The Plan

The Plan for next year is to homeschool Middle again.

I think.

Trying to pin him down to a position on the matter has not been easy. And I, being the Enlightened Parent that I am, care about his position. There's nothing worse than trying to homeschool someone who'd rather be somewhere else. Homeschooling is a privilege, and a service I am happy to provide for willing children. But it's not a prison sentence, and it's not the only quality show in town. Schools, both public and parochial, have plenty to offer as well.

So, by this age, I tend to leave a large part of the decision making to the child in question. It's a big responsibility, and a big decision, as he keeps reminding me. I can give him information; I can even give him my own opinion and preference. But ultimately, I want it to be his choice.

It's been hard for him to decide because with both choices there is much to gain and much to lose. But that's part of life, as I mentioned recently. Homeschooling will enable him to sleep later, put in shorter more focused academic hours doing subjects he has helped choose, give him the freedom he enjoys to structure his days the way he wants, and allow him to spend more time at martial arts and with his other homeschooling friends. On the other hand, going to school would enable him to spend more time with his school friends and eat in the cafeteria. I can think of a bunch of other good reasons why he might want to go to school, but those were his only two when I asked just now.

Which is probably why we're homeschooling again next year.

Our evaluation went really well today. I think we both came away feeling like he had done some really good work this year, even with the freespirited approach I took with him after leaving the cyberschool. We went to lunch together afterward and talked about The Decision and pieced together a list of things he'd like to study next year if he's home.

It looks something like this:

Math - Geometry. He's almost finished with Algebra I, and the Teen will be in Sophmore Geometry next year, so they can help each other. Plus, Geometry is fun.

Science - Psychology. Whatever he wants, I've got it or I know where to find it. I've had two years of undergraduate work and 5 years of graduate work studying and teaching the subject, and there are so many different subfields to explore - neuroanatomy, biopsychology, social psychology, sensation / perception, abnormal psychology, developmental psychology, learning theory... We can overlap with experimental design and statistical analysis, research paper writing, even history and literature. Very exciting.

History - I'm insisting he needs more American History; he insists that it must be post-Civil War. Deal. (That part's more interesting for me too.)

English - Reading is never a problem for him. He cranks through a novel or two a week when he's trying to avoid his other work. But we both know he needs more writing in his life, so we agreed on a completed writing project every two weeks. I also want him to learn more about using software like Powerpoint and Publisher, so I'm going to insist on more of these types of projects as well. We have a good grammar and vocabulary curriculum we're using, and of course, we diagram sentences. I love diagramming sentences.

Music - He's still working on learning to read music and play the piano, even though it isn't His Thing. That's okay. His evaluator encouraged him to Offer It Up.

Art - I want to actually do the projects I chose for last year and never got around to trying. We have some great art books and lots of art materials. We just need to make it a priority for a change.

Phys-ed / Health. Gee, I wonder... :-) He calculated the number of hours he actually spent in martial arts classes last year (not counting when he was just there hanging out). It came to 11 hours per week. And he won 7 trophies in his first year competing. Good kid.

Home-ec - Thanks to Little, he's had to learn to cook. Because when Little asks for help with a recipe, I often send him to Middle, who then has to get involved. I'm sneaky like that. And of course, the laundry and gardening and housework and bugeting and shopping and bill-paying are all part of the homeschooling experience around here from a very young age.

Enrichment - He's asked for more field trips to places like D.C. With friends. I am happy to oblige, and we have no lack of travel companions to choose from. Giving more of the planning responsibilities to them will improve their self-confidence and decision-making skills - very important at this stage of development - so that will be one of my goals. Also, having him follow up with a writing or art project afterward.

Wow - I just read over this and it sounds really exciting! The trick, of course, is to actually do all this cool stuff. But with some good pre-planning (starting tonight) this could be a great homeschooling year for us both.

Off to re-organize the bookshelves...

:-D

Portfolio Night

Our first homeschool evaluation is tomorrow morning.

Yes, we've been homeschooling for the last 9 years, but this is the first year that one of the school-age kids was not enrolled in a public cyberschool. This year Middle was on his own, which means that we had to file an affadavit with the school district and now, at the end of the year, have to meet with an evaluator to go over what we did.

I'm hoping we did a good job.

Looking back over the year, I'm pretty pleased with much of what we did, but also wishing we'd done more in other areas. Math went much better than expected; History much worse. I'm chalking it up to 5 years of intensive history through the cyberschool - in any case, he was burnt out on the subject.

I'm looking forward to hearing the evaluator's feedback and suggestions for how to proceed from here. We still go back and forth about whether he should go to school next year or not, but I'm already thinking of ideas and possibilities for next year. Seventh grade is probably the last year I will be comfortable having him at home; I feel strongly about the boys going to high school and I think a year of eighth grade helps to prepare them for that.

As always, when I ask him what he wants to do, he is as torn as I am. I think he'll be fine either way, and either way has its pros and cons.

Rarely are decisions like this black or white.

Fathers' Day

... began with a 2+ mile run with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. It was nice catching up, and a new thing for both of us to run with someone else.

Starting the day with a run makes such a difference to me. Usually I sleep in on Sundays, getting up just in time to do the morning routine and get to Mass. Today after the run, I worked in the garden for a while, helped my neighbor put the canopy on her swingset and had coffee before getting into the shower. I had a more productive morning, and more energy throughout the rest of day, thanks to that run.

Extra energy came in handy today - I did a bunch of shopping and made a special Fathers' Day Feast featuring ingredients from the garden. We sat down together as a family and used the good china - which I haven't brought out in years, although I keep vowing to do so. It was nice to have an excuse, and I couldn't think of a better reason than to celebrate Savageman and all he does for us (and all he puts up with, for that matter.)

Sweet man...

Happiness

I finished reading this book yesterday. It was all about happiness.

(Just the fact that I finally had time to read and finish a book at all made me pretty darn happy. I credit all the hours I've recently spent sitting in the shade at the pool.)

In any case, this was one of the books we had considered reading for our book club, and I was already familiar with The Happiness Project website, so when I saw the book at the library, I grabbed it. It's the kind of book that's chock full of things you probably already know, but really don't mind hearing again.

Gretchen Rubin, the author of the book and the blog, takes a year of her life to research what makes people happy and apply this knowledge to her own life, in little ways, with a different focus each month. For example, January is "Boost Energy" month - because it's hard to do all the other things if you lack the energy to do them, February's focus is love and marriage, June is titled "Make Time for Friends," September's theme is "Pursue a Passion." In each chapter, she discusses some research or age-old wisdom regarding the topic of the month, and then describes her own experiences, challenges and discoveries found in applying these concepts to her own life.

I enjoyed it a lot, and I will be checking out her blog more frequently for reminders of little ways to get more out of life. It felt good to know that a lot of the things I already do are supported by research, or were things Gretchen thought were good ideas too. Very cool to see her working through NaNoWriMo and using the same book / project plan I've used to attempt to write a novel in a month. Of course, she actually finished hers. Maybe next year for me. I'm sticking with blogging for now.

Writing on this blog, taking time to notice and jot down things that make me happy, eating and sleeping right, exercising and learning a new skill, looking for ways to connect with friends and make others happy - these are all ways I've increased my own happiness over the last few years.

Here are the Four Splendid Truths Gretchen arrives at in her book and on her blog:

First: To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

Second: One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

Third: The days are long, but the years are short.

Fourth: You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.

I think I'm happy. And I'm off to read to my Little bear and watch a movie on the couch with Savageman.

:-)

Weeding... Again

After a busy week, with little extra time for things like the garden, I was greeted today by... those same old weeds. Back again.

Remembering the lessons I learned the last time I really cogitated on the act of weeding, I surrendered to the task at hand.

Considering I had not kept up my daily maintenance, it was a large task indeed. Just about every surface was covered in some kind of little sprouts of grass, prickly thistles, maple trees, and goodness-knows-what-else. In addition to the weeds, the raspberries, which are fine as long as they stay on their own side of the netting, were working their way through. The squash plants were getting a little too friendly with the tomato plants, hugging them with their grabby tendrils and choking them.


It was horticultural anarchy.

I needed to restore some order here. After separating and rearranging the good plants, I began the actual weeding.

As I was working, I noticed that this was different than my last major weeding project. The plants were much bigger and healthier, and it was easy to tell them from the weeds. So while it was still work, it didn't really require all that much thought or decision-making. Plants were plants, weeds were weeds. The difference was obvious.


And again, it reminded me of life. (Weeding is not that interesting for me. I have to think about something to pass the time!)

As we fill our gardens and our lives with Healthy Stuff, and that Healthy Stuff takes root and grows and takes up more space, the weeds that would choke that healthy growth are easier to identify and remove. The negative thoughts that hold us back, the messages that we're not good enough, the hurts and rejections, the bad habits and time-wasters... they're all weeds that we can see more easily for what they are in a garden filled with a variety of healthy plants.


It was one of those insights I was eager to share with the Teen, who has taken up meditation recently. When I came in, I tried to share these insights and describe how today weeding was my meditative act.

He, of course, thought this was hilarious, and spent the next 5 minutes or so mocking the idea of weeding as meditation. But he's fifteen - I guess that's his job. Fortunately for me, I have fairly low expectations of myself as a writer/philosopher/Zen master and also fairly thick skin. :-) The little weed of his rejection: Pulled and Tossed.

Maybe he'll have a texting lull and will read this blog post in a fit of boredom.

Making Peace

A very wise friend visited my childbirth class tonight.

Not only is she a wonderful and well-informed advocate for gentle birth and empowered mamas, she is a labor and delivery nurse at the hospital. So she essentially has a foot in both worlds - how we would like it to be, and the reality of how it often is.

Two of the couples who were there tonight are planning home births. The other two are planning to be in the hospital. She gave it to them straight, and it was clear that this bothered them somewhat, but I'm still extremely glad she came.

Sometimes I think that, as natural childbirth teachers, we set our hospital couples up for unrealistic expectations. Yes, you can do this. But will the doctors and hospital let you? That is often a separate question, and one I really can't answer for them, not knowing their individual circumstances. It's important for them to know the culture they may be running into when they arrive at the hospital, and then they have some decisions to make.

"What if my doctor says no to what I want?" was the question of the night.

And the answer was, ultimately, "You need to decide how important it is to you. If it's that important, you fight for it or change doctors. If it's not, you go along with their way - but you make the choice to do that and you take responsibility for that choice."

It's an important step, and an important distinction. And it applies to all the decisions we make, not just those regarding childbirth.

How many times would we like to have it both ways? How often do we put off making a decision until it's too late and the decision is made for us? How often do we make a choice, and then look for ways to pass the responsibility or the blame onto someone else?

By doing this, we can allow ourselves the peace of mind that comes with convincing ourselves that the negative circumstances of our lives are not really our doing. Someone else made me do that. Someone else made me feel that way. Someone else is responsible.

We can allow ourselves to be victims and feel bad for ourselves and ask others to feel bad for us and complain and make snarky comments about the person or persons we hold responsible for our troubles -

- or we can take responsibility for our own choices and decisions and work to create the kind of life we want for ourselves and our families. Without regrets, without giving away our power to anyone else.

Powerlessness is for small children. By a certain age (and I'm certain that this happens younger in our household than in most) people are expected to make decisions and live with the consequences of those decisions. I hear myself saying it all the time - "It was your choice to do that." Depriving children of the experience of making their own choices and realizing the natural consequences of those choices teaches them both entitlement and victimhood. Not empowerment. Not responsibility. Not maturity.

I'm writing this to myself as a reminder, as a caution, and as a means of understanding those who would prefer to blame others for their unhappiness rather than make different choices.

With each choice we make, we gain some things and give up others. By choosing one path, we deprive ourselves of what another might have offered. And it's important to be at peace with that.

It's when we recognize that the choices we make are ultimately ours that we can truly feel powerful and in control of our lives. Only then can we truly let go of the envy and resentment we feel toward others who might have chosen a different path, or the blame we might be tempted to shift onto others.

An important distinction between those who would prefer to remain children and those who are ready to grow up.

Yellow / Stripe

Two pieces of black tape were added to my yellow belt today. That's all they are.

But oh, they mean so much!

In this case, they represent an estimated 1-2 hours per day, five days per week in class, countless hours of practicing outside of class, 5 new Hapkido techniques, 2 new forms, 5 3-step fighting techniques, beginning Kumdo (sword actions), continuous sparring, and a huge leap ahead in my endurance and fitness level. All within the last three months.

I'm almost an Advanced Student.

Wow.

Now I'm in the front half of the room when we line up much of the time. I have 9 open-hand forms to keep track of, 36 Tae Kwon Do actions, 30 Hapkido techniques (so far), 25 fighting techniques, 5 hand techniques, 2 Nunchauku forms... am I leaving anything out?

Between now and my green belt test, there will be more added, including the first Kumdo form. I'm enjoying working with my bokken at home, especially since it is nice enough to practice outside right now. Swinging a sword around in the house is strongly discouraged around here.

Even when it's Mom doing the swinging.

Have I mentioned that I love my martial arts classes?

:-D

Drum Circle

Too tired / too busy to blog again. I'll write about my day with the Teen tomorrow and maybe post some pictures.

Bam!

Got back late late. Will post more in the morning, but we had a great time, both at the Emeril taping and during our travels in NYC.

Packing for NY

Little and one of our Young Lady friends are off to NY today to appear on the show described below. Considering that his dream is to be a famous chef someday, getting to meet and be a guest on the show of Emeril Lagasse is beyond thrilling for him.

As for me, I'm looking forward to a day and a night in NY with a very dear friend and our two kids. And oh, yeah - meeting Emeril.

From the Breaking News column on The Futon Critic:

"Five Special Diners Join Emeril At The Chef's Table on Each Installment of the on New Daily Cooking Show Scheduled to Launch September 26th

"New York, June 1, 2011 - Hallmark Channel has the hottest reservation on television: a seat at "Emeril's Table," beginning September 26th as part of the network's daytime line-up. A food icon who helped redefine what a cooking show could be, Chef Emeril Lagasse gives the genre yet another reinvigoration with his new informative, entertaining daily half-hour cooking series, produced in association with Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. Emeril invites viewers to join a group of five special diners at the chef's table for an intimate shared experience that includes a cooking lesson and recipes geared toward their interests. Whether they are newlyweds, moms-to-be, fire fighters or vegetarians, the guests and viewers at home will benefit from breaking bread with the renowned chef each day. As Emeril inspires and engages them - even answering some of their most burning culinary questions and food dilemmas - he'll also share fresh, fun ideas, recipes, tips and techniques. After all, Emeril knows that food is love and both are meant to be shared!

"This show is really my favorite kind of cooking lesson, it allows me to connect with five special guests at my table as well as the viewers at home," says Emeril. "I love being able to interact with people in an intimate setting and cook with them one-on-one. For me it's about creating memorable and entertaining experiences and celebrating great food with great friends."

"Chef Emeril Lagasse received his first culinary experience from his mother, Hilda, when he was a boy growing up in the small town of Fall River, Massachusetts. Upon high school graduation, Lagasse was offered a full scholarship to the New England Conservatory of Music, but decided to pursue a career as a professional chef. He earned a degree from the respected culinary fortress, Johnson and Wales University, and later received an honorary Doctorate degree from the university. Lagasse is now the chef-proprietor of 12 restaurants in New Orleans, Las Vegas, Orlando, Miami, Gulfport and Bethlehem. The recognition and awards he has garnered have made him known to food-loving Americans everywhere. In 2005, he received the "Distinguished Service Award" from Wine Spectator for his significant and long-lasting contributions to the wine industry. In 2006, he was inducted into the MenuMasters Hall of Fame by Nation's Restaurant News. In 2007, he was named "Restaurateur of the Year" by New Orleans CityBusiness and in 2009, he received the "Lifetime Achievement Award" from Food Network's South Beach Wine & Food Festival.

"As a national TV personality, Emeril has hosted over 2000 shows on the Food Network, and is the food correspondent for ABC's "Good Morning America." In addition to his television presence, Emeril has a new, live, call-in radio program, Cooking with Emeril, which airs twice weekly exclusively on Martha Stewart Living Radio on SIRIUS XM. He also has a column in Everyday Food magazine where the chef and his six-year-old son, E.J., provide delicious family-friendly recipes. Emeril is the author of 15 bestselling cookbooks including Emeril's New New Orleans Cooking which introduced his creative take on Creole cuisine. His newest release, Sizzling Skillets and other One-Pot Wonders, hits shelves September 27th."

Adrenaline Rush

So I'm in the process of getting ready to go out the door so that I can catch the last half of Little's baseball game and the Home Run Derby this morning when the phone rings.

It's Savageman. "Everything's okay... I think... but um... he got hit in the face with a baseball. So when you come, can you bring one of the good ice packs and a towel? Oh... and maybe you should call the dentist... I think they have Saturday morning hours."

An image flashes through my mind of Little and his cute little face, his little mouth, his little teeth - mangled, bruised, bleeding, broken, hurting.

Oof.

Not to mention that the kid is supposed to leave for NY tomorrow so that he can be on TV Monday cooking a meal with Emeril. Do I call to cancel? Or show up only to have them take one look at his stitched up, toothless, swollen face and send us home?

I summon the brothers, jump in the car, take off for the baseball field, only to realize I've forgotten the ice pack and have to go back.

We get to the field and I park sloppily, then sprint over to the field, where Little is... at bat.

He gets a single, they score a run. On the next pitch, he gets to second and they score again, ending the inning - there's a 3 run mercy rule in effect.

He comes over and looks... fine. He goes back in to pitch.

At the end of the game, the coach presents him with the game ball - he calls it the ToughMan Award because all Little cared about when he got hit was getting back in the game and having a turn to pitch. He teared up when he got the award and gave the coach a hug. A rare show of emotion for Little, maybe becuase it was the last game of the season.

Sweet little thing... Can't they dress like this for every position?



(As if the cooking show wasn't enough, he was also photographed by a news reporter last week.)

I Love Being a Girl Scout

And I'm sure I'll write a lot more about that topic sometime, but for now, it's late and I just want to say what a great day I had with my Troop, the younger Savages, and the very wonderful Girl Scout Leaders and parents today at Dorney Park and Wildwater Kingdom.

People ask me why I'm a Girl Scout Leader when I have no girls. My answer is always the same - I'm Girl Scout Leader because I have no girls. My scouts and my friends' daughters are the closest I'm going to get at this point in my life to having daughters of my own, and I look forward to spending time with them, hearing about their lives, and being one more cheerleader for them as they enter what can be very challenging years for many girls.

The fact that I don't have a girl in the Troop often frees me up to just be the big sister to them, which is an added bonus. (And nice for me, having had neither a big sister, nor a little sister growing up.)

Bottom line - I live in a house of men. I'm surrounded by them and their male energy all the time. Getting out of that every once in a while and immersing myself in a totally female environment feeds a very hungry part of my soul and I am grateful for the chance to do this every so often.

Even though I still wound up driving there with a car full of boys - which was actually really fun too - it was a Girl Day for me and I had a great time.

Last Day

Tomorrow is the last day of the Teen's Freshman year.

I think we're all ready for a break from the stresses of high school. The question is, will the stresses of summer vacation be worse?

Transitions are Not Our Thing. Already I feel us clashing over setting new limits. He's chomping at the bit, ready to exercise as much freedom as he can.

And we're in his way.

The best thing that can happen for all of us is a good, full-time summer job. Preferably one that involves hard physical labor.

Just think - he can get in shape, sweat out 9 months of school stress, and get paid to do it.

I'm taking the other two and a Girl Scout troop to an amusement park tomorrow, so we'll have a day apart to regroup and think, and he'll have a day to continue his job search.

Please send positive vibes - and job leads!

Easing into Summer

We started the day in School Mode, but from lunchtime on, we were in Summer Mode.

Considering the temperature outside was in the mid-90s, it seemed appropriate.

Schoolwork was accomplished quickly this morning. Around lunchtime, the other homeschooling friends came over and we all headed to the pool.

This is a nice week to go to the pool, since most of the schools are still in session. It was still crowded, but more like a dinner-time level of crowded, which is fine for me. My favorite hours to be at the pool have always been from 3-8 - just about when the camps leave, the pool bus for the local neighborhoods leaves, and families start packing up and heading home to make dinner. This is the time when there are just enough people there to make it fun, but not so many that it's hard to find a free spot in the pool.

So we had a good day. My friend is fun and interesting and easy to be with, and our kids have a great time together. When it came time to head over to karate, they were having so much fun we gave them an extra hour. Two hours tonight at the dojang instead of three. Oh well...

I thought after being out in the heat for hours I wouldn't want to do both kickboxing and class tonight - but I went anyway, and was glad I did. Kickboxing was brutal - and amazing. I was even more drenched than usual, if that's possible. There's something about getting to that point where there's nothing else in your head but counting 300 crunches or running 7 laps or holding a side plank even though your arm is shaking... The endorphins kick in, the world goes away, and I completely surrender to what I'm doing and thank God for this body and this strength that I never knew I had.

And then I changed and went to class and started learning my green belt material. Green is sort of the bridge between Intermediate and Advanced. If we'd had a category in middle and high school for "Least Athletic" I would have won it. It took me 40 years and 3 kids to find my inner athlete, but I found her and I love her.

So glad the summer schedule will mean more days like this for me and the boys and our friends.

Filling the Tank

"Do you ever get bored?"

My good friend and I were sitting out on the back porch, enjoying a drink and an impromptu tête-à-tête this evening. I gave the question some thought and then answered, in all honesty, "Definitely not."

"Me neither. My day is so full of things to do, I never have time to be bored."

This is true for me as well. I have a hard time just finding time to read, and I never just flip on the TV like I did in the years before I had kids. All day long, I'm going from one activity to another, with no more than a few minutes in between.

This isn't to say that I'm complaining, or that the things I'm doing are unpleasant. On the contrary, I'm pretty darn happy with the structure of my life right now. It's taken years to get here, but I'm finally at the point where a good chunk of my day can be spent doing things that fill my tank, rather than just drain it all the time.

Including sitting on the back porch discussing such matters with a friend.

It's a completely different feeling, approaching life and its responsibilities on a full tank for a change.

Different enough that it's easy to notice when things are getting out of balance and I'm drifting toward empty again. Back when I was running on empty all the time, I didn't know any better. Having finally achieved a sense of what "full" feels like, it's easier to make the necessary efforts to continuously find ways to nurture and sustain that fullness.

For me, it's exercising, spending time with my women friends, cuddling with my husband, laughing and doing something creative with my kids. If I can pack some of that into every day, my tank stays full enough that I have plenty to give, and still plenty left over for myself most of the time. I feel happy and fulfilled; I don't turn to eating or watching television or whatever else I used to do simply because I was bored or feeling empty.

This isn't to say that there aren't hourly, daily or weekly variations in the level of the tank - of course there are. But for the most part, I'm running on full more than empty these days, and it has made a big difference in my life.

I think Savageman and the boys have appreciated the fact that I'm happier and nicer to be with as a result, so it has made a big difference in their lives as well.

Feeling very grateful tonight for a life that is anything but boring and for good friends and family who share in it and give it so much meaning.

I Scream You Scream...

"Mom, what's that bucket thing on the top shelf in the garage for?"

"Oh, that. That's actually an ice-cream maker. Dad and I bought it in college."

I saw by the delighted look on Little's face that I was in for it now. A myriad of alternate possible responses filled my head. "It's a foot soaker." "It's a pot for a plant."

"It's..." too late. The secret was out.

That was about a week ago. Every day since then, he's asked if this was the day we'd make homemade vanilla ice cream.

I've actually done a good job of dragging this out in a good way. In The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin describes four stages of happiness. To get the most out of an experience, we must anticipate it, savor it as it unfolds, express happiness over it, and recall it afterward.

So the next day, we got the thing down from the shelf (and left it lying around in our front hallway for a week for people to trip over, but that's another blog post). Another day, we found the little recipe book for it and looked at all the recipes. This weekend we picked up the milk and cream we needed for the vanilla recipe. And today I got the salt and ice and we finally made the ice cream.

I really milked the anticipation stage. :-)

To make vanilla ice cream, you heat the milk on the stove, dissolve in the sugar and salt, then add the cream and vanilla and chill it. Then it goes in the covered metal churning bucket which goes in the larger bucket surrounded by crushed ice and salt. (A good science lesson about ice and salt was enjoyed by all.) This particular ice cream maker just needs to be plugged in - it does the churning for you.

As it churned and froze, it expanded and filled the container until it started to leak out the top. The ice cream was really soft, but I remembered it needed to harden in the freezer before it was really ready. While we waited, we heated up an apple pie and Little and I made a blueberry cobbler.

There's nothing like fresh, warm pie and cobbler topped with homemade vanilla ice cream. It was positively delish. I think we did a good job savoring our afternoon's work.

And now I'm expressing my happiness over it, and I expect we'll all have happy memories when we look back on the day in late springtime that we made our own ice cream.

Thinking it would probably taste good with some Kahlua on top....

The Shadow Knows...

And while we're speaking of courage and facing our demons...

Got the link for the latest Mark Brady blog post in my inbox today.

In it, he talks about the power of our "shadow" - basically, the repressed stuff about ourelves that we hide, that we don't want to acknowledge or show to anyone else. It's where our prejudices, insecurities and envy come from, although we won't admit it.

What happens when we don't work to understand our shadows? He says:

"Shadows get projected out onto other people. You can’t avoid running into parts of your own psyche. Since the things in your shadow are a part of your own psychological make-up they have to and they will show up somewhere in your life. In other words, if you just can’t stand to face some of your own stuff, you will end up seeing your own stuff on someone else’s face.

"The word projection is very apt. We’re all familiar with movie projectors. . . . With unacknowledged shadow material you’re the projector. You’re that little machine in the back creating the image. The image is coming from you. But the place where you see the image is on the screen in front of you. You see it in another person, or group of people. Causes a lot of heartache in the world... you can be equally sure it will wreak havoc with all the personal relationships in our lives, especially the relationship with our kids."

Well put, Mark. I couldn't agree more.

Still Here

I tested for the yellow / stripe today.

And I'm happy to say that I (so far) have not come down with any weird sickness.

As for the test - I had mixed feelings going into it. As I mentioned before, I hadn't planned to test this weekend. I had new material to learn in a short amount of time, and I had to do a lot of work this week to get to the point where I felt confident enough to do it in a testing situation.

I'm sure I made mistakes during the test, but I always make mistakes under pressure. Keeping my mind clear and panic-free will be an ongoing issue for me, and I will always be working on perfecting my techniques, my stances, etc. I may learn something new, but I will never feel like I've truly mastered it - there's always something I can do better.

Having said that, in many ways, I felt better about this test than I did about my previous ones. This time, I had something I needed to prove to myself, and regardless of how I may have looked on the outside, that's exactly what I did.

This test was the perfect culmination of my last three months in martial arts, in which the theme - for me - was Facing Fear.

In addition to building up my endurance in kickboxing class, one big step for me this quarter was starting Friday night sparring. Sparring as in actually putting on gloves and foot pads and a mouth guard and pairing up with someone to hit and kick (and be hit and kicked) - to use the techniques we learn for real.

I'd been dreading this for so long, but had promised people I'd do it after I got my yellow belt. And they didn't let me forget it.

So I started doing this, and while it's still probably my least favorite thing to do (next to grappling), I've been doing it pretty much every week. And rewarding myself with dinner out with the other karate friends afterward.

Fear of not being perfect - of letting myself or my teachers down - is another demon I constantly wrestle. In many ways, it's a good demon. Yesterday, as I was obsessively running through form after form in the empty room, one of the tougher instructors commented that, for a yellow-belt, my stances were actually very good. While I was happy to hear the compliment, I knew that if my stances had improved, it was because of the attention and criticism of my female mentors at the school, who are quick to notice and correct a hand or foot in the wrong place.

Testing this weekend might not have been the wisest choice in their minds, but they also counseled that it's my journey and I had to do what I felt was right for me.

When it came down to it, I had something to prove to myself this week, and it had more to do with my fears and limitations than the timing of my material. Sure enough, a huge part of the test today turned out to be of my endurance - continuous sparring, grappling, pushups, burpees - answering my own questions about how far I can be pushed without breaking.

Monday I will go back to working on my technique, but today I am happy that I had the opportunity to face my fears and prove to myself that I could do this, even with some new material, even with the inevitable mistakes.

And having done that, I'm satisfied tonight.

Looking forward to the lessons that await me in the next 3-6 months.

Must. Stay. Healthy....

I spent much of this week focused on the upcoming belt test.

Working to psych myself up for it, I started the day with a run and then took a good hike on the AT with the boys and a friend.

Then Savageman came home. Not feeling well. Said he might have a stomach thing.

The Teen was looking a little funny also.

I was beat and in need of a power nap. After about 10 minutes of light sleep - next to Savageman who was out cold - Middle came and found me.

And told me that the Teen was puking in the basement.

Needless to say, Middle, Little and I got out of the house as fast as we could. Little headed for the grandparents and Middle and I spent the night at the dojang and the pizza place.

The way I see it, I need to stay healthy for about 15 more hours. My test is from 10-12, we'll probably go out for lunch afterward, and there's a self-defense class for my Girl Scout troop at 2:00.

Then I can crash as hard as I need to.

15 more hours... I can do it!

Weeding the Garden

I'm trying to make it a habit.

Every year, I plant a vegetable garden, and every year, at some point, I let the weeding go and it becomes so overgrown that I can't find my veggies. Or worse yet, my veggies don't grow and thrive as they should because they are crowded out and choked by all the weeds.

This is the one thing that I am working to avoid this year. Every time I take the compost out to the bin, I try to stop and spend a little time weeding. Even if I don't have time to do it perfectly, even if I only take 5 minutes to pull the biggest and most obvious offenders, I am making that small investment. As a result, I can see my veggies clearly, they are growing well, and I am enjoying my garden more.

The time I spend weeding is often the only quiet, introspective time I have during the day. The boys stay away for fear of getting roped into the chore - there are no distractions like the computer or the radio - just me and the plants and the weeds and my thoughts.

Today I got to thinking about the act of pulling the weeds and of regular maintenance and the metaphor these provide with regard to other areas of life.

Questions arose.

Why pull the weeds in the first place when I know they're just going to grow back? Why do I wind up repeating the same work over and over and over again?

Answers came.

Pulling the weeds is important because they interfere with growth that is supposed to happen. They take up resources that need to go somewhere else. They obscure the things that should be seen and recognized. They are a distraction from the beauty of the healthy things in the garden.

We do need to pull the same weeds over and over again, but by doing that, we keep them from getting too big, we keep their roots from spreading too wide, we minimize the impact that they have on the good growth. It may be impossible to stop them completely, but accepting the fact that regular attention and maintenance is necessary for the health of the garden makes it easier to do the small amount of work it takes.

And it's better to stay on top of these things than to wait until they reach a crisis point.

I noticed that, just as in my life, there are parts of the garden that are generally pretty easy to stay on top of and keep weed-free, and parts that require a lot more vigilance. Some parts seem to always have some weeds, no matter how hard I try to keep them at bay.

As I thought about this today, it occurred to me that it is better to just accept that one patch or another that will require more work and may never be as healthy as the other parts. I need to just be happy with the progress that I do see, rather than focus on the fact that it's still not what I want - or even worse, to give up completely.

Sometimes the act of weeding has value in itself, regardless of whether the difference is obvious. You never know what kind of impact this work is having under the soil.

In any case, I'm trying to be more aware of the things that I need to nurture and the things I need to discard, both in my garden and in my life.

Hoping that the attention I'm giving to both will prove to be productive.

Change of Plans

Now that I've decided to test this weekend, my already busy week just got rearranged.

I got up with the birdies and practiced until Little got up. We did some work, got Middle up and drove across the river so I could lead a La Leche League meeting (I'm filling in until the Harrisburg Group gets some Leaders accredited.) They didn't really need me today, so after about 45 minutes, I excused myself and took the kids to the library.

Then home, then lunch, then schoolwork, then time to head to the dojang for Picture Day.

The nice thing about Picture Day was that there was room and time set aside for practice. And several supportive and helpful black belts to offer assistance, for which I was very grateful.

I'm still not as fluid as I'd like to be with my more recent material, so I have much to practice between now and Saturday morning. The only way to get better at this stuff is by doing it. Over and over - with increasing levels of attention devoted to things like which way my right foot is pointing, whether my hand is turned up or down as I bring it back, whether I over-rotate a turn, etc. - in addition to knowing the correct sequence of moves.

And that's just while practicing the forms.

Middle and I practiced for a while after dinner tonight - the power was out, so there wasn't much else to do anyway. I'll do a little more before bed, then get up and go to the morning class, probably return for the afternoon class, and then there will be a special practice session Friday night. If I make the most of the time I have at home and at the dojang, I will feel more ready.

Considering I started this week expecting to take it easy since I wasn't going to test anyway, this is a big shift for me. A belt test is at least 2 hours long and is physically and mentally challenging enough to need a few days of psychological preparation. Glad I'm getting that now.

Hoping it will go well so I can spend the summer working on my green belt material.

To Test or Not to Test...

That is the question...

Belt testing is scheduled for this weekend. The next one isn't until September.

I wasn't going to test for my yellow stripe. I just didn't feel ready, and figured my instructors would agree that I'm not ready.

I was surprised to find that this was not the case, and I received a bit of encouragement tonight - and put in a whole lot of practice.

Now I'm wondering if I'm not as unprepared as I had thought. It's a lot of material to keep track of, but if I really work on it, I may be ready after all.

Going to go run through my forms again...

Memorial Day

A few pictures from the Camp Hill Memorial Day Parade:

Jammin'

I had the opportunity to play my guitar and sing with some friends tonight, which was great.

Everyone loves a party. But for me, the best part of the party is at the end, when almost everyone is gone, and it's just the last few die-hards hanging out, picking at the food, finishing off the keg (or switching to water), listening to music and just basking in the good feeling that comes at the end of a successful party.

This particular party was a family pool party. I had brought Middle along with me, and when people started to clear out, I got ready to leave with him as well.

But my positively lovely friend and hostess had just started singing (her very talented nephew had brought out his guitar) and I had joined her and we were having such a good time, she had asked me to stay.

Middle had wandered off, nunchukau in hand (his default activity). He was waiting patiently for me to take him home now that most of the other kids were gone. Savageman was home with a sick Little and needed me to run some errands. But he didn't mind if I went back.

After all, we only live 5 minutes away. I ran to the store, picked up the Teen at the movies, took him and Middle home, then grabbed my guitar and returned for the mellowing-out phase of the party.

Best. Time.

We sang, we laughed, we bonded. We cleaned up a bit then went back to playing and listening to more music. I was amazed by the amount of combined brain space the two of us had devoted to the song lyrics of multiple decades. We were hanging out with the neighbor who was born around the time we were graduating from high school, but I don't think either of us felt old at all.

Nights like this make me feel like I'm still in college - although I never had nights like this in college.

Nights like this at 41 are just as good.

News From the Garden

For the last few years, I've been composting fruit and veggie scraps, coffee grounds, eggshells, dried leaves and other household compostable waste. My parents contribute a few bags per week of their own scraps, and the composter has faithfully done its job converting it all into good, rich humus.

Imagine my dismay when I took a walk out there this morning only to find that the fierce wind storms we've had in these last few days had ripped the cover off my composter and hurled it against the neighbor's fence! It was in about 5 pieces. Beyond repair.

I went to work right away, researching how to rig up a new cover. As chance would have it, I happened to run into my mom who was on her way to Lowes and asked her if she would ask someone there for a suggestion.

Instead, she came home with a new composter! (Thanks mom!)


Little and I put it together in a jiffy and marveled at the layers and progression of decomposition we saw when we lifted the old composter off the pile. I turned it as much as I could without making a mess before replacing it with the new composter.


As I passed the garden, I noticed that a few of the radishes were ready, so I picked them as I was leaving. I'm happy to report that the first of this year's produce was very tasty.



And... I cooked up the first of my organic, grass-fed ground beef! Threw it in the wok with some onions, the leftover Spiral Path potatoes from the other night, some salt, pepper and thyme.

I'm not a big ground-beef fan, so I was a little skeptical. But it was delicious! It really does have a different taste and texture than even the good supermarket beef. Savageman was a litte upset when I showed him the Green Ridge Acres pamphlet, showing the happily grazing animals, saying he didn't need to have a personal relationship with his lunch. But he admitted that it was indeed delicious.

I later heard him grumble, "Now I'm going to feel guilty about drinking this artifically sweetened iced-tea that I like."

:-D

So Now What?

I made it to the Broad Street Market today and met the local farmer who came so highly recommended. I came home with a chuck roast, a whole chicken, and some ground beef.

So now my fridge is full of fresh organic milk, eggs, produce and meat. And I feel really good about that.

Of course, looking at my calendar for the next few days, I have no idea of when I'm going to be home with enough time on my hands to prepare any of it. The thought that it may spoil in my fridge before we get a chance to enjoy it does NOT make me feel good.

(sigh...)

Good Food that Feels Good

Organic veggie season has begun.

I got the first delivery today from my CSA Farm. It wasn't a huge delivery - just some lettuce, broccoli, red potatoes, green onions and carrots. But from past experience, I know it will get a lot better in the coming weeks - enough that a medium share is usually overwhelming for me, so I'm splitting it with a neighbor this year.

I roasted the red potatoes for dinner after my childbirth class. They were Yum.

Tomorrow I'm doing the other thing I've been vowing to do since reading The Omnivore's Dilemma and watching Food Inc., Fresh, and Farm to Fridge - I'm making the switch to a regular source for local grass-fed organic meat. It will cost a little more, but we will also appreciate it more, use it more carefully, and waste it less than the meat we were buying at the grocery store.

I'll make sure of it, just as I do with the organic milk and eggs I've been buying for years. "Don't pour more milk than you're going to drink! That's ORGANIC milk!" "Don't you DARE feed those eggs to the dog! Those are ORGANIC eggs! Do you know how much those cost???"

I think they're beginning to get it. If someone went to all the trouble to produce that food without chemicals or hormones, and I put out the extra $$ to spend on it, I want it going into my family, not down the drain or into the pets. (The pets get the good all-natural pet food, which also costs more!)

I served up some pork-fried-rice last night and made a Big Deal out of the fact that it was made from Real pork that was raised on a farm, not mass-produced in a feed lot, and we should appreciate and enjoy it - and they did.

Maybe I'm on to something.

Somehow, knowing that their dinner was living life as an animal should - grazing on grass or eating bugs or wallowing in mud on a real farm we could actually go visit - makes us appreciate the life of that animal, and the fact that it gave its life for our nourishment - much more than some assembly-line processed meat that came from who-knows-where before it wound up wrapped in plastic at the grocery store.

The least we can do is eat it and be thankful for it instead of wasting it.

We don't buy a lot of meat to begin with, but when we buy it, I want it to be good quality and I don't want to see it wasted. For me, that's worth the extra money.

The other thing, which I keep emphasizing with my family, my friends, my childbirth classes - actually, with anyone who will listen - is that to create REAL change in society, we can't just vote in the political elections. Our REAL vote, the vote that matters, is the one we make with our dollars, day in and day out. When we spend an extra $.50 on organic kale, or an extra $1.50/lb on grass-fed organic meat, we are voting. We are telling the grocery stores, the local markets - we are telling our friends and family that this is important to us and we want to see more of it. Healthier food grown and raised under healthier conditions. Meat raised and slaughtered humanely. We're saying that it matters to us and we're willing to pay more to have it.

It's the free market system in action, and it's already making a difference. Consumer pressure for local and organic meat and produce has made an impact on our local stores and farmers' markets. Books and films like I mentioned are making people stop and think and talk about where their food comes from.

There are so many things going on in the world right now that I could worry about - and I can't do a thing about any of them.

But how I feed myself and my family is under my control. And supporting local farms who do things naturally benefits more than just my family. The more we support these businesses and encourage others to do the same, the more we are able to shape our own communities.

I say it all the time to my childbirth and La Leche League parents - we create the culture we live in.

Be the change you want to see.

Still Baking

Continuing with the theme of "Things that Make Me Happy"

Little with yet another Devil's Food Cake with homemade chocolate buttercream icing.

(In his efforts to avoid written work, he's actually becoming quite a good chef.)

Veggie Garden - The Early Weeks

Here it is so far: We've got tomatoes, cukes, squash, peppers, eggplant, radishes, beets, lettuce, spinach, carrots, chard, melons, onions, peas, and herbs planted.

The bushy stuff in the background is the raspberry forest. They're delicious if we can get to them ahead of the birds. Perhaps I'll get the boyz to make a scarecrow - type thing this year.

This is where the lettuce, spinach, chard and onions are supposed to be growing. Unfortunately, I can't tell the plants from the weeds yet, so I haven't been weeding it. Hoping things become clearer in the next few weeks. Of course, by then, the CSA shares will be arriving and it won't matter anyway.

Kicking and Punching

It's what I do.

I'm a month shy of my two year anniversary as a martial arts student, and my life has been redefined and restructured by it.

Just about every weekday, Middle and I spend several hours at the dojang.

For us, it's a much anticipated daily ritual. On the drive there, we chat and listen to music or the news. I take off my watch and rings at the stoplight. I take off my glasses in the parking lot. We grab our stuff and go in. He finds his friends and prepares for the kids' class; I go change for kickboxing class.

The kickboxing room is a normal temperature when we enter it. We stretch and talk while we're waiting for the music to start. My friends and I compare notes on how our days went, what we have going on this weekend, etc. We talk about our kids and what's going on in their lives, and we make plans for getting them together. Everyone is in fresh workout clothes, still looking put-together.

But not for long.

We work hard. Kickboxing class is a combination of push-ups, crunches, core strength exercises, and... kickboxing. One partner holds a bag or target and the other kicks (or occasionally punches) for the designated time. Lately, there's been a combination - like 10 jumping jacks, 10 push-ups or crunches, and 5 kicks - which we repeat until it's time to switch. No time to think, to notice the sweat dripping in our eyes, to feel the fatigue in the muscles. We just do it until we hear "TIME!" and then we get a small break while we hold the bag for our partner. Between sets, we run laps or do more push-ups or abdominal exercises, then it's back to the sequence. When the hour is up, we stretch.

By that time, the room feels like the inside of a sauna. We're soaking wet and bedraggled-looking. We head to the water fountain and changing rooms and quickly get into fresh gis before lining up and bowing in for Jung Sim Do class.

Jung Sim Do is a Korean martial art which combines Tae Kwon Do, Hapkido and Yudo. With such a variety of techniques and material, every class is different, and we never know what we're going to get. It could be a vigorous workout class, or a more mentally challenging technique class. Or an adrenaline-pumping class featuring things like falls or grappling. Or a working independently on advancement material class. You just never know, and that's part of what keeps it fresh and challenging.

After class, I'm spent, but in a good way. I feel calm, relaxed, peaceful. Clear-headed. We take our time leaving. Middle and his friends continue to hang out, practicing tricks and goofing off, and I wait with the other parents, also getting in a last bit of social time. During the summer, a group of us goes out for a long lunch after the morning classes. After sparring on Friday nights, many teens, tweens and parents go out for pizza. Savageman and the other boys join us for things like this.

But the typical post-class evening ritual starts with the drive home. The rings and watch and glasses go back on. Sometimes I pick up something special for dinner for us, since Savageman and the other boys will have already fed themselves. Sometimes my dinner is a protein bar in the car, lunch having been my main meal for the day. At home, I jump in to the evening routine, catching up with Savageman, cleaning up and helping with bedtime. An additional evening load of laundry consists of wet kickboxing clothes and gis, which I try to get done before I unwind with a bath and book or a movie with Savageman.

If it seems like a large part of our life is structured around this one activity, that's because it is - at least for me and Middle. It's what we do. And thankfully, Savageman understands and supports this. Because when I do pause to think about it, I realize how much it has reshaped and redefined who I am.

I was 39 when I started this. I'd never really played a sport, in the sense that I never put in the daily work required to really master something. "Athlete" was a word I never would have used to describe myself.

Now, for the first time in my life, I consider myself to be athletic. I'm healthier and stronger than I've ever been in my life. Taking a 2 mile run around the neighborhood is a pleasure instead of an ordeal. I have more energy, get better sleep, and am less susceptible to the anxiety and depression that used to come and go without warning. I feel calm and centered and capable of handling people and situations that used to overwhelm me. I'm less worried about the opinions of others and more focused on being true to myself.

It feels really good.

Two years ago, I was sitting on the bench, reading a book while the boys took a class a few times per week. Other parents who had become students prodded me a little bit, encouraging me to give it a try, and I chuckled. Yeah right. My back, my neck, my overall lack of athletic ability, flexibility, coordination, my fear of getting hurt...

But there was that little voice in the back of my head whispering, you only live once. If this is something you want to try, try it. Be brave. Surprise yourself. And I did. I'm proud of myself and of all the other adults who take the leap of faith required to start something like this and who work at it day after day to master it. I think this admiration for each other is part of the bond we share both in and out of class.

It's not something I would have understood before I was immersed in it, and it's not something I really expect other people to understand if they haven't experienced it themselves. But it's powerful stuff. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It's changed who I am.

It's what I do.

Happy Birthday, Christine!

(Taking a moment here to appreciate you. Ready?)

I know you keep saying how blessed you feel to have such good friends, but in reality, we are the ones who are blessed to have you.

So, in honor of you on your birthday, here is my own Top 10 list of reasons why you are the most awesome friend in the world.


1) You keep me laughing no matter what.

2) You are a caring and attentive listener.

3) You are wise beyond your years and can always cut through the bullcrap to get at the heart of the matter.

4) You're not afraid to tell it how it is.

5) You love the animals and the children and you fiercely advocate for both.

6) You put your money where your mouth is.

7) You accept people for who they are.

8) You have the best book recommendations.

9) You have a gift for bringing people together.

10) You are easygoing, free-spirited and fun, and a joy to spend time with.

I'm sure I'm speaking for many more people when I say how much we love you. You have touched so many lives and the world is truly a better place because of you, and I know that I am a better person for having had you as a friend for these last 12 years.

Have a wonderful birthday! XO

Still Here

Well, 5/21/11 has come and gone.

I don't know about y'all, but I'm still here.

All of the media hype surrounding this End-of-the-World-Rapture stuff did give me an opportunity to pause and take stock of my life, which is never a bad thing.

It occurred to me, multiple times today, that I have it pretty darn good.

First of all, it was a beautiful day. The first real sunny day we've had in about a week.

Just gorgeous.

I woke up in my comfy bed, albeit earlier than I had hoped, because my husband of 16 years was telling me how cute I look while I'm sleeping. The irony of the fact that he woke me up to tell me that was lost on him, but it was so sweet, I couldn't be grouchy.

He and the Teen took off for a soccer tournament, and I fed Middle, Middle's Friend Who Slept Over, and Little a tasty breakfast and packed them up for the all-day martial arts demonstration for Armed Forces Day at City Island. The kids were amazing to watch, as always, and Little had a wonderful time walking a friend's dog around the demo area. I love my martial arts friends, so spending time with them outside of the Dojang is always a treat.

I left there after about 2 hours, ran Little home to get ready for his baseball game, then headed out to my cousin's bridal shower. I could only stay there for about 2 hours before I had to hop in the car and head back to help break down the demo and pack up Middle and his Friend once more. Then a large segment of the martial arts gang headed out to El Rodeo. More time with the friends was great, although I probably didn't need the burrito. Oink.

From there, I raced to the grocery store, got the ingredients for a tasty salad, threw it together and took it to a birthday dinner party where I laughed almost continuously for 5 hours straight with 9 of the funniest women I know. My eyes are still watering and my abs will hurt tomorrow, but it was so much fun and it felt so good that it was all worth it.

And then I came home to my sweet hubby, who had cleaned up and put the kids to bed and was waiting up for me; home to my books and computer and dusted-off blog, where I am happily recording this day before I head up for a relaxing bath and a long sleep.

It was a hectic day, and I spent much of it on the go, driving from place to place, but I was enjoying the beautiful sunshine and the mountains and trees and sky that make up the scenery of I-81, listening to a Cheryl Crow CD, just taking it all in and appreciating it all so much. The word "elated" kept popping into my head, and that really was how I was feeling. Seeing Middle doing something he totally loves (and rocks at), knowing my other two were busy at their own activities, spending time with my mom and extended family, my martial arts family, and looking forward to an evening among good friends - the sum of it all made me want to hug the world.

If it had been my last day, it wouldn't have been a bad day to end on.

But I'm glad it wasn't.

:-)

Welcome to my Blog

Hello readers old and new!

(Blowing dust off my keyboard) Pfffft. Cough, cough, sneeze.

Bear with me here; it's been a while.

This blog is my own little corner of cyberspace where I get to write about the amusing, poignant, frustrating, and joyful things in my life. I do it as a way to remember things, to organize my thoughts, to practice putting words together, and occasionally to connect with other people who enjoy reading my thoughts on what we've been up to.

Having said that...

This is my blog about my life and the things that are important and interesting to me. It's not a soapbox or an attempt to persuade anyone to think differently than they do or to be more like me. I'm not perfect, nor are my kids. There are things we like about our life and things that we struggle with. The fact that I choose to write about mainly the good stuff does not mean that the struggles don't exist - they're just not as fun to write (or read) about.

I am a former developmental psychobiologist and a breastfeeding, natural childbirth and attachment parenting advocate. As a family, we homeschool, we play sports and take martial arts classes, we hike and camp and try to eat healthy food. If you don't like reading about these kinds of things, there are plenty of other blogs out there you might enjoy more than mine.

I also want to point out that none of these things we do makes us any better or worse than anyone else - it's just what we do. If I post something about my organic vegetable garden, it's not because I want you to feel guilty about the Twinkie in your hand. I can assure you, your Twinkie is the last thing on my mind - I'm just being happy about my veggies. Anyway, I'm sure I have my own versions of the Twinkie in my life - I just don't choose to blog about them.

Writing is something I've done, in one form or another, for as long as I can remember. It's something I enjoy, and I don't do it to put anyone down or to brag or prosthelytize, merely to share my own unique perspective, for better or for worse. Like we say in La Leche League, "Take what you like; leave what you don't."

Enjoy!

Bon Appetit!

I'm actually blogging because I just finished watching a movie about blogging. Tonight Little Savage and I had the place to ourselves and we watched Julie and Julia, which is the parallel story of 1) the creation of Julia Child's famous cookbook and 2) a blogger from New York who attempts to cook her way through it in the span of one year.

Little Savage loved it. And not just because he wishes to be a Great Chef and has made several of the recipes in this cookbook himself (Crepes, Potage Parmentier, Sauce Hollandaise, Coq au Vin, Poulet aux Herbes de Provence, Omlettes, Quiche come to mind.) We cuddled on the couch and referred occasionally to to book to confirm that, yes, we had the very same recipe and could make it ourselves if we want. Sharing the movie and engaging in conversation over it was simply delightful.

While he seemed very interested in trying several of the dishes he saw in the film, he informed me that he is definitely not interested in making any sort of meat Aspic and agrees that neither their creation nor their consumption are essential experiences for a well-lived life. He was quick to notice when Julie had the same piece of cookware Julia had, and he made note of the fact that one must dry the meat first and not crowd the mushrooms if they are to brown properly.

I meant to get his take on the whole Killing Live Lobsters part ("Lobster killer... qu'est-ce que c'est?") His love of cooking is rivaled only by his love for animals - but Savageman got home and put him to bed before we had the chance to really discuss it. Which is probably for the best. Lobsters are pretty expensive, and when the child gets on a "kick" he really goes hog-wild. He'll be asking me to pick up a lobster every time we're at the store - if, of course, he can reconcile himself with killing the things and isn't attempting to keep them in the bathtub as pets.

(Middle, by the way, just informed me that killing the lobsters would be impossible. He would keep them as pets. Or have nightmares about the lobsters picking him up and putting him in a pot. Guess that's out of the question... He's trying to get me to promise not to ever try it while he's living here. Like with a pinky-swear and everything. Sigh...)

Having immersed himself in this activity, he has developed an interesting vocabulary, and it has likely shaped his sensory experience of the world. He's probably the only kid his age ever to pick up one of those nasty stink bugs and sniff it, only to report - in all seriousness, "It smells kind of like cilantro. I actually don't mind it." We were eating something recently and he remarked, "The ginger gives it sort of a bite." His favorite Christmas present - the one he wrote to Santa about - was an egg poaching pan. All very strange things for a kid who would like everyone to think that he's actually 5, has little to no attention span for regular schoolwork, and who just recently started reading and saying the "s" sound. To be perfectly honest, I think the only reason he finally decided to learn to read is that I started refusing to read recipes to him and he had to do it himself.

In any case, I'm thrilled that my young child (who has always seemed, in every other way, so very young for his age) is becoming so well-versed in the culinary arts. He chooses the most challenging recipes to try (homemade croissants and puff pastry, for example), he faithfully tunes into America's Test Kitchen on PBS, he whips up a quiche or eggs Benedict in a flash, and he is constantly sending me up to the store to pick up this ingredient or that for him. I just do what he wants - I'm rarely disappointed with the result.

Tomorrow, we will be experimenting with phyllo pastry for the first time. Spanakopita. Should be fun. One very nice side effect of this experience is that he is pushing me out of my own culinary comfort zone, if only because I don't want to set the example of laziness or shying away from a challenge. There's also the pride factor - I can't very well claim it's too difficult if an 8 year old seems to think he can do it. His skills will surpass my own by the time he's 12.

Which is just fine with me.

Temple Grandin

Good flick for anyone who has or knows a non-neurotypical kid.

Drained Again

It's been a difficult few days leading up to the Teen's return to school today. Transitions just aren't his thing.

As a result, my physical and emotional energy has been directed toward him much more than usual lately - and this has benefited neither him nor me. Nor the rest of the family, for that matter. When his 20% of the family starts to eat up 90% of everyone's energy and patience, something is terribly wrong.

The fact of the matter is, if the child wants to self-destruct, if he wants to fail - he's going to do it.

No amount of effort on my part, or anyone else's, is going to make him care more about his grades, his sports, his college prospects, or his future in general. He needs to either decide to care, or not. We're here for him if he wants our help, but us caring about it more than he does isn't doing any of us any good.

He needs some good study and practice habits, and we can offer him suggestions and guidance - and incentives - in this department.

But the saying is true. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

I'll be sure to share any good news, but for the time being, it is what it is.

Forward Momentum

We purchased a sectional sofa. And a Television Support Apparatus. With cabinets.

The whole thing took about an hour.

Walking around in the sofa store, I was having horrible flashbacks of the countless visits and even more countless hours of debating and deliberating and finally throwing our hands up and deciding to just keep our own dilapidated furniture. It just wasn't worth the headache - or the money - to agonize over the decision, pick something, and then hate it for the next 10 years.

But that was before we had... Janet.

Have I mentioned that I love Janet?

Janet walks into the sofa store, says what she wants, and people scramble to find it for her. She knows which "lines" will look best in our "space," she isn't afraid to put an eye-popping cheery red next to my lemongrass green walls, she knows exactly which fabric will hold up the best to boys and pets, and she's willing to do the running around to TJ Maxx and the other discount stores to shop for coordinating pillows and ottoman storage cubes.

We had the whole transaction, including the TV unit - which she and the guys are picking up and delivering for me tomorrow morning - quickly and painlessly over with in time for us to get on with the majority of our Sunday.

Janet rocks.

And our family room is just about finished.

Time to start talking about Phase II.

2011 !

Oh - did I kind of drop the December blogging ball?

Guess so.

The fact that half my downstairs was torn apart and I couldn't find my laptop might have had something to do with it.

But I'm pleased to say that Phase I of our renovation is done - we have a family room - and I have my laptop (and a temporary desk) once again.

And it's latelatelate on New Year's and we're home from a party, waiting for the kids to finally fall asleep. What better time to write?

2010. What can I say? There were highs. There were lows. And since you truly can't have one without the other, isn't that what Life is all about?

So 2010 was Real Life. Hard core. The year I finally got in touch with my Inner Athlete and became a Martial Artist. Went to the next level with my spouse. Started to burn out on homeschooling. Stopped caring so much about what everyone thought and started to truly be Me for the first time since Middle School, when it didn't go over so well.

What will 2011 bring? Will I get my Yellow Belt? My Green Belt, even? Will Phase II of the renovation happen as effortlessly as Phase I? Will I find time to work on my ultra-cool novel? Will my children embrace my model of learning, or at least go to school to resist someone else's model for a change? Will I finally get to go backpacking? (I'm not getting any younger, you know...) Will Savageman and I educate and inspire engaged, pregnant and breastfeeding parents through our various activities - and guide and encourage young Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts as well? Will we attempt another family vacation?

We shall see.

In the meantime, it is very late and I think the kids are finally asleep. Time to crash too. Real Life resumes as of 8:30 or so in the morning when That Dog wakes everyone up wanting his breakfast, even though he jumped up and ate several cookies off the counter a little while ago when we weren't looking.

That's in 6 hours. Better get to bed.

Happy New Year, all 2 of my readers. Hope it's a great one!