Yesterday, for the first time in a year, a month and 10 days, I kissed Savageman goodbye and saw him off to work.
He seems happy with the new job. He'll be doing work that he enjoys for a good organization, making roughly the same salary he was earning before. With me working part time as well, and after a year of careful spending, I'm happy to report that we're none the worse for his year off. And what doesn't kill a marriage often makes it stronger, so hopefully we've reached a new level of understanding of ourselves as individuals and as a couple.
So, moving forward into a new phase of life. A rebirth, if you will, for our family.
I'm experiencing a Renaissance phase myself right now, which is both thrilling and gratifying. The decision to end my years of homeschooling has freed me up to examine my own academic life, my long-neglected career, and of course my martial arts training, all of which have taken a surge forward as I clear out the cobwebs and challenge myself to move into new, less comfortable territory.
In addition to taking more substitute teaching assignments, I've returned to AWOL Grad Student status, picking up the math and science where I left off, filling in the gaps in my knowledge. Of top priority is the Calculus I've been avoiding since my freshman year in college. Now that I've committed myself, I'm happy to say that I actually really enjoy the challenge of it, and the satisfaction of working on a problem, flipping to the back of the book, and noting that I got the right answer.
It makes me wonder what else I can do if I try...
Which brings me back to (big surprise) my karate training. As I begin the transition from color belt to black belt (I think the Master expects me to test in June), my focus needs to shift from the techniques themselves to exploring their application in various situations, being more curious and creative with them, and examining my own weaknesses and mistakes. The more I can move myself into this less comfortable territory, the more I will improve, and the better I will be able to help others improve when the time for that comes. For the last 3 1/2 years, I have been fairly tied to the memorization of the techniques themselves, much like learning the alphabet, or playing scales on an instrument. Going the next step and using what I've learned to do the equivalent of writing or playing music is an ambitious goal, but an exciting one as well.
And of course, the lessons learned, the discipline practiced, the hardship endured in the course of my training have bled into other aspects of my life, shaping who I am and showing me what I'm capable of doing.
As they should.
Waking up parts of my brain that have been dormant, forcing myself out of my comfort zone as much as possible, embracing change and challenge - it's all been extremely good for me.
Feeling awake and alive, and so, so grateful. :-)
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Better
Stuff's getting better.
After a week of back exercises and forcing myself to consistently stand up straight, then five (I kid you not) five hours Sunday of nothing but taekwondo actions and two of my most basic forms, I felt something beginning to click. I'm looking better.
Part of it was finding the balance between relaxation and tension. In recent weeks, with my enthusiasm to do everything with more power, I have been tense all over, the whole way through a form. The Master encouraged me to think about snapping a chain - muscles more relaxed up until the block or strike itself. This idea, combined with some observations and suggestions the guru has made while home on break, led me to drill the taekwondo actions with more dynamics - relaxed, firm, relaxed, firm - until it started to feel natural to do them this way. The basic forms are built of these individual actions - and doing them like this, along with maintaining strong, straight posture - made everything look and feel much better. I was happy with the progress, and with the feedback I got yesterday.
More importantly, the problems and frustrations I've been having are starting to feel less overwhelming. I've resigned myself to the fact that it will take years - decades, even - to begin to master the vast amount of material we've covered. But at least for now, I have a handle on what is required at this particular point, to get off this particular plateau. I have specific goals to work on that will make me better. Problems have been identified and I know what I need to do toward solving them. Putting in the hours to do it is sometimes the easy part.
My work / financial situation is also better. As much as I hated middle school as a student, I love it as a teacher. I taught 7th grade English last week, 6th grade English / Social Studies today, and tomorrow I have 7th grade Science. Definitely looking forward to that. Savageman thinks I'm very brave, but honestly, most of the time I'm grinning to myself, thrilled that I have the good fortune to actually be paid to do this. Today, I spent two periods watching a movie, and two more (plus lunch) in planning / free periods reading by myself. It was the most peace and quiet I can remember having in a long time. In the 4 other periods, the kids were generally good and did what was asked of them. It's a good age - they are old enough to be somewhat self-sufficient, but young enough to still (usually) respect authority. I hope we're doing something cool tomorrow in science.
Savageman seems to better enjoy his role as house-husband. Today, I came home to a clean house, laundry done, dishes done, doctor appointments made and/or rescheduled, and kids driven to physical therapy and religion class. Maybe tomorrow I can get him to cook and pay bills. That would be awesome.
Finally, the kids are doing better. Tonight, the Teen had two basketball games and Middle had an orchestra concert at school, and we managed to juggle all that with the help of the grandparents. I was tickled to hear Middle perform - he's new at the violin and still can't play very well, so he was given a tambourine and a wood block. He rocked on extra percussion and likely faked the pieces in which he had his violin. He hadn't been too sure about participating in this concert, but we were all very proud of him.
The Teen has a new girlfriend (they made it "facebook official" today) who is smart and sweet and fun and nothing like the other girls he's brought home. We had a nice family evening with her last night. He's determined to lose weight and he's actually studying (a little) for his midterms. It's progress, it's a glimmer of maturity, and I'll take it.
I'd like to say something about Little as well, but he's just his usual sweet self. Which is enough for me.
And I'm beat. The phone starts to ring with sub calls at 5:30 a.m. if I haven't taken an assignment before bed. 5:30 is okay if I go to bed at 10. But that never happens - 1 a.m. is more often the case. Savageman has LOTR on and is waiting to rub my feet, so I'm going to join him before I turn into a pumpkin. At least I already have a job tomorrow and won't be getting those early calls.
It's been a good couple of days.
:-)
After a week of back exercises and forcing myself to consistently stand up straight, then five (I kid you not) five hours Sunday of nothing but taekwondo actions and two of my most basic forms, I felt something beginning to click. I'm looking better.
Part of it was finding the balance between relaxation and tension. In recent weeks, with my enthusiasm to do everything with more power, I have been tense all over, the whole way through a form. The Master encouraged me to think about snapping a chain - muscles more relaxed up until the block or strike itself. This idea, combined with some observations and suggestions the guru has made while home on break, led me to drill the taekwondo actions with more dynamics - relaxed, firm, relaxed, firm - until it started to feel natural to do them this way. The basic forms are built of these individual actions - and doing them like this, along with maintaining strong, straight posture - made everything look and feel much better. I was happy with the progress, and with the feedback I got yesterday.
More importantly, the problems and frustrations I've been having are starting to feel less overwhelming. I've resigned myself to the fact that it will take years - decades, even - to begin to master the vast amount of material we've covered. But at least for now, I have a handle on what is required at this particular point, to get off this particular plateau. I have specific goals to work on that will make me better. Problems have been identified and I know what I need to do toward solving them. Putting in the hours to do it is sometimes the easy part.
My work / financial situation is also better. As much as I hated middle school as a student, I love it as a teacher. I taught 7th grade English last week, 6th grade English / Social Studies today, and tomorrow I have 7th grade Science. Definitely looking forward to that. Savageman thinks I'm very brave, but honestly, most of the time I'm grinning to myself, thrilled that I have the good fortune to actually be paid to do this. Today, I spent two periods watching a movie, and two more (plus lunch) in planning / free periods reading by myself. It was the most peace and quiet I can remember having in a long time. In the 4 other periods, the kids were generally good and did what was asked of them. It's a good age - they are old enough to be somewhat self-sufficient, but young enough to still (usually) respect authority. I hope we're doing something cool tomorrow in science.
Savageman seems to better enjoy his role as house-husband. Today, I came home to a clean house, laundry done, dishes done, doctor appointments made and/or rescheduled, and kids driven to physical therapy and religion class. Maybe tomorrow I can get him to cook and pay bills. That would be awesome.
Finally, the kids are doing better. Tonight, the Teen had two basketball games and Middle had an orchestra concert at school, and we managed to juggle all that with the help of the grandparents. I was tickled to hear Middle perform - he's new at the violin and still can't play very well, so he was given a tambourine and a wood block. He rocked on extra percussion and likely faked the pieces in which he had his violin. He hadn't been too sure about participating in this concert, but we were all very proud of him.
The Teen has a new girlfriend (they made it "facebook official" today) who is smart and sweet and fun and nothing like the other girls he's brought home. We had a nice family evening with her last night. He's determined to lose weight and he's actually studying (a little) for his midterms. It's progress, it's a glimmer of maturity, and I'll take it.
I'd like to say something about Little as well, but he's just his usual sweet self. Which is enough for me.
And I'm beat. The phone starts to ring with sub calls at 5:30 a.m. if I haven't taken an assignment before bed. 5:30 is okay if I go to bed at 10. But that never happens - 1 a.m. is more often the case. Savageman has LOTR on and is waiting to rub my feet, so I'm going to join him before I turn into a pumpkin. At least I already have a job tomorrow and won't be getting those early calls.
It's been a good couple of days.
:-)
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Day 364: Yes, It's Been a Whole Year
... and we're still alive, still married. Today, he shaved off his beard and had an interview that went pretty well. Tonight, he is soft and smooth and looks ten years younger.
It's been quite an adventure having Savageman home these many months. I will certainly miss him when he does start working again. I will miss our almost-daily excursions to the gym together, our lunches together, and our many long conversations about this or that while we putz around the house together. He's good company, and we've had a good time together.
On the other hand, I think he'll be happier once he's working again. And without him home, I will certainly be bored and lonely and will want to work more as well. I've been called for two substitute jobs in the last two work days that I couldn't take because of prior commitments. Once I clear my calendar, I could start working every day if I wanted to, for a neuropsych practice and three different school districts. Not to mention the Catholic schools, if they'll accept my recent certification.
With both of us working, we could actually have Money. Money to buy more than just the bare necessities. Money to save up for the boys' college, or a new vehicle to replace Savageman's aging truck. Neither of us has ever been particularly driven by the mere acquisition of dollars, but I have to admit, it's nice when we don't have to worry about whether we have enough of them either.
But mostly I just want Savageman to feel happy and fulfilled. He's a good person and he deserves it. Putzing around the house isn't all that fulfilling for someone of his brains and talent.
As for me, I was in the gym bright and early this morning, working mainly on posture and core. I look ever so much better when I stand up straight (and I am much taller as well). I took my posture awareness with me to kickboxing and class, where I kept it as my primary focus. My back is tired tonight, but in a healthy way.
The visceral reaction I had to VideoMe has attenuated a bit. The guru reminded me tonight that everyone feels that way when they see themselves on video, himself included. I'm realizing that the camera is a valuable tool with lessons to teach me, but I need not be so easily shaken by it. I will tape myself again after a few weeks of work on my core and posture, with the expectation that I will see a difference. And maybe a few weeks later, I'll do it again.
Improvement, whether in small increments, or in giant leaps forward, adds up to steady progress. Just a little bit of improvement each time I practice something, each time I push myself harder physically, each time I incorporate new knowledge into my techniques - I get a little bit better.
Just be better.
Maybe that's what he meant.
Or maybe it's not. Who knows?
Maybe it's for me to figure out.
Maybe I'm supposed to stop thinking so darn much and just do the thing.
Open and ready for all the good stuff that will be coming in the next 365 days.
It's been quite an adventure having Savageman home these many months. I will certainly miss him when he does start working again. I will miss our almost-daily excursions to the gym together, our lunches together, and our many long conversations about this or that while we putz around the house together. He's good company, and we've had a good time together.
On the other hand, I think he'll be happier once he's working again. And without him home, I will certainly be bored and lonely and will want to work more as well. I've been called for two substitute jobs in the last two work days that I couldn't take because of prior commitments. Once I clear my calendar, I could start working every day if I wanted to, for a neuropsych practice and three different school districts. Not to mention the Catholic schools, if they'll accept my recent certification.
With both of us working, we could actually have Money. Money to buy more than just the bare necessities. Money to save up for the boys' college, or a new vehicle to replace Savageman's aging truck. Neither of us has ever been particularly driven by the mere acquisition of dollars, but I have to admit, it's nice when we don't have to worry about whether we have enough of them either.
But mostly I just want Savageman to feel happy and fulfilled. He's a good person and he deserves it. Putzing around the house isn't all that fulfilling for someone of his brains and talent.
As for me, I was in the gym bright and early this morning, working mainly on posture and core. I look ever so much better when I stand up straight (and I am much taller as well). I took my posture awareness with me to kickboxing and class, where I kept it as my primary focus. My back is tired tonight, but in a healthy way.
The visceral reaction I had to VideoMe has attenuated a bit. The guru reminded me tonight that everyone feels that way when they see themselves on video, himself included. I'm realizing that the camera is a valuable tool with lessons to teach me, but I need not be so easily shaken by it. I will tape myself again after a few weeks of work on my core and posture, with the expectation that I will see a difference. And maybe a few weeks later, I'll do it again.
Improvement, whether in small increments, or in giant leaps forward, adds up to steady progress. Just a little bit of improvement each time I practice something, each time I push myself harder physically, each time I incorporate new knowledge into my techniques - I get a little bit better.
Just be better.
Maybe that's what he meant.
Or maybe it's not. Who knows?
Maybe it's for me to figure out.
Maybe I'm supposed to stop thinking so darn much and just do the thing.
Open and ready for all the good stuff that will be coming in the next 365 days.
Monday, January 07, 2013
Humbling
It's been an intensive training weekend, and not all of it was good.
Good, yes, in the sense that it was useful and important stuff I needed to know and practice.
But at the same time, it was seriously frustrating. Discouraging, even.
I rolled out of bed, threw on half my gi and stumbled into Saturday morning class with just enough time to finish dressing and spend a few minutes stretching. This class is an extra long one, with emphasis on strength and fundamentals, so I've been dragging myself out of my warm bed on Saturday mornings to do it. This week was no different, and since only black belts and red stripes showed up, it was especially challenging. We were reminded many times of what might show up on our black belt tests, and we had plenty of practice running through our forms while mentally and physically exhausted.
I received many encouraging words from the Sabumnims after class. This after lots of equally positive feedback the previous night at sparring, where I also felt I had done really well against challenging partners.
So far, so good.
Feeling pumped, I came back in the afternoon for open practice. The guru showed up and worked on forms with me, then sparring (with an emphasis on protecting my face whilst being pummelled about the head by him). We spent a good amount of time working one-on-one and wrapped up with somewhat of a pep talk regarding thinking outside the box, and my frustration about wanting to improve, but not always knowing the best way to do so. He would show me something, and I would try to copy it, but I couldn't objectively tell if I was doing it like he was or not. It occurred to me that I needed to see myself on video to really understand the differences and he agreed that it might really help.
"You know, this whole conversation could be summed up in three sentences. Actually, one," he told me as he packed up to go.
"Which is?"
"Just be better."
I laughed. "If it were that easy, I'd be doing it."
"Someday you'll understand what I mean. Just be better."
See why he's the guru?
I spent much of the evening trying to figure out what he was talking about, and today I took the video camera in with me and videotaped myself doing a form.
I was dismayed when I looked at it, and texted the guru:
I look much worse than I thought I did. I might cry. Or quit. :(
And he texted back:
Well, that would certainly be one way to handle it...
(Sigh.)
So I recorded the rest of my forms, and when he came in, I recorded him doing a bunch for comparison. My assignment: watch everything and figure out how to fix what needs fixing. It's clear from the video, just like he said back in November, it's not my knowledge of the forms, it's my execution of them. It's my body. I lack power and efficiency and speed and crispness. On the video, I look... wobbly, especially compared to him.
Warriors don't wobble.
Ugh.
After many hours and many viewings of the videos in question, I'm over my initial disgust with myself tonight and back to working the problem. I need a stronger back, a more solid core, and I need to pay more attention in general to how I hold myself and move about, both in and out of my martial arts practice.
More strength, more yoga (I started up again last week), more awareness, more fundamentals.
I'm taking comfort in the fact that it's fixable stuff, but remembering that this was what he had described a few months ago as the largest hurdle I will face since starting my training.
Tonight I saw why with my own eyes, and it was indeed humbling.
Good, yes, in the sense that it was useful and important stuff I needed to know and practice.
But at the same time, it was seriously frustrating. Discouraging, even.
I rolled out of bed, threw on half my gi and stumbled into Saturday morning class with just enough time to finish dressing and spend a few minutes stretching. This class is an extra long one, with emphasis on strength and fundamentals, so I've been dragging myself out of my warm bed on Saturday mornings to do it. This week was no different, and since only black belts and red stripes showed up, it was especially challenging. We were reminded many times of what might show up on our black belt tests, and we had plenty of practice running through our forms while mentally and physically exhausted.
I received many encouraging words from the Sabumnims after class. This after lots of equally positive feedback the previous night at sparring, where I also felt I had done really well against challenging partners.
So far, so good.
Feeling pumped, I came back in the afternoon for open practice. The guru showed up and worked on forms with me, then sparring (with an emphasis on protecting my face whilst being pummelled about the head by him). We spent a good amount of time working one-on-one and wrapped up with somewhat of a pep talk regarding thinking outside the box, and my frustration about wanting to improve, but not always knowing the best way to do so. He would show me something, and I would try to copy it, but I couldn't objectively tell if I was doing it like he was or not. It occurred to me that I needed to see myself on video to really understand the differences and he agreed that it might really help.
"You know, this whole conversation could be summed up in three sentences. Actually, one," he told me as he packed up to go.
"Which is?"
"Just be better."
I laughed. "If it were that easy, I'd be doing it."
"Someday you'll understand what I mean. Just be better."
See why he's the guru?
I spent much of the evening trying to figure out what he was talking about, and today I took the video camera in with me and videotaped myself doing a form.
I was dismayed when I looked at it, and texted the guru:
I look much worse than I thought I did. I might cry. Or quit. :(
And he texted back:
Well, that would certainly be one way to handle it...
(Sigh.)
So I recorded the rest of my forms, and when he came in, I recorded him doing a bunch for comparison. My assignment: watch everything and figure out how to fix what needs fixing. It's clear from the video, just like he said back in November, it's not my knowledge of the forms, it's my execution of them. It's my body. I lack power and efficiency and speed and crispness. On the video, I look... wobbly, especially compared to him.
Warriors don't wobble.
Ugh.
After many hours and many viewings of the videos in question, I'm over my initial disgust with myself tonight and back to working the problem. I need a stronger back, a more solid core, and I need to pay more attention in general to how I hold myself and move about, both in and out of my martial arts practice.
More strength, more yoga (I started up again last week), more awareness, more fundamentals.
I'm taking comfort in the fact that it's fixable stuff, but remembering that this was what he had described a few months ago as the largest hurdle I will face since starting my training.
Tonight I saw why with my own eyes, and it was indeed humbling.
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
Thank God it's 2013!
Good things are coming this year.
The extra pork was also good because I had two carnivorous Adopted Daughters to feed New Year's Eve, and the group of us made fast work of the thing before midnight, in addition to the shrimp and fruit and fruit and fruit and... chocolate and caramel dip for fruit.
We've reached the point in life where the kids really want to spend special occasions like this with their own friends - which is great for us, since we love their friends as much as they do. They are wacky and silly and smart and sweet and so so much fun to have around.
They complete our family in a way none of us ever expected, and we're so blessed to have them in our daily lives.
 |
| Apparently my head was also on the menu. |
So, so grateful for the family we've created, biological and otherwise - and for all the good fortune coming our way in 2013. Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Snow Day
It's halfway through Christmas break, and we're enjoying a beautiful snow day here. This is the perfect kind of day for a good Pandora station, a big pot of homemade Irish Potato soup (singlehandedly prepared by Little), and lounging around (or being photographed on the back porch) in karate pants.
Last night, I had a good night of sparring, followed by an equally good night of pizza and conversation with my karate mentors. I'm loving this phase of my training, when the academic part is beginning to mesh with the physical part in a more seamless way. My body is strong, my endurance continuing to improve noticeably each week. While the dojang has been operating on limited hours this week, I have spent more time at the gym, running and lifting. Thanks to an intensive daily effort at stretching and strengthening, my hip flexors are finally feeling like they should. I've been trying to squeeze some good yoga into my schedule, but haven't managed to be consistent with it. Planning to make another attempt at that soon.
In the meantime, I'm reading, reading, reading, and watching videos online to supplement what I'm reading. My new interest is in bunkai, the process of breaking down forms (kata, or poomsae in Korean) and analyzing their purpose and practical applications. Now that I have all of my color belt material committed to memory, I am beginning to work on moving beyond the "what" to the "why" of each action. I've also been practicing them with more power these last few weeks, surprised at how exhausted I am after completing each series of about 20-60 actions. I discussed this frustrating development with one of my mentors last night, and he pointed out that the stronger I become, the more power I will likely put into the form, leaving me feeling just as exhausted as I was before my endurance was as good. Not a bad thing, just a natural part of training at this level. Feeling exhausted at the end of a form means you're doing it right. It was reassuring to know that the younger and stronger men I train with have the same experience when they push hard.
Tonight, I plan to build a fire and read, or perhaps watch a movie with Savageman and the boyz. There's a lot that needs to be done around here, but tonight is for relaxing and enjoying the cozy house and the view of the pretty snow outside.
Grateful tonight for a warm home, good food, the time to study and practice, and for all who support and teach me.
And for the beautiful snow!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
This is It
It's December 20, 2012, and according to a lot of superstitious people, the world is supposed to end tomorrow.
I don't happen to be one of them. I already have weekend plans.
But that doesn't mean that the whole idea of the End being Near didn't capture my imagination a bit.
When I first heard about this prediction, about 3 years ago, it got me thinking, and asking myself, if I knew I only had a few years left, how would I spend them?
And then I went and did that.
Because, honestly, Mayans or not, none of us is immortal; none of us knows what life has in store for us. And the worst thing I could imagine was finding myself at the end of my life and having Regrets.
So even though deep down, I believe this Mayan prediction is nonsense, I have to give it some credit, since the idea of it has had enormous impact on my decision-making over these last years.
I have made bold decisions. Taken risks. Refused to be anything less than my authentic self. I've let down my guard and opened myself up in new and courageous ways, resulting in the experiences of both incredible friendships and also of painful loss. I've redefined my roles of wife and mother. Redefined my relationship with my body. Examined myself and made the changes I found myself needing. Fed myself with experiences for which I had been starving. Dedicated myself to a rigorous course of mental and physical discipline. Found ways to give back to my community. Learned things I had previously thought I was too late in life to learn.
I've been a sponge, absorbing all of the experiences and challenges and connections and pure bliss I could manage to soak up. "Sure, why not?" has been my mantra - and I've rarely regretted saying it.
Today was Thursday. I got up, went into work to get set up to sub in the truly challenging classrooms - the emotional and behavioral support classes, the autistic and intellectually handicapped classes, the multiple disability classes. After that, I took two exhilarating hours of karate, went out to lunch with Savageman and four of my favorite karate friends, spent some time with the kids, taught my childbirth class. The Teen's team took second place in a basketball tournament. Middle went to a concert at the High School and came home with friends. Little helped us make a snack and we hung out until bedtime. I'm writing now while Savageman cleans up and then we'll finish the movie we started last night. One of us may even get a massage.
If this were indeed to be my last day on Earth, I have no complaints or regrets. This was a good day, spent with people I love, feeling challenged and fulfilled, doing things I love to do.
String together 365 days like this a year and you find yourself living the life you're meant to live.
Grateful for it all. Every bit of it.
I don't happen to be one of them. I already have weekend plans.
But that doesn't mean that the whole idea of the End being Near didn't capture my imagination a bit.
When I first heard about this prediction, about 3 years ago, it got me thinking, and asking myself, if I knew I only had a few years left, how would I spend them?
And then I went and did that.
Because, honestly, Mayans or not, none of us is immortal; none of us knows what life has in store for us. And the worst thing I could imagine was finding myself at the end of my life and having Regrets.
So even though deep down, I believe this Mayan prediction is nonsense, I have to give it some credit, since the idea of it has had enormous impact on my decision-making over these last years.
I have made bold decisions. Taken risks. Refused to be anything less than my authentic self. I've let down my guard and opened myself up in new and courageous ways, resulting in the experiences of both incredible friendships and also of painful loss. I've redefined my roles of wife and mother. Redefined my relationship with my body. Examined myself and made the changes I found myself needing. Fed myself with experiences for which I had been starving. Dedicated myself to a rigorous course of mental and physical discipline. Found ways to give back to my community. Learned things I had previously thought I was too late in life to learn.
I've been a sponge, absorbing all of the experiences and challenges and connections and pure bliss I could manage to soak up. "Sure, why not?" has been my mantra - and I've rarely regretted saying it.
Today was Thursday. I got up, went into work to get set up to sub in the truly challenging classrooms - the emotional and behavioral support classes, the autistic and intellectually handicapped classes, the multiple disability classes. After that, I took two exhilarating hours of karate, went out to lunch with Savageman and four of my favorite karate friends, spent some time with the kids, taught my childbirth class. The Teen's team took second place in a basketball tournament. Middle went to a concert at the High School and came home with friends. Little helped us make a snack and we hung out until bedtime. I'm writing now while Savageman cleans up and then we'll finish the movie we started last night. One of us may even get a massage.
If this were indeed to be my last day on Earth, I have no complaints or regrets. This was a good day, spent with people I love, feeling challenged and fulfilled, doing things I love to do.
String together 365 days like this a year and you find yourself living the life you're meant to live.
Grateful for it all. Every bit of it.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Advent
We got our tree last night.
I know what you're thinking, if you've been reading this for a while. Christmas preparations in our house don't usually start until at least the 22nd. Until that point, we are happily in denial, keeping the TV off, listening to CDs instead of the radio, avoiding the malls and big box stores, keeping our focus on Getting Through Today.
This year, of course, things are different. All of the kids are in school. Savageman is not at work, and I am, as often as I can be. This week, I spent Wednesday playing School Librarian at a local middle school, and Friday doing a neuropsych evaluation.
I was actually wrapping up said neuropsych evaluation, double-checking my scoring and preparing to fill in my report, when I happened to check the news. Reading about the school shooting in CT completely knocked the wind out of me. Glad for my private office, I cried my way through the rest of my scoring and headed home to Savageman and the two older boys, who held me while I sobbed for the victims and their families and friends.
Little was due home about an hour later. We decided not to tell him about it right away. Information was still sketchy, and I wanted my own raw emotions to settle down a bit before discussing it. This is, after all, his first semester in an elementary school building, and he's not the kind of kid who will acknowledge if he is worried about something. Best not to freak him out needlessly.
Besides, I was just so happy to see him and cuddle him and sniff his sweet head that I didn't want to spoil the moment when he got home.
That night, I did wind up keeping him up for an extra two hours, reading Harry Potter together and snuggling and talking and savoring this time that suddenly seemed so precious. I pushed aside the twinge of guilt that occasionally bubbled up and asked me why I didn't spend this kind of time with him - with all of them - every night. I was doing it now, and I would be mindful to do it more often.
I also resolved not to wait until Christmas Eve to start thinking about Christmas this year. Little is especially interested in doing family stuff together, and he had been asking for a few days when we could start shopping and decorating and making cookies. Getting Through Today was going to have to begin to include some of these things.
So Advent began here yesterday. We got the wreath and the tree stand out of the attic, headed for Lowes to pick out an inexpensive tree, and stopped at the store to get ingredients for a treat. We put a Christmas station on Pandora, set up the tree, made our treat, played Scrabble, and snuggled up to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas together. Savageman and I celebrated the third day of our return to HappyMarriageLand and watched another movie together after the kids were in bed.
All is currently well here in our little corner of the universe. And while the school shooting in CT was, of course, mentioned in Mass this morning - thus prompting a discussion with Little afterward during soup and donut time - it turned out he had watched the news before we got up today and already knew all about it. He didn't seem particularly concerned about his own safety, pointing out that his school is about 10 feet from the police station and that they regularly have intruder drills and already know what to do. We talked a bit about the statistical improbability of something like that happening in his school, but the conversation was brief. As for the plight of the families in CT, this is one of those times that I am thankful that he's not the world's deepest thinker.
For those of us who do tend to think more deeply about these topics, we are trying to limit our musings to those things within our own sphere of influence.
For now, just loving each other and cherishing our time together and this happy season is enough.
I know what you're thinking, if you've been reading this for a while. Christmas preparations in our house don't usually start until at least the 22nd. Until that point, we are happily in denial, keeping the TV off, listening to CDs instead of the radio, avoiding the malls and big box stores, keeping our focus on Getting Through Today.
This year, of course, things are different. All of the kids are in school. Savageman is not at work, and I am, as often as I can be. This week, I spent Wednesday playing School Librarian at a local middle school, and Friday doing a neuropsych evaluation.
I was actually wrapping up said neuropsych evaluation, double-checking my scoring and preparing to fill in my report, when I happened to check the news. Reading about the school shooting in CT completely knocked the wind out of me. Glad for my private office, I cried my way through the rest of my scoring and headed home to Savageman and the two older boys, who held me while I sobbed for the victims and their families and friends.
Little was due home about an hour later. We decided not to tell him about it right away. Information was still sketchy, and I wanted my own raw emotions to settle down a bit before discussing it. This is, after all, his first semester in an elementary school building, and he's not the kind of kid who will acknowledge if he is worried about something. Best not to freak him out needlessly.
Besides, I was just so happy to see him and cuddle him and sniff his sweet head that I didn't want to spoil the moment when he got home.
That night, I did wind up keeping him up for an extra two hours, reading Harry Potter together and snuggling and talking and savoring this time that suddenly seemed so precious. I pushed aside the twinge of guilt that occasionally bubbled up and asked me why I didn't spend this kind of time with him - with all of them - every night. I was doing it now, and I would be mindful to do it more often.
I also resolved not to wait until Christmas Eve to start thinking about Christmas this year. Little is especially interested in doing family stuff together, and he had been asking for a few days when we could start shopping and decorating and making cookies. Getting Through Today was going to have to begin to include some of these things.
So Advent began here yesterday. We got the wreath and the tree stand out of the attic, headed for Lowes to pick out an inexpensive tree, and stopped at the store to get ingredients for a treat. We put a Christmas station on Pandora, set up the tree, made our treat, played Scrabble, and snuggled up to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas together. Savageman and I celebrated the third day of our return to HappyMarriageLand and watched another movie together after the kids were in bed.
All is currently well here in our little corner of the universe. And while the school shooting in CT was, of course, mentioned in Mass this morning - thus prompting a discussion with Little afterward during soup and donut time - it turned out he had watched the news before we got up today and already knew all about it. He didn't seem particularly concerned about his own safety, pointing out that his school is about 10 feet from the police station and that they regularly have intruder drills and already know what to do. We talked a bit about the statistical improbability of something like that happening in his school, but the conversation was brief. As for the plight of the families in CT, this is one of those times that I am thankful that he's not the world's deepest thinker.
For those of us who do tend to think more deeply about these topics, we are trying to limit our musings to those things within our own sphere of influence.
For now, just loving each other and cherishing our time together and this happy season is enough.
Monday, December 10, 2012
As Predicted...
I'm back to normal tonight.
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Got up, made meat sauce in the crock pot, got the kids off to school, went to the gym, stretched, ran a mile, worked out on the machines (upper body, because I have to do this gawdaful pole-vaulting move at the end of longstick 3 that just hasn't been happening for me), did forms and burpees in the Other Room.
Got the TB test I needed for one of the school districts.
Met up with an old friend from high school and had coffee with him and Savageman for a few hours.
Went to the dojang an hour early to train with Kickboxing Guy, then did my regular cardio hour, then class. In cardio, in addition to our usual kicking, punching, and core work, we got longsticks and worked extensively on the very move I'm struggling with. We also ran around the room, leaping and bounding over obstacles. Yes, is what I thought. This is what I needed.
In class, another red stripe and I each had the chance to lead the class for a short while. Despite years of watching others do this with ease, it's quite a different situation when you're in front of the class yourself, calling out the commands and counting in Korean. Despite the small mistakes we all make at first, it's a great confidence builder.
Tonight, my tummy is full of good spaghetti, a tasty Belgian White beer, and a peanut butter cup swiped from the secret stash. Savageman cleaned our room, everyone's homework is done, a chapter of Harry Potter has been read (Little reads a page, I read a page), and I am ready for a hot shower and a good book.
Happy me.
.jpg)
Got up, made meat sauce in the crock pot, got the kids off to school, went to the gym, stretched, ran a mile, worked out on the machines (upper body, because I have to do this gawdaful pole-vaulting move at the end of longstick 3 that just hasn't been happening for me), did forms and burpees in the Other Room. Got the TB test I needed for one of the school districts.
Met up with an old friend from high school and had coffee with him and Savageman for a few hours.
Went to the dojang an hour early to train with Kickboxing Guy, then did my regular cardio hour, then class. In cardio, in addition to our usual kicking, punching, and core work, we got longsticks and worked extensively on the very move I'm struggling with. We also ran around the room, leaping and bounding over obstacles. Yes, is what I thought. This is what I needed.
In class, another red stripe and I each had the chance to lead the class for a short while. Despite years of watching others do this with ease, it's quite a different situation when you're in front of the class yourself, calling out the commands and counting in Korean. Despite the small mistakes we all make at first, it's a great confidence builder.
Tonight, my tummy is full of good spaghetti, a tasty Belgian White beer, and a peanut butter cup swiped from the secret stash. Savageman cleaned our room, everyone's homework is done, a chapter of Harry Potter has been read (Little reads a page, I read a page), and I am ready for a hot shower and a good book.
Happy me.
Sunday, December 09, 2012
Sinking
Last night was the Christmas Banquet. Nice video presentation of the demo team here:
Despite the night of festivities, surrounded with good food and good friends, I woke this morning feeling exhausted, drained, shut-down.
Depressed.
Was it the rainy, cold weather? The fact that I missed several cardio classes last week and also sparring on Friday? I worked on Friday - my first day as a substitute - and went out to eat with relatives that night. It was the first weekday in recent memory I had no gym, no dojang, no exercise at all. Was it the fact that I had overeaten on both Thursday and Friday, leaving me feeling bloated and sluggish? Family stress and the cumulative effect 11 months of unemployment has had on our marriage? The transition into my new role as Working Mother?
A combination of all of these?
Whatever it was, watching myself sinking deeper and deeper into depression is not a good feeling. Like a fog settling down over me, it presses me down, sapping my energy and motivation. It's been ages since I've felt this way. Thankfully, it's a rare thing now. I hate it.
Thankfully also - it never lasts long. I have very little tolerance for Depressed Me. I force myself to move, kicking and screaming, anywhere but down. I know myself well enough to realize that getting some exercise, cleaning the house, throwing myself into a project, forcing myself into a social situation - always makes it better. Movement, even in the wrong direction, is better than doing nothing at all and letting the depression tighten its grip on me. It's a choice - to wallow, or to struggle free - and I'm too stubborn to go down without a fight.
So tonight, I dragged my sullen ass to the computer and am now blogging myself this pep talk. When I am done, I will go downstairs and kick the crap out of my kicking bag, do 50 burpees, work through my forms. Tomorrow, if I am not called in to work, I will go to the gym for more of the same, plus running, and tomorrow night I will go to cardio and class. Back to normal. Back to feeling fit and strong and healthy.
I can't stand myself like this. Really.
Pep talk over. Time to start moving.
Despite the night of festivities, surrounded with good food and good friends, I woke this morning feeling exhausted, drained, shut-down.
Depressed.
Was it the rainy, cold weather? The fact that I missed several cardio classes last week and also sparring on Friday? I worked on Friday - my first day as a substitute - and went out to eat with relatives that night. It was the first weekday in recent memory I had no gym, no dojang, no exercise at all. Was it the fact that I had overeaten on both Thursday and Friday, leaving me feeling bloated and sluggish? Family stress and the cumulative effect 11 months of unemployment has had on our marriage? The transition into my new role as Working Mother?
A combination of all of these?
Whatever it was, watching myself sinking deeper and deeper into depression is not a good feeling. Like a fog settling down over me, it presses me down, sapping my energy and motivation. It's been ages since I've felt this way. Thankfully, it's a rare thing now. I hate it.
Thankfully also - it never lasts long. I have very little tolerance for Depressed Me. I force myself to move, kicking and screaming, anywhere but down. I know myself well enough to realize that getting some exercise, cleaning the house, throwing myself into a project, forcing myself into a social situation - always makes it better. Movement, even in the wrong direction, is better than doing nothing at all and letting the depression tighten its grip on me. It's a choice - to wallow, or to struggle free - and I'm too stubborn to go down without a fight.
So tonight, I dragged my sullen ass to the computer and am now blogging myself this pep talk. When I am done, I will go downstairs and kick the crap out of my kicking bag, do 50 burpees, work through my forms. Tomorrow, if I am not called in to work, I will go to the gym for more of the same, plus running, and tomorrow night I will go to cardio and class. Back to normal. Back to feeling fit and strong and healthy.
I can't stand myself like this. Really.
Pep talk over. Time to start moving.
Saturday, December 01, 2012
Testing Day
... on which I did not test.
I'm not eligible to test again until at least June.
So I went, I watched the black belt test at 8, then dressed and sat in the back for the color belt test at 10. A few times, we were asked to get up and help, which was nice because sitting still for 4 hours is almost as torturous as testing.
In any case, the black belt test was small, only three people, two of whom were the guru and one of the Adopted Daughters testing for their Second Dan. They were, of course, fantastic. I definitely have a lot of work to do between now and June if I am to test then. Like healing and strengthening my hips and legs. They did so much kicking... and kicking... and kicking... I think my legs would simply fall off if I had to do that much kicking in a two hour period. Which would be embarrassing.
I also need to work on grappling. My favorite grappling partner is home from college this weekend, and we had a good match last night after sparring, but most of the time she made me feel like a squashed bug. We're the same size, but she is wicked strong and I'm clearly out of practice.
Watching the black belt test was certainly inspiring. My three friends, each with different stories, different strengths, different challenges, looked amazing. I have a lot to live up to.
Immediately afterward, we grabbed a quick lunch and headed to Harrisburg for a demo, in which the same Adopted Daughter, after her Second Dan test, and after assisting with the color belt test, performed with her usual energy and enthusiasm. Absolutely amazing.
Feeeling particularly inspired tonight to get back to work training and preparing. Maybe I'll head to the gym for a while. I think the young ninja crowd is due back here to watch a movie and celebrate tonight.
I'm not eligible to test again until at least June.
So I went, I watched the black belt test at 8, then dressed and sat in the back for the color belt test at 10. A few times, we were asked to get up and help, which was nice because sitting still for 4 hours is almost as torturous as testing.
In any case, the black belt test was small, only three people, two of whom were the guru and one of the Adopted Daughters testing for their Second Dan. They were, of course, fantastic. I definitely have a lot of work to do between now and June if I am to test then. Like healing and strengthening my hips and legs. They did so much kicking... and kicking... and kicking... I think my legs would simply fall off if I had to do that much kicking in a two hour period. Which would be embarrassing.
I also need to work on grappling. My favorite grappling partner is home from college this weekend, and we had a good match last night after sparring, but most of the time she made me feel like a squashed bug. We're the same size, but she is wicked strong and I'm clearly out of practice.
Watching the black belt test was certainly inspiring. My three friends, each with different stories, different strengths, different challenges, looked amazing. I have a lot to live up to.
Immediately afterward, we grabbed a quick lunch and headed to Harrisburg for a demo, in which the same Adopted Daughter, after her Second Dan test, and after assisting with the color belt test, performed with her usual energy and enthusiasm. Absolutely amazing.
Feeeling particularly inspired tonight to get back to work training and preparing. Maybe I'll head to the gym for a while. I think the young ninja crowd is due back here to watch a movie and celebrate tonight.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Six Months
Yesterday, The Master finished teaching me the material I will need to know for the rank of Black Belt. I now have six months to polish it (and everything else I've learned) - and to get myself into peak physical condition. The first test for which I will be eligible is at the beginning of June. If The Master does indeed invite me to test at that point, I want to be ready.
Having been taught all of the material is an important milestone for me. When there's material to learn, part of my mind is always in acquisition mode - keeping an eye out for The Master, prepared to stop what I'm doing and learn and memorize if he offers to teach me the next section of a form or the next hapkido move that I need. Now, my practice time will be spent running over (and over and over) what I already know. Breaking it down, fine tuning it, asking questions, fixing the tricky parts, getting the balance and timing right, transferring it to "muscle memory," putting it back together, understanding what it's about, giving it power and life, making it look and feel awesome. A process I have come to really enjoy.
Which is good, because beyond Black Belt, that is much of what I will be doing. New material is taught for the second Dan and beyond, but it's nothing like the color belt pattern of learning several new open hand forms, weapons forms, fighting and hapkido techniques, and testing every three to six months. Black Belt students have much less new material, and years, not months between tests to master it and learn to apply it. It's a different set of priorities.
Now that I have everything I need, working toward mastery of the last 3.3 years' worth of material is my new focus. And, of course, conditioning, which is ongoing, and important for keeping up my endurance and preventing injuries.
Which reminds - Savageman is waiting for me at the gym.
:-)
Having been taught all of the material is an important milestone for me. When there's material to learn, part of my mind is always in acquisition mode - keeping an eye out for The Master, prepared to stop what I'm doing and learn and memorize if he offers to teach me the next section of a form or the next hapkido move that I need. Now, my practice time will be spent running over (and over and over) what I already know. Breaking it down, fine tuning it, asking questions, fixing the tricky parts, getting the balance and timing right, transferring it to "muscle memory," putting it back together, understanding what it's about, giving it power and life, making it look and feel awesome. A process I have come to really enjoy.
Which is good, because beyond Black Belt, that is much of what I will be doing. New material is taught for the second Dan and beyond, but it's nothing like the color belt pattern of learning several new open hand forms, weapons forms, fighting and hapkido techniques, and testing every three to six months. Black Belt students have much less new material, and years, not months between tests to master it and learn to apply it. It's a different set of priorities.
Now that I have everything I need, working toward mastery of the last 3.3 years' worth of material is my new focus. And, of course, conditioning, which is ongoing, and important for keeping up my endurance and preventing injuries.
Which reminds - Savageman is waiting for me at the gym.
:-)
Monday, November 26, 2012
Something Clicked
So Bruce happened to show up on my Facebook feed yesterday morning, perhaps planting a seed of inspiration in the back of my mind. I spent the day feeling antsy and eager for afternoon open practice, determined to accomplish a time-consuming but necessary back-to-basics goal.
Accomplish it I did - about two hours worth of monotonous basic actions that left me soggy, breathless, and exhausted, but definitely feeling more powerful and confident than when I started.
When I returned to my normal practice of running through my open hand forms, something just... clicked. I was suddenly not performing a robotic series of actions. I was training for combat. A concept I had previously understood in my head, but not with my body.
It was a true aha! moment as I felt myself launched upward off of the plateau. It reminded me of one of those magic eye pictures that you stare at and stare at and then suddenly your eyes unfocus and you see this whole 3D world that wasn't there before.
I demonstrated my first basic form for the guru.
For the first time ever, I heard him say: "Good. Now do them all like that."
Very satisfying. And motivating.
I need to rehabilitate the hip.
Hip therapy started last night with a hot bath and a lengthy massage from Savageman, for which I was extremely grateful.
This morning, I got up, ran through an abbreviated Ashtanga Yoga series, and iced it. Tonight, I will stretch extra well before and after classes and hopefully get another massage.
No limits, only plateaus. I'm determined.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thankful
The loss of Savageman's job ten months ago, the tough decisions that followed, and the stress that came with all of these changes made this perhaps our most difficult year as a family.
When dealing with the crap that life sometimes dishes out, I occasionally revisit Randy Pausch's Last Lecture for some perspective. I listened to it again on the long car ride to the SADD conference last week.
The five teens in the FunMobile groaned a bit when I started it up. It was early in the morning and I think they were hoping for music, not Teachable Moments. They should know me better.
"Really, Kathymommy?" I heard from the back.
"I'm playing a chapter or two and if you hate it, I'll change it, okay?"
Reluctant grumbles.
But sure enough, when I checked in with them a few chapters later, they said, "Leave it on, it's good."
I'm glad they liked it - I think it's something everyone should hear, especially 14-16 year olds who still have so many decisions and challenges ahead of them. Dr. Pausch has much life wisdom to share in his book, but the way he handled his cancer diagnosis and impending death put life's disappointments and crappy moments in perspective like few other things could. And while they're young in years, these guys are mature enough to begin to understand:
"You cannot change the cards you are dealt, just how you play the hand."
How true is that?
His stories of going after his life dreams, of overcoming obstacles and challenges, and the fun and satisfaction he found on the other side were great to hear as well.
“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something."
Love that.
But probably my favorite quote from the Last Lecture was:
"You just have to decide whether you are Tigger or an Eeyore. You have to be clear where you stand on the Tigger/Eeyore debate."
I'm so glad that I first heard these words long before this particular year. It gives me a visual framework for when I am taking inventory of how I'm handling something. If I feel myself drifting toward Eeyoreville, I know I need to readjust and reconnect with my Inner Tigger. (This usually involves dojang time, but hey, whatever works.) I'm happy to report that it has been an extremely effective strategy for me. A few hours bouncing around in my happy place with the other Tiggers and I'm good to go. Attitude: readjusted.
Mock me if you will, but I'm All Tigger. Life is too short not to be.
And today is Thanksgiving.
So I'm thankful, in my best Tiggery way, for everything that makes me laugh, stimulates me, challenges me, and fills my world with joy.
Starting with, of course, Savageman and the boys. We may push each other's buttons, we may need our space and our time apart sometimes, but we still know how to have a great time together.
My parents are the absolute best. Our Sunday dinners together provide consistency and tradition in what can otherwise be an often chaotic family life. (And also, leftovers.) They are always happy to take a kid or two out of the mix for the time-apart thing I just mentioned, and they lessen the burden on us in so many ways. The seven of us have made so many happy memories together - we're so blessed to have such wonderful, supportive parents living so close by.
My karate family - we laugh together, learn together, sweat together, struggle together, celebrate together. We lift each other up. And throw each other down on the mat. :) So many happy times spent with them, both in and out of the dojang, my second home.
My primary home, especially our new downstairs, thankfully completed before we knew what was coming financially. It cleans up nice, this place, and I'm glad we are using the space effectively and entertaining more. Our room has been cleaned up as well, as has the basement. Looking forward to making everything pretty for the holidays.
My work - neuropsych evaluations and childbirth classes have become much more important to me this year for the obvious reasons, and I just received word that my emergency teaching certification has been approved by the Department of Education, so I can begin substitute teaching. I'm All Tigger about work as well, and plan to make my days enjoying someone else's students and lesson plans as fun and exciting as possible.
The pets, especially My Cat. That Dog is sweet, but he belongs to Savageman and the boys at heart. My Cat is mine and I love her. It's a relationship built on mutual respect, adequate personal space, and blissful squeak-purr cuddle time. And pipe cleaner toys. And fresh water. Sometimes with ice cubes for her to bat at with her adorable little paws.
Our kayaks, also thankfully purchased before (right before) Savageman lost his job. The sense of: well, we paid for them, we might as well get a lot of use out of them - was probably a blessing in disguise. I have taken so many pleasurable trips down our lovely creek with Savageman, the boys, my Mom, and several of my friends. Even going out on the creek alone fills my soul like nothing else can. I may even go out today for a while.
Our Y membership. Savageman is there every day, exercising and networking. It's his happy place, and I like to join him there when I can to run and lift and practice forms.
This brings me to my body, which amazes me every day by doing things I never thought it could; things I probably shouldn't ask it to do. But I'm thrilled with it. Just thrilled. Spending a few hours a day punching, kicking, throwing, falling, wielding weapons and doing pushups and crunches and burpees and forms, forms, and more forms... seeing myself improving, becoming stronger, more flexible, more precise... I'm loving myself more than I thought I could. I once said that karate made me feel like I'd been bitten by a radioactive spider, and it still feels that way 3+ years later. Nothing compares. Nothing.
Finally, my blog. I don't have much time for it these days, but I love having a place to record these thoughts and share them with my closer friends and family. It's nice, when I have the time, to go back and look over what we were doing at different points, complete with pictures and video.
Grateful for today, for all of these things, and for the opportunity to share Dr. Pausch's book with my young friends last week.
Off to make an apple pie. Dinner in four hours.
:-)
Monday, November 19, 2012
Teaching
I spent today getting my feet wet in public Middle School, where I spent the morning with 8th graders and the afternoon with 6th and 7th graders. I saw Social Studies, English, Algebra, Science and Health taught by people who seemed pretty darn good at their jobs. I was impressed with them, as was I impressed with the technology I saw in just about every classroom. Smart Boards, Netbooks, YouTube videos seamlessly incorporated into the lessons... it was very cool stuff.
My own education was decidedly low-tech. Which had its own advantages. Other than the cyberschool curriculum being online, my approach with the boys was low-tech as well. I preferred they play with blocks, not pixels, and I sent them outside every chance I got. So this is a very different model of education for me.
Being in the school building all day today gave me an appreciation for the boys' lives right now as well. I don't know about them, but I felt like it was a long day. Being cooped up in a building for that many hours - even with switching classes every so often - is a bit draining for me. But I expect I'll get used to it, just like the boys did.
Besides, they're paying me. With real dollars. Which I need to buy groceries and pay the mortgage and the electric bill and stuff.
Sigh...
Honestly, there are worse ways to make money. And I've always enjoyed the teaching opportunities I've had in the past.
Grateful for my education and training and having a way to support my family.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Have I Mentioned My Hubby?
Okay, I guess I did, just recently, but I want to do it again.
How very awesome is this guy I married?
He cooks, he cleans, he folds laundry, he helps with homework, he drives the boys to school when they want more time in the morning, he listens to my daily life musings, he's always willing to stop what he's doing and run to the store for something. He rubs my sore karate muscles (and frequently compliments me on said muscles), he kicks my butt to the gym three days a week and makes sure I get all the dojang and travel time that I need, supporting me even when it's more work for him. He makes me feel loved and appreciated and beautiful and special.
Okay, he doesn't really cook.
But he makes the kitchen spotless again after the boys or I cook.
He patiently accomodates my crazy schedule, my part-time work assignments, my writing projects, my need to fill the house with the same three Pandora stations 24/7, and my wacky Caveman Diet. He isn't embarassed to be seen with me at the gym in my Footgloves. He helps me stretch and keeps me company in the Other Room while I practice my forms, and stands and talks to me while I work on the weight machines or run on the treadmill. He cheerfully tolerates my need to occasionally assault him with spontaneous karate moves, and will even spar with me if I want to play. He kayaks with me, or does the driving when I want to kayak with a friend. He's a good sport about almost everything.
And, of course, he makes me laugh. He's probably one of the funniest people I know, which is, honestly, the reason I married him. (And the reason he married me is probably that I'm one of the few people who understands and appreciates his sense of humor.) Even when he is feeling his most dismal, he can poke fun at himself or at the situation and put it all in perspective.
Perspective is key with him. He understands the value in seeing the Big Picture. In not wanting to be part of the problem. In thinking about how we're going to look back on this or that decades from now. In stepping back and asking, "What does God want from me right now? What am I meant to be doing at this point in my life? What is my purpose?"
Although he is an introvert at heart, he has embraced the gang of middle and high school karate teens who call our house their second home. When I checked in with him regarding their frequent invasions of our space and kitchen, he reminded me that one of the best things we're doing as parents is being involved and making the effort to really know the kids' friends (and their parents) and making them feel welcome and valued in our lives. He gets the importance of this, and doesn't mind that our family has roughly doubled during a time of real financial hardship.
Ever generous, he puts people before things every time.
It's been a difficult year for him, but he's handled the challenges and frustrations gracefully and with his core values intact.
And he's always ready with a secret stash of chocolate, an episode of zombies, or a massage when I need it.
Grateful to be married to my best friend.
How very awesome is this guy I married?
He cooks, he cleans, he folds laundry, he helps with homework, he drives the boys to school when they want more time in the morning, he listens to my daily life musings, he's always willing to stop what he's doing and run to the store for something. He rubs my sore karate muscles (and frequently compliments me on said muscles), he kicks my butt to the gym three days a week and makes sure I get all the dojang and travel time that I need, supporting me even when it's more work for him. He makes me feel loved and appreciated and beautiful and special.
Okay, he doesn't really cook.
But he makes the kitchen spotless again after the boys or I cook.
He patiently accomodates my crazy schedule, my part-time work assignments, my writing projects, my need to fill the house with the same three Pandora stations 24/7, and my wacky Caveman Diet. He isn't embarassed to be seen with me at the gym in my Footgloves. He helps me stretch and keeps me company in the Other Room while I practice my forms, and stands and talks to me while I work on the weight machines or run on the treadmill. He cheerfully tolerates my need to occasionally assault him with spontaneous karate moves, and will even spar with me if I want to play. He kayaks with me, or does the driving when I want to kayak with a friend. He's a good sport about almost everything.
And, of course, he makes me laugh. He's probably one of the funniest people I know, which is, honestly, the reason I married him. (And the reason he married me is probably that I'm one of the few people who understands and appreciates his sense of humor.) Even when he is feeling his most dismal, he can poke fun at himself or at the situation and put it all in perspective.
Perspective is key with him. He understands the value in seeing the Big Picture. In not wanting to be part of the problem. In thinking about how we're going to look back on this or that decades from now. In stepping back and asking, "What does God want from me right now? What am I meant to be doing at this point in my life? What is my purpose?"
Although he is an introvert at heart, he has embraced the gang of middle and high school karate teens who call our house their second home. When I checked in with him regarding their frequent invasions of our space and kitchen, he reminded me that one of the best things we're doing as parents is being involved and making the effort to really know the kids' friends (and their parents) and making them feel welcome and valued in our lives. He gets the importance of this, and doesn't mind that our family has roughly doubled during a time of real financial hardship.
Ever generous, he puts people before things every time.
It's been a difficult year for him, but he's handled the challenges and frustrations gracefully and with his core values intact.
And he's always ready with a secret stash of chocolate, an episode of zombies, or a massage when I need it.
Grateful to be married to my best friend.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Battle In Hershey
Hmm... guess I kind of dropped the ball on NaBloPoMo.Oh well. I've been busy.
Saturday, I was busy watching a competition in Hershey.
Middle, a day shy of his 14th birthday, took second in both weapons and fighting. Quite an accomplishment, considering that this his his first season competing as a black belt.
He is now in the same division as one of his very best friends, a daughter of The Master, who very often goes home with a Grand Championship trophy as well as several regular ones.
Hershey was no exception. She and her sister were both named Grand Champions this weekend. Phenomenal kids. And tough competition.<======
Add to this that Middle is juggling his karate time committment with his first year of public school, where he just made the Honor Roll.
I couldn't be more pleased with him.
My Adopted Daughters also did well. One took a first and a second and was in the running for Grand Champion this time, and the other took a first and two seconds. They also made the Honor Roll. :-)
We were also pleased to discover this weekend that our October trip to Baltimore had made the local paper:
It keeps us busy, but being on the Competition and Demonstration Teams has been a great experience. Traveling to and from events with the kids in my van - a.k.a. The FunMobile - has been a wonderful bonding opportunity for all of us. These kids are my friends as well as his, and they push and teach me just as much as I (hopefully) am a positive influence in their lives.
Grateful today for these teams, and for our karate family in general.
Tuesday, November 06, 2012
A Shout-Out to The Hubster
Today was Tuesday.
If you've been reading this, you might remember that Tuesday is my intensive training day.
Two hours of class and practice in the morning, followed by lunch with The Master and company, then five hours in the afternoon / evening with Middle for classes, conditioning / kickboxing, and individual practice.
I've considered cutting back a bit, especially on Tuesdays, but I honestly don't know which class I would give up.
Tuesday / Thursday morning classes are usually small and intimate. Morning class means starting the day with a great workout, plenty of one-on-one with The Master to learn new material, and going out to lunch afterward, which is a nice bonus.
I drive Middle and the Adopted Daughters to the Tuesday / Thursday 4:00 class. At 5:00, we take conditioning / kickboxing. Very important for me, especially right now. This is where I drill my kicking and punching techniques, and also where I build up my cardiovascular endurance and muscle mass. I take four of these per week, and while I find them exceptionally demanding physically, I also realize that they are the four most important hours of my week with regard to my health and fitness.
I stretched and went over things at 6:00, then at the 7:00 class, we worked on sweeps. An important skill to do correctly. We broke it down and practiced on each other in small groups. And of course, when class was over, we spent time working on material while we waited for Competition Team practice to end.
I honestly couldn't have given up a single one of these hours without regrets tonight.
Meanwhile, at home, Savageman cleaned the kitchen, folded and put away the laundry, drove the Teen to volunteer for election day stuff, made sure Little ate and did his homework, and picked up our room. Later, he will likely massage my weary, aching body and put me to bed.
In the morning, he will take me to the gym, oversee my new lifting routine, and keep me company, doing his own routine while I run and practice forms nearby.
In the afternoon, I will go to do a neuropsych evaluation and he will once again be the one holding down the fort at home - a role he has accepted gracefully during this season of our lives and our marriage.
Grateful tonight for a husband who jumps in to do whatever the situation demands, who understands and supports my goals, and who has awesome hands. :-)
If you've been reading this, you might remember that Tuesday is my intensive training day.
Two hours of class and practice in the morning, followed by lunch with The Master and company, then five hours in the afternoon / evening with Middle for classes, conditioning / kickboxing, and individual practice.
I've considered cutting back a bit, especially on Tuesdays, but I honestly don't know which class I would give up.
Tuesday / Thursday morning classes are usually small and intimate. Morning class means starting the day with a great workout, plenty of one-on-one with The Master to learn new material, and going out to lunch afterward, which is a nice bonus.
I drive Middle and the Adopted Daughters to the Tuesday / Thursday 4:00 class. At 5:00, we take conditioning / kickboxing. Very important for me, especially right now. This is where I drill my kicking and punching techniques, and also where I build up my cardiovascular endurance and muscle mass. I take four of these per week, and while I find them exceptionally demanding physically, I also realize that they are the four most important hours of my week with regard to my health and fitness.I stretched and went over things at 6:00, then at the 7:00 class, we worked on sweeps. An important skill to do correctly. We broke it down and practiced on each other in small groups. And of course, when class was over, we spent time working on material while we waited for Competition Team practice to end.
I honestly couldn't have given up a single one of these hours without regrets tonight.
Meanwhile, at home, Savageman cleaned the kitchen, folded and put away the laundry, drove the Teen to volunteer for election day stuff, made sure Little ate and did his homework, and picked up our room. Later, he will likely massage my weary, aching body and put me to bed.
In the morning, he will take me to the gym, oversee my new lifting routine, and keep me company, doing his own routine while I run and practice forms nearby.
In the afternoon, I will go to do a neuropsych evaluation and he will once again be the one holding down the fort at home - a role he has accepted gracefully during this season of our lives and our marriage.
Grateful tonight for a husband who jumps in to do whatever the situation demands, who understands and supports my goals, and who has awesome hands. :-)
Monday, November 05, 2012
New Routine
So I got up today, stretched a whole big bunch, ran a mile and did forms at the Y, stretched a whole lot more, and lifted weights.
Went home, took a hot bath, had some Awesome Husband massage and did my usual Home Stuff. Wearing ankle weights.
Went to class this evening, stretched a whole lot more. Teen Ninja Girl checked to see if I could touch my head to my knees with my legs straight. She's taking her role as my stretching coach very seriously. We took a brutal kickboxing class which included no less than 60 burpees on top of the usual kicking, punching, and crunches. I focused on power. Left the room drenched and exhausted at the end.
Then changed for class.
The Sabumnim who taught class haden't taken kickboxing tonight, so she had no idea of what we had just been through. She started class with 20 pushups - executed on my fists - and it got a lot harder from there. Running, kicking, falling, taekwondo actions in backward and forward order, forms and more forms... class doesn't get much harder than this one.
We ended class by pairing up and working on hapkido and fighting techniques. I was paired with a new 13 year old white belt and was instructed to fix anything he was doing wrong.
Being put in the position of teacher is a new thing for me - generally, color belts are not permitted to instruct, unless they are specifically told to do so. The fact that the Sabumnim did that tonight was clearly an attempt to build my confidence. I worked with him carefully, hoping I was remembering these basic techniques and explaining them correctly.
So even the easiest part of the class was mentally challenging.
Between the two sessions, I felt like I had been through a belt test. Exhausted and drained, but at the same time, weirdly euphoric.
After class, while waiting for Middle's demo practice to wrap up, I got some quality instruction from another of the Sabumnims and worked for about an hour tweaking my material.
After grocery shopping and seeing the boys off to bed, I managed an episode of zombies with Savageman and now I'm headed for another bath, hopefully another massage, and bed.
Focusing on strength and flexibility has added a new sense of challenge to my routine. I'm definitely going to be sore tomorrow, both from the lifting and from the extra tough evening classes, but I regret none of it.
Grateful tonight for this body and its ability to take whatever I put it through.
Went home, took a hot bath, had some Awesome Husband massage and did my usual Home Stuff. Wearing ankle weights.
Went to class this evening, stretched a whole lot more. Teen Ninja Girl checked to see if I could touch my head to my knees with my legs straight. She's taking her role as my stretching coach very seriously. We took a brutal kickboxing class which included no less than 60 burpees on top of the usual kicking, punching, and crunches. I focused on power. Left the room drenched and exhausted at the end.
Then changed for class.
The Sabumnim who taught class haden't taken kickboxing tonight, so she had no idea of what we had just been through. She started class with 20 pushups - executed on my fists - and it got a lot harder from there. Running, kicking, falling, taekwondo actions in backward and forward order, forms and more forms... class doesn't get much harder than this one.
We ended class by pairing up and working on hapkido and fighting techniques. I was paired with a new 13 year old white belt and was instructed to fix anything he was doing wrong.
Being put in the position of teacher is a new thing for me - generally, color belts are not permitted to instruct, unless they are specifically told to do so. The fact that the Sabumnim did that tonight was clearly an attempt to build my confidence. I worked with him carefully, hoping I was remembering these basic techniques and explaining them correctly.
So even the easiest part of the class was mentally challenging.
Between the two sessions, I felt like I had been through a belt test. Exhausted and drained, but at the same time, weirdly euphoric.
After class, while waiting for Middle's demo practice to wrap up, I got some quality instruction from another of the Sabumnims and worked for about an hour tweaking my material.
After grocery shopping and seeing the boys off to bed, I managed an episode of zombies with Savageman and now I'm headed for another bath, hopefully another massage, and bed.
Focusing on strength and flexibility has added a new sense of challenge to my routine. I'm definitely going to be sore tomorrow, both from the lifting and from the extra tough evening classes, but I regret none of it.
Grateful tonight for this body and its ability to take whatever I put it through.
Sunday, November 04, 2012
Open Practice
Spent 4 hours in the dojang today working alone and with the guru and Teen Ninja Girl.
Best. Coaches. Ever.
Nothing gets by them. If a chamber is wrong, a stance is off, a technique delivered with less-than-adequate power - they see it.
And I do it again. My afternoon sounded something like this:
"Stop! Go back."
"Again. Like this."
"Go back."
"Again."
"Better. Once more."
"Now add this."
It's exhausting. It's frustrating. Extremely frustrating.
But at the end of it, I'm better.
Much better.
In a follow-up conversation tonight, the guru made the observation that the plateau I'm on has less to do with knowing my material and more to do with executing the techniques with strength, flexibility, and efficiency.
He went as far as to say that this hurdle is the largest one I've faced since starting my training, and I suspect he's right.
Now it's about the limitations of my body, which is 43; for the vast majority of those years it was inflexible and rejecting athleticism in any form.
His prescription for me?
Back to basics.
Working on the bags for power, increasing flexibility and range of motion.
Yoga.
The truth is sometimes hard to hear, but I'll do it, because he is right.
Hoping to show some improvement in these areas when he returns in two weeks.
Grateful for all of my teachers and coaches who have gotten me to where I am today.
Namaste...
Best. Coaches. Ever.
Nothing gets by them. If a chamber is wrong, a stance is off, a technique delivered with less-than-adequate power - they see it.
And I do it again. My afternoon sounded something like this:
"Stop! Go back."
"Again. Like this."
"Go back."
"Again."
"Better. Once more."
"Now add this."
It's exhausting. It's frustrating. Extremely frustrating.
But at the end of it, I'm better.
Much better.
In a follow-up conversation tonight, the guru made the observation that the plateau I'm on has less to do with knowing my material and more to do with executing the techniques with strength, flexibility, and efficiency.
He went as far as to say that this hurdle is the largest one I've faced since starting my training, and I suspect he's right.
Now it's about the limitations of my body, which is 43; for the vast majority of those years it was inflexible and rejecting athleticism in any form.
His prescription for me?
Back to basics.
Working on the bags for power, increasing flexibility and range of motion.
Yoga.
The truth is sometimes hard to hear, but I'll do it, because he is right.
Hoping to show some improvement in these areas when he returns in two weeks.
Grateful for all of my teachers and coaches who have gotten me to where I am today.
Namaste...
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