Saturday, May 25, 2013

I Need to Write a Paper

... and I'm procrastinating.  I started this thing a month ago, then set it aside, and now it's due and I've hardly written anything.

My black belt test is scheduled for two weeks from this morning.  It was my intention to have my application, testing fee - and paper - turned in by today, but alas, still no paper.

The Master said it was okay to turn it in whenever it's ready, but I am determined that this will be Monday at the latest.  I just need to buckle down and do it.

Part of the obstacle is that I want to prepare something that will do justice to the last 4 years of my life, and the way that my martial arts study and practice has transformed me in mind, body and spirit.

Words fail.


I have no idea of where to even begin.  I've thought of going back over the years of blog posts on the subject, where I have only scratched the surface of the joys and struggles and discoveries associated with this endeavor.  If nothing else, that would give me a few more hours to avoid actually writing.

Not surprisingly, I've avoided even blogging about it since the test has begun to feel like a reality.

Despite all the soul-searching that was involved.  A week ago, after weeks of back-and-forth, weeks of limit-testing with both myself and with those close to me, I had firmly decided that I was not ready to wear black and was going to delay this step until I felt truly worthy of the rank.

A few pep-talks from trusted friends and teachers (and a threat of divorce from Savageman) succeeded in  convincing me I was indeed ready.  The decision finally made, the necessary reassurances given, I felt a load had been lifted. I approached my training with renewed determination this week.

And a renewed urgency to write the paper, which I have successfully avoided for yet another night.


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