Friday, February 17, 2012

Day 39: Home Alone

I made my family disappear!

Seriously - I'm home alone.  For the first time in I-don't-know-how-long.

The Men are all out with my karate friends, and I'm here, not quite knowing what to do with myself. 

For starters, I have Girl Music on and a loaf of homemade banana chocolate chip bread in the oven, which is starting to smell really good.

I could read.  I could write.  I could watch a movie.  I could finish cleaning my desk area. 

I could actually do all of these things :-)  I'm starting with writing.

I'm realizing that February is not only my least favorite month of the year - it is the worst month to be cooped up with the rest of the family day in and day out.  Having That Dog in the house most of the time is bad enough. 

Now that Savageman is also part of the equation, I'm really starting to feel claustrophobic.

It's nothing to do with him personally - he's actually a very wonderful and entertaining individual.  It's just the addition of One More that I'm struggling with.  (The Teen has a 4-day weekend, so today it was Two More.)

I'm sure he's picked up on it.  I'm short with him when he asks me a question and then I feel even crappier because it's not his fault - he'd probably rather not be here to begin with, and on top of that, he's got me snapping at people.

After the kids are (finally) in bed at night, I enjoy his company again.  I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed.  It only takes one small thing - today it was finding out we've lost our dental insurance and I had to cancel my March cleaning - to sink me for the day.   It would be one thing if we knew that we have to live within this budget for X many months and then things will be normal again - or better than normal.  But we have no idea. 

That's the part that overwhelms me.

I'm crashing hard from the last month of being constantly busy.  It's hard getting up in the morning, hard dealing with petty garbage between the kids, hard dealing with stubbornness over schoolwork, hard dealing with the Teen and his own seasonal depression, hard going to the grocery store and having to say "no" to anything other than necessities. 

Things will get better, and they could be so much worse.  We're very blessed, and I keep trying to remind myself of that.

I have another hour and a half to myself before they get home.  Going to relax and enjoy the quiet while I can.

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