... and we're still alive, still married. Today, he shaved off his beard and had an interview that went pretty well. Tonight, he is soft and smooth and looks ten years younger.
It's been quite an adventure having Savageman home these many months. I will certainly miss him when he does start working again. I will miss our almost-daily excursions to the gym together, our lunches together, and our many long conversations about this or that while we putz around the house together. He's good company, and we've had a good time together.
On the other hand, I think he'll be happier once he's working again. And without him home, I will certainly be bored and lonely and will want to work more as well. I've been called for two substitute jobs in the last two work days that I couldn't take because of prior commitments. Once I clear my calendar, I could start working every day if I wanted to, for a neuropsych practice and three different school districts. Not to mention the Catholic schools, if they'll accept my recent certification.
With both of us working, we could actually have Money. Money to buy more than just the bare necessities. Money to save up for the boys' college, or a new vehicle to replace Savageman's aging truck. Neither of us has ever been particularly driven by the mere acquisition of dollars, but I have to admit, it's nice when we don't have to worry about whether we have enough of them either.
But mostly I just want Savageman to feel happy and fulfilled. He's a good person and he deserves it. Putzing around the house isn't all that fulfilling for someone of his brains and talent.
As for me, I was in the gym bright and early this morning, working mainly on posture and core. I look ever so much better when I stand up straight (and I am much taller as well). I took my posture awareness with me to kickboxing and class, where I kept it as my primary focus. My back is tired tonight, but in a healthy way.
The visceral reaction I had to VideoMe has attenuated a bit. The guru reminded me tonight that everyone feels that way when they see themselves on video, himself included. I'm realizing that the camera is a valuable tool with lessons to teach me, but I need not be so easily shaken by it. I will tape myself again after a few weeks of work on my core and posture, with the expectation that I will see a difference. And maybe a few weeks later, I'll do it again.
Improvement, whether in small increments, or in giant leaps forward, adds up to steady progress. Just a little bit of improvement each time I practice something, each time I push myself harder physically, each time I incorporate new knowledge into my techniques - I get a little bit better.
Just be better.
Maybe that's what he meant.
Or maybe it's not. Who knows?
Maybe it's for me to figure out.
Maybe I'm supposed to stop thinking so darn much and just do the thing.
Open and ready for all the good stuff that will be coming in the next 365 days.