up. Monday I ran with a marathon-survivor friend and we did almost 4 miles - a new record for me. I find it a lot easier to run while conversing. Not sure if I will get anywhere close to 13 miles by the end of November, but it feels good to be building my endurance.
And it feels good to be moving my fingers again. I'll try to get back in the habit as time allows.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
To Kate on her Birthday
We met 8 or 9 years ago.
A move-in La Leche League Leader (Leader Applicant?) with a toddler the same age as Middle and a small baby in your arms, a passion for attachment parenting and supporting nursing moms, paired with an unconventional approach to the world and a lack of tolerance for petty bullshit - it didn't take long for us to become close friends and confidantes.
Since then, we've led our LLL Group together, cyberschooled together, endured / enjoyed Lego Robotics teams together, and challenged ourselves at the dojang together. We've seen each other at our best and our worst, we've laughed and cried, talked each other "off the ledge" and logged countless (and I really mean countless) hours of in-depth conversations about life, parenting, marriage, interpersonal crap, strengths, weaknesses, perfectionism, frustrations, martial arts, literature, science, philosophy, education, gardening, homesteading, animal behavior, child behavior, adult behavior - and often the connections between the three.
We enrolled our young kids in Hogwarts Correspondence Academy one summer together and had much more fun with that than I think they ever did - putting together the curriculum, making wands, and imagining that owls were delivering lessons to our houses.
We've planned adventures and field trips, we've hiked and camped, relaxed at the pool and tubed on the creek.
We've also kicked, punched, grappled, swept, thrown, twisted and pinned each other. We've practiced kata, stressed over tests, talked through frustrations and celebrated each other's successes both in and out of the dojang.
You've shared your children with me and have loved and supported my own kids unwaveringly, even at their worst moments. You've helped me step back and see things through their eyes when I was ready to disown them; you've been the calm in my parenting storm more times than I can count.
You've seen me through some of the darkest times I've had, and have loved and listened and nurtured and served as the Voice of Reason more times than anyone should ever have to.
So today, on your birthday, I'm celebrating you and how much your friendship has meant to me these many years. Your impact on my life, my sanity, and my own journey as a mother, a wife, a martial artist, and a person has been immesurable. I love you dearly and wish for you a year of happiness and success, especially as you prepare for the challenges of 1) puberty and 2) your black belt test. (Both of which you will handle masterfully, I might add.) You are one of the strongest, smartest, and most loyal people I know and I am so grateful to have you in my life.
Happy Birthday!
XOXOX
Monday, September 05, 2011
Blogging on the Phone
So I finally got a Smartphone.
And this is gonna be short because I still don't have the hang of the touchscreen typing yet.
Fortunately my phone has an option that allows me to merely speak the words and they will appear on the screen. And I just used it.
Okay, that was totally cool. And a lot faster than typing with my thumbs.
I've downloaded facebook, my Nook books, and a bunch of other fun things. But no games. games would eat up what little extra time I have.
It's bittersweet giving up my old Tracfone, which does absolutely nothing cool, but has served me well over the many years I have had it. I once dropped it in a snow-covered field on a Girl Scout trip and went back to look for it two days later. When I called it, I heard its happy little ring right away. "I'm over here! Good to see you again!"
That kind of loyalty isn't easy to find in this world, let me tell you.
So now I have this new fancy-schmancy phone, and I'm already enjoying it very much. But I won't throw out my old Tracfone. My plan is to keep it around to hand to Little on occasion. He named it Kitty Fish Bar many years ago, for reasons I have yet to understand, and I know they will continue to have many good times together.
:-)
And this is gonna be short because I still don't have the hang of the touchscreen typing yet.
Fortunately my phone has an option that allows me to merely speak the words and they will appear on the screen. And I just used it.
Okay, that was totally cool. And a lot faster than typing with my thumbs.
I've downloaded facebook, my Nook books, and a bunch of other fun things. But no games. games would eat up what little extra time I have.
It's bittersweet giving up my old Tracfone, which does absolutely nothing cool, but has served me well over the many years I have had it. I once dropped it in a snow-covered field on a Girl Scout trip and went back to look for it two days later. When I called it, I heard its happy little ring right away. "I'm over here! Good to see you again!"
That kind of loyalty isn't easy to find in this world, let me tell you.
So now I have this new fancy-schmancy phone, and I'm already enjoying it very much. But I won't throw out my old Tracfone. My plan is to keep it around to hand to Little on occasion. He named it Kitty Fish Bar many years ago, for reasons I have yet to understand, and I know they will continue to have many good times together.
:-)
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Okay, I'm Back
It was a beautiful wedding.
My sweet, wonderful cousin - who was just a little kid at my own wedding - married her best friend and soulmate today in a beautiful outdoor ceremony. A truly joyful occasion, and a wonderful chance to catch up with family members I don't often get to see.
Almost right away, two of them told me how glad they are that I'm blogging again and how much they enjoy and identify with what I write.
This came exactly a week after I had given it up, thinking no one would miss it, and feeling like the daily writing was becoming a bit of a chore.
A nudge from the Universe to start back up? Perhaps.
Another nudge came from my Philadelphia cousin who strongly encouraged me to train for the Philly Half-Marathon (he's running the entire marathon, but there's a half option too). 13.1 miles at the end of November could actually be do-able if I start training now.
I'm absolutely enthralled with the book Born To Run, which is teaching me all about running the way Nature intended, why Minimal Footwear is preferable to cushiony Nikes, and how people who do it right can run 100-mile Ultramarathons (which sort of puts 13.1 miles into perspective).
I have a place to stay and someone to line up with at the start of the race.
Savageman might consider it also.
So I printed out some training and injury-prevention programs to read tomorrow. My first priority this week is to decide if I am ready to test for my Green Belt Saturday, but getting my butt outside for a 4 mile run in the mornings certianly wouldn't hurt. And experience has taught me that the rest of my day tends to go much better when I start off that way.
Giving it some serious thought, and feeling grateful for my cousins and other family members I so enjoyed seeing today.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Peak Run
I took off this morning for a run. Ran my heart out to a loop of this song as Hurricane Irene rolled in. Feeling one with the pavement, one with the music, one with the storm, one with the rain... it was like nothing else. Arrived home drenched in sweat and rain - feeling cleansed and clear-headed - and much better.
It was a Peak Experience.
It was a Peak Experience.
Friday, August 26, 2011
First Day
Saw the Teen off to his first day of Sophmore year this morning.
He's been much better about transitions in these last months. We've had one vacation departure and one first day of school now with minimal outbursts and anxiety. Hoping his day is going well.
My own Inner Teen has been sulking a bit over things she can't change. I'm giving her a little space to pout, but not much. I tell her what I tell the kids - It is what it is. It's your choice to either sulk and be sad about what you're missing, or to focus on all that you do have, be grateful for it, and get on with your life. Either way, it's your choice and you have to own it.
At times like this, I try to keep her busy doing the kinds of things she likes. She's a sweet girl, my Inner Teen, and while she's only a small part of me, her needs are important too. I love her and want her to be happy.
He's been much better about transitions in these last months. We've had one vacation departure and one first day of school now with minimal outbursts and anxiety. Hoping his day is going well.
My own Inner Teen has been sulking a bit over things she can't change. I'm giving her a little space to pout, but not much. I tell her what I tell the kids - It is what it is. It's your choice to either sulk and be sad about what you're missing, or to focus on all that you do have, be grateful for it, and get on with your life. Either way, it's your choice and you have to own it.
At times like this, I try to keep her busy doing the kinds of things she likes. She's a sweet girl, my Inner Teen, and while she's only a small part of me, her needs are important too. I love her and want her to be happy.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Catching My Breath
So it's been a really busy week.
I woke up last Thursday, took the boys to martial arts, took class myself, went out to lunch, handed the kids off to hang with their friends, came home, packed and headed for Maryland with a bunch of Girl Scouts.
Had a great time in Ocean City and on Assateague Island.
Came home Sunday, took a shower, did some laundry, checked in with Savageman and the Teen, spent a night in my own bed then packed up Middle and Little for Ohiopyle with our friends early Monday afternoon.
We arrived, checked out the area, set up camp, ate, slept. Tuesday morning we rented bikes and rode 26 miles round-trip on the Great Allegheny Passage Trail before the natural water slides, which were a great hit with the kids. (I didn't slide, but I did enjoy soaking my tired legs in the cold mountain spring water.)
The next day, we got up, broke down camp and headed out to Cucumber Falls for more water fun, then did the guided tour of Laurel Caverns. We took a short hike to a scenic overlook before the ride home, and a stop for dinner together along the way.
Although we did a lot, the pace was leisurely enough that we didn't feel rushed. We took our time. Our friends had taken care of all the planning and shopping and it was nice to be along for the ride this trip.
And now I'm back. Savageman had cleaned the house (particularly the garage) in my absence, which was really wonderful. The Teen had written drafts of his two papers, worked a bunch of hours at his McJob, and had prepared for school, which starts tomorrow. I was impressed at how well they were able to (with the help of my parents) hold down the fort, even during a work week. A confidence-builder for us all.
Today was spent editing the papers with him before his McJob, repacking and reshelving the camping bins, doing tons of laundry, mowing the lawn, grocery shopping, helping Little make his first Boston Cream Pie from scratch, etc. Busy busy, but with plenty of time for reflection alone while mowing and on the phone with my camping friend while we were unpacking. Much to think about as we transition into a new school / homeschool year.
None of which I am ready to write about yet.
So for now I will say that I am grateful for the opportunity to travel this last week and to see so many beautiful places with some truly wonderful people. It reminds me of how much more there is to see and do while the kids are still young. I'm eager to do more as circumstances allow. There's still a bunch of backpacking equipment on the shelf waiting to be put to use and a whole lot of destinations on my travel wish list.
I'm optimistic that I will find the time and the companions to make it happen.
:-D
I woke up last Thursday, took the boys to martial arts, took class myself, went out to lunch, handed the kids off to hang with their friends, came home, packed and headed for Maryland with a bunch of Girl Scouts.
Had a great time in Ocean City and on Assateague Island.
Came home Sunday, took a shower, did some laundry, checked in with Savageman and the Teen, spent a night in my own bed then packed up Middle and Little for Ohiopyle with our friends early Monday afternoon.
We arrived, checked out the area, set up camp, ate, slept. Tuesday morning we rented bikes and rode 26 miles round-trip on the Great Allegheny Passage Trail before the natural water slides, which were a great hit with the kids. (I didn't slide, but I did enjoy soaking my tired legs in the cold mountain spring water.)
The next day, we got up, broke down camp and headed out to Cucumber Falls for more water fun, then did the guided tour of Laurel Caverns. We took a short hike to a scenic overlook before the ride home, and a stop for dinner together along the way.
Although we did a lot, the pace was leisurely enough that we didn't feel rushed. We took our time. Our friends had taken care of all the planning and shopping and it was nice to be along for the ride this trip.
And now I'm back. Savageman had cleaned the house (particularly the garage) in my absence, which was really wonderful. The Teen had written drafts of his two papers, worked a bunch of hours at his McJob, and had prepared for school, which starts tomorrow. I was impressed at how well they were able to (with the help of my parents) hold down the fort, even during a work week. A confidence-builder for us all.
Today was spent editing the papers with him before his McJob, repacking and reshelving the camping bins, doing tons of laundry, mowing the lawn, grocery shopping, helping Little make his first Boston Cream Pie from scratch, etc. Busy busy, but with plenty of time for reflection alone while mowing and on the phone with my camping friend while we were unpacking. Much to think about as we transition into a new school / homeschool year.
None of which I am ready to write about yet.
So for now I will say that I am grateful for the opportunity to travel this last week and to see so many beautiful places with some truly wonderful people. It reminds me of how much more there is to see and do while the kids are still young. I'm eager to do more as circumstances allow. There's still a bunch of backpacking equipment on the shelf waiting to be put to use and a whole lot of destinations on my travel wish list.
I'm optimistic that I will find the time and the companions to make it happen.
:-D
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Home Again
... for the moment.
While I was sitting on the beach watching the scouts ride the waves, I got a call from my friend asking if the smaller Savages and I wanted in on a camping trip to Ohiopyle she was planning for this week. Meaning I would be getting home, unpacking, spending a night in my own bed, then packing up for the woods again the next morning.
Sure, why not?
So that's the plan. I'm actually looking forward to time away with the boys, since I kind of missed them while I was camping with the girls these last days. I would have preferred that Savageman join us too, but he has to work. As does the Teen, who also has two essays to write before the start of school Friday.
But the three of us spending a few days with our good friends exploring Ohiopyle should be a fun time. Our friends are familiar with the area and what it has to offer, and the meals and activities have been pretty much planned so all we have to do is to pack and show up.
For now, I'm relaxing, appreciating hanging with my Savageman and being in my house - which is remarkably clean thanks to him - and decompressing quickly from the last 4 days' excitement.
Grateful for a hubby and parents who support my volunteer activities, especially when they have to hold down the fort for several days. Also grateful for a Troop of Leaders and girls who have made me feel so welcome and appreciated, and for good friends to camp again with this week.
Feeling quite blessed.
And tired.
But in a good way.
While I was sitting on the beach watching the scouts ride the waves, I got a call from my friend asking if the smaller Savages and I wanted in on a camping trip to Ohiopyle she was planning for this week. Meaning I would be getting home, unpacking, spending a night in my own bed, then packing up for the woods again the next morning.
Sure, why not?
So that's the plan. I'm actually looking forward to time away with the boys, since I kind of missed them while I was camping with the girls these last days. I would have preferred that Savageman join us too, but he has to work. As does the Teen, who also has two essays to write before the start of school Friday.
But the three of us spending a few days with our good friends exploring Ohiopyle should be a fun time. Our friends are familiar with the area and what it has to offer, and the meals and activities have been pretty much planned so all we have to do is to pack and show up.
For now, I'm relaxing, appreciating hanging with my Savageman and being in my house - which is remarkably clean thanks to him - and decompressing quickly from the last 4 days' excitement.
Grateful for a hubby and parents who support my volunteer activities, especially when they have to hold down the fort for several days. Also grateful for a Troop of Leaders and girls who have made me feel so welcome and appreciated, and for good friends to camp again with this week.
Feeling quite blessed.
And tired.
But in a good way.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Weeding Once Again
This time, I was uncharacteristically Brutal.
The thorny raspberries that keep pushing their way through the fence into my tomatoes and peppers? Gone.
The "volunteer" pumpkins that all but took over the whole garden this year? Gone.
Any of the veggies that weren't producing, weren't pulling their weight, weren't justifying their existence in my garden? Yep. Gone.
Sorry, lame veggies.
It took more than 4 hours of work, but I have reclaimed my garden. And, as always, I have come away with Insights.
Sometimes you have to be Brutal.
I once told someone that I "didn't have it in me." I once broke down in the changing room after having to fight my close friend during class, fearing my own ability to hurt her.
I let plants I didn't really want take over my garden because I didn't have the heart to kill them.
No more.
I am Strong. I am Fierce. I am Brutal.
Fear Me.
And admire my garden.
The thorny raspberries that keep pushing their way through the fence into my tomatoes and peppers? Gone.
The "volunteer" pumpkins that all but took over the whole garden this year? Gone.
Any of the veggies that weren't producing, weren't pulling their weight, weren't justifying their existence in my garden? Yep. Gone.
Sorry, lame veggies.
It took more than 4 hours of work, but I have reclaimed my garden. And, as always, I have come away with Insights.
Sometimes you have to be Brutal.
I once told someone that I "didn't have it in me." I once broke down in the changing room after having to fight my close friend during class, fearing my own ability to hurt her.
I let plants I didn't really want take over my garden because I didn't have the heart to kill them.
No more.
I am Strong. I am Fierce. I am Brutal.
Fear Me.
And admire my garden.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Hanging on to Summer
Today, School for Middle and Little consisted of morning at the dojang, pizza buffet lunch with their ninja buddies, a long stretch at the park, and back to the dojang for more classes and more time with the ninja buddies.
Middle's still there - I doubt he'll be doing any other work today.
But that's okay. It was an absolutely beautiful day to spend at the park. It was 80 degrees and a little breezy; the sound of the cicadas filled the air, as did the smell of someone's barbeque. The kids spent the first part of our time there impressing each other with their feats of strength and flexibility - and bravery - jumping and flipping and climbing in new and interesting ways the playground equipment and wide open fields afforded them. Then Little and his buddy took off on their scooters while Middle and 3 of his bffs lay in a heap on the grass with their heads resting on each other, staring at the sky, talking and laughing and probably playing Truth or Dare. (I'm guessing becuase every so often, one of them would get up and do something goofy.)
It was positively idyllic - I hope these are the memories he carries away from his Tween years - warmth and acceptance from longtime friends, laughing and playing and sharing secrets and making each other friendship bracelets.
Which is what they did when we got back to the dojang - took off for the craft store and came back with string to make friendship bracelets while they waited for their classes to start and while I took kickboxing.
Between classes, they walked across the street to get dinner together, then came back for Competition Team practice. Where they'll likely be until 9 or so.
Definitely a long day, but a very full one.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Easing Back In
Today was our first day.
Both homeschoolers did French on Rosetta Stone for their allotted time. Little made Lemon Squares from scratch, Middle made a bunch of friendship bracelets, and The Teen went shoe shoppping with Grandma, did his French (although he's been doing that all summer) and started work on his English packet.
And I made a Real Dinner we actually sat down and ate together.
I know, it doesn't sound like much, but the beauty of homeschooling is that we can take a few weeks to gradually get used to the routine, adding a little more each day.
Transitioning into a new schedule is never easy for our family, including me. I am sorry to admit that I was not the friendliest person. A few supportive phone calls from my friends and a new espresso machine* Mom picked up for me helped get me through the day. No martial arts for me this evening - I was pretty full from eating dinner at 5. That part of the schedule will need to be tweaked. Perhaps Lunch will be our sit-down meal. At noon.
Snuggling up to watch a movie tonight and finish my lesson planning for the year. I have a bunch of great supplemental science and art projects chosen and put on the calendar - hoping this year we get to do them all. The more I do ahead of time, the better it is in the long run.
Grateful for the opportunity to teach Middle and Little for at least one more year, and for a first day that didn't go too badly.
The Lemon Bars were delicious.
*I haven't completely fallen off the coffee wagon; I'm just happy to have it now as an occasional treat instead of a daily necessity.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Barefoot / Chi Running Day!
So I spent a good part of this morning reading about and watching videos on different ways to run.
This is something to which I haven't really given much thought, even though I've been running with some regularity since I got my Vibrams in April.
But reading Born to Run has been such an experience so far, I needed to learn more about "natural" running. And, as it turns out, children and members of native tribes known for their running abilities do run differently than most American adults.
I've just started learning about this, and there's a lot of information out there. This site has some really interesting stuff I'll be sure to spend some time with, and youtube has a lot of videos showing in slow motion the difference between running in shoes vs. running barefoot or in "minimal footwear" (like the Vibrams) and running with the heel strike vs. the midfoot or forefoot strike.
Fascinating stuff!
Of course, I had to try it out for myself. Savageman, Middle and I went to the gym and I spent quite a bit of time on the treadmill, in my Vibrams, focusing on keeping my feet under my hips (not out in front), striking with my forefoot, and kicking my heels up to almost hit my butt. Middle still seems to do this naturally, but for me, it felt very different.
After the initial burn in my calves and thighs settled down, I found my rhythm and it was all very easy. When I got to the end of the time I had set for myself, I started the cooldown and changed my mind - I wanted to do more. I did stop myself soon after that, remembering that it's important to start with smaller distances when making a transition, but I felt good enough to keep going. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. Despite the martial arts conditioning routine I've been following, I'm expecting to be a little sore.
Taking an Aleve and putting those legs up. Maybe Savageman will rub them while we watch a movie together.
:-)
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Grown-Up Time / Teen Time
Tonight was the first night in recent history that, instead of entertaining Middle's group of friends, Savageman and I went out to a party with a group of grown-up friends of our own.
It was fun. I got to catch up with people I hadn't seen in a while, and see Savageman out in public, where he is very charming and funny - both very nice things.
Having a group of the martial arts kids here was also very fun for me, though. Even though they are technically Middle's friends, I work out with them at the dojang too, and many of them outrank me and are just as much friends and mentors to me as they would be if they were adults. The teenage girls especially hold a special place in my heart, because in some Alternate Universe somewhere, I was just as strong and brave and capable as they are. They represent everything I would have loved to have seen in myself as a young teen, and hopefully they know I think the world of each and every one of them.
I had some quality Girl Time last week with them, and am looking forward to more Girl Time this week, and even more next weekend when I head to Assateague Island with my scouts. I think the world of them too.
At this age (middle school & early high school), it's my belief that the more people in a girl's life who think the world of her, the better. Not in an indulgent way, of course, but in a high-expectations, high-accountability kind of way.
Feeling grateful tonight for both my adult friends and the Teens and Tweens in my life.
:-)
It was fun. I got to catch up with people I hadn't seen in a while, and see Savageman out in public, where he is very charming and funny - both very nice things.
Having a group of the martial arts kids here was also very fun for me, though. Even though they are technically Middle's friends, I work out with them at the dojang too, and many of them outrank me and are just as much friends and mentors to me as they would be if they were adults. The teenage girls especially hold a special place in my heart, because in some Alternate Universe somewhere, I was just as strong and brave and capable as they are. They represent everything I would have loved to have seen in myself as a young teen, and hopefully they know I think the world of each and every one of them.
I had some quality Girl Time last week with them, and am looking forward to more Girl Time this week, and even more next weekend when I head to Assateague Island with my scouts. I think the world of them too.
At this age (middle school & early high school), it's my belief that the more people in a girl's life who think the world of her, the better. Not in an indulgent way, of course, but in a high-expectations, high-accountability kind of way.
Feeling grateful tonight for both my adult friends and the Teens and Tweens in my life.
:-)
Friday, August 12, 2011
The Art and Science of Gratitude
I recently came across some interesting articles like this and this regarding the benefits of taking some time each day to write about things that are going well, aspects of the day to be happy about, people and events to be grateful for.
Robert Emmons and his colleagues at U.C. Davis have found that people who keep a daily gratitude journal report more optimism and satisfaction with their lives, sleep better, and are generally healthier for doing so. They've also found that, while reports of general happiness fluctuate with the events of daily life, establishing a daily practice of noticing and writing about gratitude-inspiring events can help change an individual's "set point" for happiness.
"The set point concept is supported by research that shows that people return to a characteristic level of happiness a short time after both unusually good and unusually bad events. But the research on gratitude suggests that people can move their set point upward to some degree, enough to have a measurable effect on both their outlook and their health."
Emmons asserts that gratitude is a choice that we make - not only in what we journal about, but where we choose to direct our attention, what we talk about with others, and who we choose to surround ourselves with.
"If we hang out with ungrateful people, we will ‘catch' one set of emotions; if we choose to associate with more grateful individuals, the influence will be in another direction. Find a grateful person and spend more time with him or her."
Given that our own attitude can infect those of others, it follows that it would be difficult to raise positive, happy, upbeat, resiliant children if we don't model these attitudes ourselves.
An article in Mental Health News suggests: "At the end of each day, talk to your children and help them reflect on their day and think about the things that made it a good day. By ending each day thinking about what happened that made them happy, you can help them learn to accentuate the positive events in their lives."
While I haven't yet begun a structured activity like this with my kids each night, they do see my own habit of ending the day by blogging about something I feel good about, and I hope that something about that practice or the effect it has on my attitude is rubbing off on them. Even if it's been a difficult day here at home, I can write about martial arts or a book I'm enjoying - there's always some good I can find if I think about it.
No one's life is without its share of challenges, but facing those challenges with an optimistic spirit and a focus on blessings rather than curses - and keeping company with people who do the same - can have a major impact, not only on our own lives, but of the lives entrusted to us.
Daily gratitude journaling is one powerful step in reshaping - not only attitude - but, indirectly, the culture of the whole family.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Movie Night
Middle and the martial arts gang having an impromptu movie night. Watching Scott Pilgrim and baking chocolate peanut butter bars.
Best. Kids.
:-)
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Eating Post-Workout
Tonight I vowed to cook.
Even though I was, as usual, not going to be home from martial arts until 9ish, I had a plan in mind that involved fresh, local ingredients and a small amount of work to prepare. Once I got home, that is.
But here's the thing. I can't eat for a few hours before I go. Doing what we do on anything but an empty stomach is asking for... upchuck. I think we finished kickboxing with 25 Burpees, 200 crunches and 100 leg lifts - and that was the wrap-up. And all of this was before the hour of Jung Sim Do class, which wasn't a cakewalk either.
Not that I'm complaining, of course. It's honestly the highlight of my day.
But afterward, I'm waiting for Middle to finish up with his Demo and Competition Team friends, and I'm ravenous, so I eat a Lemon Cliff Builder Bar with 20 grams of protein. And it kind of fills me up.
But I have this plan!!! So I get home, husk my fresh local corn, heat the grill, roast the corn on the grill and mix up some cilantro/lime butter.
Then I get out the magazine with the great recipe in it, wash the cherry tomatoes from my friend's garden, cut up the fresh olives I got in the gourmet section of the store yesterday, rip up the bread from the same gourmet section, toss it in extra-virgin olive oil, slice up garlic and onion from the CSA farm, peppers from my own garden, and I roast all of this in the oven.
By now it is about 9:30. Savageman and the kids have eaten a Tony's frozen pizza and have moved on with their night. I'm alone with 5 ears of corn and an oven full of delicious food. I eat two of the ears of grilled corn with the cilantro/lime butter and they are delicious. I call for the other Savages. No response.
When my bread, tomatoes, olives, etc. are cooked, I toss them with balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper. Fabulous. But way too much for me, especially since I already had the Bar. And now two ears of corn, the rest of which are getting cold. I call again. No one's interested. I eventually guilt Savageman into eating some of it and he complains that eating this late will make him fat.
No kidding. But when else am I going to cook?
C'est la vie. After the large glass of red wine and the Aleve, I'm no longer feeling pain or irritation. I'm getting in a hot bath with my full stomach and a book about ultramarathon runners.
I'll deal with the leftovers tomorrow.
Even though I was, as usual, not going to be home from martial arts until 9ish, I had a plan in mind that involved fresh, local ingredients and a small amount of work to prepare. Once I got home, that is.
But here's the thing. I can't eat for a few hours before I go. Doing what we do on anything but an empty stomach is asking for... upchuck. I think we finished kickboxing with 25 Burpees, 200 crunches and 100 leg lifts - and that was the wrap-up. And all of this was before the hour of Jung Sim Do class, which wasn't a cakewalk either.
Not that I'm complaining, of course. It's honestly the highlight of my day.
But afterward, I'm waiting for Middle to finish up with his Demo and Competition Team friends, and I'm ravenous, so I eat a Lemon Cliff Builder Bar with 20 grams of protein. And it kind of fills me up.
But I have this plan!!! So I get home, husk my fresh local corn, heat the grill, roast the corn on the grill and mix up some cilantro/lime butter.
Then I get out the magazine with the great recipe in it, wash the cherry tomatoes from my friend's garden, cut up the fresh olives I got in the gourmet section of the store yesterday, rip up the bread from the same gourmet section, toss it in extra-virgin olive oil, slice up garlic and onion from the CSA farm, peppers from my own garden, and I roast all of this in the oven.
By now it is about 9:30. Savageman and the kids have eaten a Tony's frozen pizza and have moved on with their night. I'm alone with 5 ears of corn and an oven full of delicious food. I eat two of the ears of grilled corn with the cilantro/lime butter and they are delicious. I call for the other Savages. No response.
When my bread, tomatoes, olives, etc. are cooked, I toss them with balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper. Fabulous. But way too much for me, especially since I already had the Bar. And now two ears of corn, the rest of which are getting cold. I call again. No one's interested. I eventually guilt Savageman into eating some of it and he complains that eating this late will make him fat.
No kidding. But when else am I going to cook?
C'est la vie. After the large glass of red wine and the Aleve, I'm no longer feeling pain or irritation. I'm getting in a hot bath with my full stomach and a book about ultramarathon runners.
I'll deal with the leftovers tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Sew Happy
Feeling very pleased with myself tonight.
Faced with a rainy morning alone (the boys all slept in), I dug out my giant bin of fabric, the ironing board and iron, and the sewing machine. The fabric was a jumbled up mess. My best guess is that the bin tipped over at some point and someone (possibly even me) just stuffed it all back in there. And didn't touch it again for several years.
So, one piece at a time, I ironed, folded, and organized all the fabric. Little helped after he woke up. It took all morning, but it was so satisfying to see it back in the bin nice and neat, ready for use in a project.
After a shopping trip, our usual two+ hours of martial arts, and some homemade guacamole (I'm on a kick), I actually used the fabric and the sewing machine to make something fun. No one helped this time, but Little did watch me use the sewing machine, and he stuffed a small pillow for himself. Middle checked out the new sewing kit I had picked up for myself at the craft store, and strongly objected when I tried to stick some pins in the cute little tomato pincushion. He's sensitive like that when he's not kicking butt.
Little made an Oreo / pudding dessert while we were at martial arts and he is now looking through the new Hershey cookbook we picked up on the shopping trip. So tomorrow may be a baking day. If I leave the sewing machine and fabric out, it may turn out to be another sewing day as well. Maybe we'll make some whimsical sock creatures - that used to be a favorite activity with them.
Glad the little Savages enjoy cooking and sewing in addition to baseball and karate and soccer and basketball. Although I do want to stick pins in my tomato without being accused of cruelty.
:-)
Monday, August 08, 2011
Happy Birthday!
Today is the birthday of one of my dearest friends.
I can't think of a better occasion to write about how much I love and appreciate her.
One of the most caring and nurturing people I know, she's always there to listen, to hug, to offer wisdom, or to put together a hike or a girl-day, often before I even realize it's exactly what I was needing. She's smart and perceptive and has a unique sense of fun that makes her a joy to be with.
Visiting her home is like spending an afternoon at a spa. Beautiful and open, filled with light and growing things and pleasant smells, it's one of my favorite places to retreat to - such a contrast to my House of Men. There's usually something yummy to eat or a healthy smoothie to drink, and something crafty available to do together. The love and attention she puts into her home inspires me to do what I can to improve the quality of my own surroundings, knowing the good feeling that comes from such a peaceful space. I always return home feeling refreshed and rejuvinated after a visit with her.
One of the things I admire and appreciate most about my friend is her openness to learning and growing in new ways. Whether it's learning to paint or quilt, writing fiction, baking homemade bread, taking zumba dance classes, or going back to school, she embraces opportunities to challenge and enrich herself in new and exciting ways. She leads by example, showing her kids the value of trying something new and working hard to master it, while at the same time being patient and forgiving if perfection doesn't come right away. As a result, she's a great source of information and wisdom on so many different subjects. Decorating, gardening, nutrition, health, writing, movies, books... I've been blessed on so many occasions to have had her as a resource in so many ways.
And she can skim a book - with full comprehension - in one sitting. How awesome is that???
Because I've known her and her husband since our kids were wee little, I've seen theirs grow through the years into some of the best people I know. I'm so blessed to have her, and her whole family, in my life.
Happy birthday, beautiful friend - with love and gratitude for all that you are!
XO
Sunday, August 07, 2011
The Details
Okay, so here's our story from D.C. this weekend.
We arrived Friday afternoon. Checked into the tournament, checked into the hotel. Two teammates were competing in the XMA (Extreme Martial Arts) portion of the tournament - both dropped their weapons and were disqualified. It happens.
We went out to dinner at a wonderful Italian restaurant in National Harbor, down the street from the hotel. Had gourmet personal pizzas and good fun together with the other 18 parents and kids who were there.
Back to the hotel, where Middle and Little had goofy fun in the hotel room until Much Too Late. Little made himself a nest in the closet, Middle and I took the two beds. Middle woke me up at about 4 a.m. saying he was having a hard time sleeping. Thanks, Middle.
Got up Super Extra Early for a run and some laps in the pool, which we had to ourselves. Then we headed for the tournament.
Middle started with weapons - and again, he's been working so hard on this nunchakau form, he really had high hopes for it. And he looked spectacular - until he dropped one of his 'chucks - then hit himself in the eye, then did his release but couldn't catch it because he no longer had binocular vision... all in all, it didn't go well.
Open hand forms didn't go so well either. He was pretty discouraged.
I got him an energy drink. 130 mg of caffeine seemed to perk him up quite a bit. He geared up for sparring.
Sparring in a NASKA tournament is different than any sparring he's ever done before. It's full contact, meaning you can hit the person anywhere and as hard as you want. Because of this, you have to wear a chest protector and face guard in addition to the helmet, gloves, boots and mouthguard he already wears. Also, instead of 1st person to get 3 points wins, these rounds go 2 minutes. Kicks are 2 points, punches 1 point. If you have at least 7 points and are up by at least 5, they will end the match before the two minutes are up.
This actually seemed to work well for Middle, who is often hesitant because he knows he can't hit the head or crotch. Here, he could just go full-force without worrying about pulling his kicks and punches. He won his first round.
His teammate, and one of his best friends, won his first 2 rounds. They now had to fight each other. Considering how quickly he had won those rounds (well before the 2 minutes were up), I was expecting him to do the same with Middle. They're usually a pretty equal match when they spar in the dojang. Much to my surprise, it was Middle who won in probably under a minute.
Now he had to fight the other undefeated guy for 1st place. He fought really hard for the full two minutes and lost 7-4. So he finished in 2nd place.
The best part? Their ring had a large group so it was taking a long time to get through their events. By the time they were starting these sparring matches, the rest of the team were done with their events so everyone was there to cheer for Middle and their other teammate. Every time either of them scored a point during their combined 5 matches, there was a huge erruption of noise as about 25 people cheered and celebrated. (It was a little more subdued during their match against each other, for obvious reasons.) What a thrill to have some of his closest friends and mentors standing by to cheer him on and encourage him to "Be! Aggressive! Be-Be Aggressive!" and to hug and high-five him when it was over.
It was time to go for Mexican food. Rosa Mexicana has the best guacamole ever. We ate a lot, went back to the hotel, the gang of kids took off together while the grown-ups had some down time, and then we got back together for the Big Show where all the cool XMA people did their amazing stuff on stage. Video below.
We got home at about 1:30 a.m., tired and happy. So proud of Middle and all his teammates. What a great experience overall!
Saturday, August 06, 2011
That's One Big Trophy
We came home from Middle's very first national NASKA tournament in D.C. with this, which he won for kicking some serious butt.
More tomorrow.
Friday, August 05, 2011
US Capitol Classic Tournament
We are here.
Looking forward to a weekend of watching Middle and his teammates kick and punch and twirl weapons with the best in the country.
If nothing else, it will be a great show and a fun weekend away.
Looking forward to a weekend of watching Middle and his teammates kick and punch and twirl weapons with the best in the country.
If nothing else, it will be a great show and a fun weekend away.
Thursday, August 04, 2011
I Could So Get Used to This...
It's latelatelate and I just returned from yet ANOTHER jam-session on my lovely friend's back deck.
So. Much. Fun.
It's a gorgeous moonlit night, there's a campfire burning poolside, and we're taking turns with the guitar with the crickets and cicadas singing backup, looking up chords and lyrics, working out harmonies, telling stories of concerts we've been to, sharing memories we've attached to various songs from our youth, eating and drinking and laughing and high-fiving each other late into the night.
Her friend is visiting from out of town with her family and the friend's husband plays the guitar for real, so this time I could just sing and enjoy.
I had to finally tear myself away, but it wasn't easy. The martial arts competition is in D.C. tomorrow and Saturday - I need some sleep. I did leave the guitar for them to enjoy this weekend - so glad to know it will be put to good use. As always, I'm vowing to make the time to learn some new chords, learn some new songs - even though she's always happy with the same old stuff I play every time. At least now I have some callouses on my fingertips.
Going to bed feeling positively blissful after a week of 2+ hours per day at martial arts - and two much-deserved nights out with friends.
Tank full, batteries recharged.
Happy me.
:-)
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Pain...
... is weakness leaving the body.
That's what we tell ourselves, anyway.
I'm no longer at the point where I feel every workout the next day, but I'm feeling it now. Especially in the arm and shoulder regions. Not sure if it was all the pushups and planks earlier in the week or being repeatedly thrown on the mat by the 19-Year-Old-Wonder - I love that guy - but I'm feeling it tonight.
My home remedy for post-workout muscle aches? Aleve and red wine. (Anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants.) And a hot shower or bath.
Which is where I'm headed.
And that's all the whining I'm going to do. Pain: physical, emotional, spiritual - is often an essential step toward a stronger body, mind and heart. I'm learning to embrace it and all that it has to teach me.
This is the strongest I've been in so many ways, and I have - in large part - the pain to thank for that.
Feeling so very blessed to have these aching muscles.
:-)
That's what we tell ourselves, anyway.
I'm no longer at the point where I feel every workout the next day, but I'm feeling it now. Especially in the arm and shoulder regions. Not sure if it was all the pushups and planks earlier in the week or being repeatedly thrown on the mat by the 19-Year-Old-Wonder - I love that guy - but I'm feeling it tonight.
My home remedy for post-workout muscle aches? Aleve and red wine. (Anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants.) And a hot shower or bath.
Which is where I'm headed.
And that's all the whining I'm going to do. Pain: physical, emotional, spiritual - is often an essential step toward a stronger body, mind and heart. I'm learning to embrace it and all that it has to teach me.
This is the strongest I've been in so many ways, and I have - in large part - the pain to thank for that.
Feeling so very blessed to have these aching muscles.
:-)
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Outta Time
The little sproingy thing on my watch broke early last week.
This watch is the last thing I take off when I get in the shower and the first thing to go back on. And unless I'm in the shower or the pool or the dojang, it's been a fixture on my arm since around when Middle was conceived.
So it's a little weird being without it.
For the first day or so, I must have looked at my bare wrist 500 times.
The next couple of days were better - if I really needed to know what time it was, I pulled out my cell phone and looked at it.
Now I don't even do that.
There's something about being all Zen in the summer, just doing stuff with the kids and not needing to know what time it is (other than for martial arts classes.)
Looking forward to a few more weeks of hanging out at the pool, in the woods, and with our friends just enjoying the summer with no time constraints.
Not hurrying to get my watch fixed. My arm and my spirit are lighter without it.
This watch is the last thing I take off when I get in the shower and the first thing to go back on. And unless I'm in the shower or the pool or the dojang, it's been a fixture on my arm since around when Middle was conceived.
So it's a little weird being without it.
For the first day or so, I must have looked at my bare wrist 500 times.
The next couple of days were better - if I really needed to know what time it was, I pulled out my cell phone and looked at it.
Now I don't even do that.
There's something about being all Zen in the summer, just doing stuff with the kids and not needing to know what time it is (other than for martial arts classes.)
Looking forward to a few more weeks of hanging out at the pool, in the woods, and with our friends just enjoying the summer with no time constraints.
Not hurrying to get my watch fixed. My arm and my spirit are lighter without it.
Monday, August 01, 2011
100% Better
Dance music is pounding, I'm drenched in sweat, my arms and legs are shaking. "Five more seconds." I'm holding a side plank and those last five seconds feel like ten minutes. It takes every ounce of my concentration and will to stay up. "On your backs for leg raises! Right away! Go!" I flip over and focus on my breathing as I watch my legs move up and down to the beat.
Then we're back up for more kicking and punching. Side kicks. First speed, then power. More speed, then power. Switch. I hold the bag for my partner, who's driving through me, but I can't let myself be knocked backward - I need to be a strong target for her. I let out my air with each strike and lean into it. My turn again, and I try to hit harder this time. She's solid, strong. I can go as hard as I want. I think through the bag and try to push her back with each kick.
Punches. Speed, then power. My knuckles are starting to feel raw, even with the gloves, so I mix it up. Jab cross. Jab jab cross. Hook uppercut. Knife hand ridge hand. Ridge hand knife hand. Palm strike palm strike. Switch. She's pummeling me but I stand strong and lean into the strikes.
Back on the floor for crunches and leg raises. Planks. More crunches.
Jumping front kicks, jumping roundhouse kicks. I hurl myself through the air, hitting the bag with everything I've got. I dig in while my partner does the same.
Finally, after an hour of this, we stretch. We're dripping wet, relieved it's over, happy, dancing, guzzling water and Gatorade, high-fiving each other, then dashing into the changing room to get into our gis for class.
Bowing in.
I'm in the second row, right behind the red and black belts. Class isn't much easier. The Sabumnim didn't take kickboxing tonight so she's not thinking about what we've just been through with the Master. She puts us through more of the same. Pushups, crunches. Do a form. Do a form with a pushup between each move. Tap drills. Run through all 20 fighting techniques including trips and falls. Run through all 20 fighting techniques from the opposite stance. My partner is 19 and he's amazing. One of my favorite people to work with. We show each other no mercy. Seven lap sprints. Crescent jumping inside crescent kicks from both stances. All 36 Tae Kwon Do actions. Jab cross hook uppercut roundhouse low high back leg. Back to forms. I haven't done this form in weeks - I struggle to remember the complicated string of moves. My mind races to keep up while my body is on autopilot. More pushups. Crunches. Pushups. Crunches. The hour's up.
Bowing out.
And now I'm home. The cat is purring on my lap, I'm enjoying a Belgian white beer, getting ready to put in the laundry, take a shower and put the kids to bed and feeling...
wonderful.
Strong, healthy, calm, relaxed, centered.
I wish it didn't take 2+ hours of torture to get to this, but if it does, I'll gladly take it. Any day. Every day.
Deep sigh.
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