Dear God, I hate the "Spring Forward" time change.
Everything is an hour earlier than it's supposed to be.
I have to get up an hour earlier (and it's going to be dark again...), I have to go to bed an hour earlier, I have to eat an hour earlier to have my food digested in time for my workout, which is also an hour earlier than it feels like it should be.
Some people adapt easily to this, but in recent years, I have not been one of them.
Every time I've looked at the clock today, I've thought, "What do you mean, it's time for______!? I thought I had another hour!" This included my dash out the door to make it to class.
I did very much enjoy Judo class today, and BJJ open mat after. It was hard motivating myself to go, knowing I would be forced to work with a partner the whole time. When the introversion kicks in, I still want to work out, but I'd rather do TKD actions or forms or kick and punch the bag alone than have someone right up in my space, throwing or being thrown, or rolling around together, sweating and smooshing each other. Too much closeness.
At least polite conversation isn't a requirement while we roll.
Knowing I wouldn't make it in much this week, I forced myself to go, and was glad I did once I got there. Having Little with me helped. He actually took kids' judo and then adult open mat, where he submitted me 5 times with the same darn move. Hopefully it won't happen again - I sought out experts to learn the preferred escape.
I also had a good conversation today with the guru. We discussed the merits of live training in determining if techniques are flawed or not, and the utility of training in a traditional style that may or may not have much practical significance for sport or self-defense. My conclusion was that if I had trained as hard to prepare for anything - a marathon, a Tough Mudder, etc. - as I did when I trained in JSD with him for those 2 1/2 years or so, it would have been just as good for me. I don't have to pretend it taught me things that it didn't. While there are plenty of things in our curriculum I would never use in a fight, I still learned to set goals and work hard and push myself beyond my perceived limits. That alone was a transformational experience, and can be for others, whether the curriculum is entirely battle-proven or not. Remembering that helps. The time wasn't wasted, and it benefited me in so many ways, even if I'm still not the best fighter. I have other ways to learn to fight if that's what I want.
If I am going to continue there, and pursue my 2nd dan and the title of "teacher" - I'm going to need to be honest about my reasons, and decide what it is I will have to offer the school and the students there. The first thing to address is going to have to be my own motivation; my own example. If that's not there, nothing else is really relevant.
Ugh. It's an hour past my bedtime and I'm not tired....